New partner doesn’t know if he can accept my children

[Flossyrocks]

I think I already know the answers I’ll get to this but I love my partner so much (let’s call him bob) and am feeling desperate. We dated briefly a long time ago but went separate ways after a couple of months and I met my ex about a year after. We had 2 kids together and separated 2 years ago. Last year me and bob rekindled and I have never felt a connection like it and he feels the same (supposedly). At first he was absolutely not phased by the kids and it wasn’t a problem at all he was ready to take us all on. Fast forward a year and now he doesn’t think he can handle the responsibility. He brought it up a couple of months ago that he’s not comfortable but he wants me in his life so we’ve tried to muddle along but it hasn’t improved. He’s also started feeling resentful that I didn’t stay with him all that time ago considering how well we get along together as a couple now. I want it to work so badly but am I mental to wait it out and hope he changes it mind or do I just call it a day.

He wants his own kids but isn't ready for the limited responsibility of being involved with yours? Sounds like great father material.... 🙄

Oh, well, that changes things, then I guess. If he can't handle the responsibility (that he doesn't have) for other people's children, how will he manage with children of his own. Not someone I would gamble on for the future.

Your kids are facing a miserable childhood of playing second fiddle to his Blood Children, being treated like the spectre at the feast in their own home. This happens a lot, it's awful and you have the chance to call it off and save them all that pain.

Then he's not the right one, OP.

If you stay, and muddle along.. You'll get pregnant, he'll be over the moon he has a 'real' family and your existing children will be shunted to the back of the bus and treated as second class citizens.

This makes it so much worse. You must leave him.

Quite honestly, you need to tell Bob to sling his hook. If he can't accept someone with children that's fine, his prerogative, but he's changed the goalposts, which makes him a bit of a bellend in my book.

Secondly, he's now started implying it's your fault for the fact that you broke up earlier in life, despite a very short relationship, solely on the basis of how well you get on now. That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard and reeks of manipulation and a glimpse into your future if you stay with him. What will be your fault next?
If he didn't have a crystal ball to tell the future then how the fuck were you supposed to?

From the kindest possible place, get some self-respect, prioritise your children and don't waste your time.

This will make you all unhappy in the long run OP. So sorry but you know the answer. In another life/an another time. Now is not the time.

NOB needs to go. Your MH won't improve by stringing this difficult situation out. You're just wishing for a different outcome, whilst your (and your kids') actual life passes by.

Also, I'm genuinely sorry if this sounds harsh, but it doesn't matter at all if you love NOB with every fibre of your being and you can't imagine ever being parted from him because he doesn't want your kids.
Plenty more NOBs in the sea, OP.

Your children aren’t going anywhere.
Dump Bob.

He wants kids of his own but finds the responsibility of children that do not live with him and that are not his too much responsibility? Is he planning on just having them and letting the mother of his children do all the parenting?

Who broke up with who previously? If he ended the relationship he has misplaced resentment. If it was you maybe think long and hard about why you split the first time round.

Either way this relationship is doomed. Rather end it now and go through heart break then drag it out

This man is a prime example of why exes are exes for a reason.

Is he called Alex?

Ah come on OP - there’s no getting over this - a man who wants kids but says he doesn’t know if he can accept yours while having a relationship with you is the utter pits

You have a man child on your hands

you can do better than this

He sounds absolutely horrible.
For pity sake, OP dump him asap.
Your children deserve better.
You deserve better.

You need to end it. It's not fair on your kids developing a relationship with a man who doesn't value them. If you stay with him and have kids yours will always be second best.

He isn’t wrong. Just being honest and upfront about it. Best to know now before committing to each other. Not everyone is cut out for parenthood, or helping raise someone else’s children.

Any person getting into a relationship with someone who has children must give an emphatic, freely given 'yes' to both the partner and the children. If you're not getting that, you're getting a no even if it's not being explicitly stated.

It’s not really a question right

you have kids, he doesn’t want to deal with that

you get rid. There is literally no other alternative

This. My DH came with a late wife and son - both are a part of our family and welcomed as such.

Run OP as fast as you can. My husband told me about his four children on our first date. That was my chance to run. The minute we decided we were in for the long haul they were permanently in my life too for the good and the bad. Your children deserve someone who accepts them warts and all not someone who just goes oh their there. He sounds like he is 5 and not a grown adult blaming you for daring to move on after him and have a life and children with someone else.

Actually, going against the grain, I can understand someone struggling with the responsibility of someone else's children and wanting to step back the relationship a bit. I adore my own children, but wouldn't particularly want to parent anyone elses. However, unfortunately life doesn't quite work like that. What i find more annoying is his resentment that you split up in the first place. That just sounds like a knobbish thing to say as though he's blaming you for having kids with your ex rather than him. That just seems immature and sulky to me.

Not the same. Other people's kids are not the same as yours.

Bob would be out the door as quick as lightening. My children and me are one package. Sorry op but its not going to work. No matter how much you love him, I'm sure you love your children more.

Seriously??