New partner doesn’t know if he can accept my children

[Flossyrocks]

I think I already know the answers I’ll get to this but I love my partner so much (let’s call him bob) and am feeling desperate. We dated briefly a long time ago but went separate ways after a couple of months and I met my ex about a year after. We had 2 kids together and separated 2 years ago. Last year me and bob rekindled and I have never felt a connection like it and he feels the same (supposedly). At first he was absolutely not phased by the kids and it wasn’t a problem at all he was ready to take us all on. Fast forward a year and now he doesn’t think he can handle the responsibility. He brought it up a couple of months ago that he’s not comfortable but he wants me in his life so we’ve tried to muddle along but it hasn’t improved. He’s also started feeling resentful that I didn’t stay with him all that time ago considering how well we get along together as a couple now. I want it to work so badly but am I mental to wait it out and hope he changes it mind or do I just call it a day.

Please explain to me, as I absolutely do not get it, what is the question here? Your new partner does not accept your kids!? Do you really have a choice here? You have kids, you cannot “un-have” them? Are you thinking about putting them for adoption so that you can pursue this new love? UNBELIEVABLE! You say you love this person even though he is “uncomfortable with this situation”. By “this situation” you mean, your children!?

Do you know, it’s bad enough when single mothers inflicts their fellas on their kids when they’re actually pretending to like them. This one’s being upfront what the hell is wrong with you

"but he wants me in his life. . ." Of course he does: but try this ~ stop providing him with the use of your body and watch him skedaddle. Tell him (a bit sadly) that you want him in your life too, but you can't be intimate now that you know there is no future in your relationship, b/c it's just too upsetting. Thank him for his much appreciated honesty. Then suggest a date in a few days' time which makes it clear there'll be no opportunity for sex. Smile at him. You won't see him again.

Nope. You know some male animals kill the existing young and impregnate the female with their own?

The reason I'm pointing this out is because he clearly doesn't want your kids in his relationship and is trying to seduce you with the promise of wanting more kids and the "perfect family".

But his perfect family doesn't include your kids. They're a hindrance and a reminder that he was rejected by you the first time.

Get rid

'New partner doesn't know if he can accept my children'.

Then off he should fuck! Do you really need to ask?

OP I really feel for you. You say you know what to do and were looking for support here as you're in a fragile state emotionally and have few family or friends.

I really understand the desire for love and support as a single mum, I've been doing it for 8 years alone and wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. The possibility of a loving man would feel intoxicating and I could easily find myself in your shoes, especially as he's an ex you've known a long time and there's a kind of comfort there.

It's so hard, but you're not alone (in a way, and in another way you are, and I won't minimise that). You can do it.

Hang on, this is an old thread from early November!

@ohbow yes, a zombie thread. But i didn't feel the op deserved some of the meaner comments on here. Yes he didn't sound like a good bloke but some posters were plain nasty to the op. I've been a single parent for 7 years and it's hard work too

@OhBow @Realdeal1 thank you both, it is very hard. So unnecessary to kick people when they’re down.
Just incase any of grumpy ladies on here with too much time are interested, I decided to put my children up for adoption and run away with the bad man!

So glad you're happy hun xxx

(😉😂)

It’s not that he can’t cope with them, he barely spends time with them, he doesn’t like that you have children with someone else.

He’s already blaming you for his ill feelings towards your kids, this epitomises his immaturity. You are in love with the fairytale him because the reality is he resents you having the audacity to move on when your relationship ended the first time.

You are in a difficult situation … has there been any positivity in his attitude to your children?
Speaking from experience, my dp treats my kids as his own and I do his. It makes a big difference not having that conflict or tension. I am not sure what to advise here but just be careful as kids can sense things from
adults.
In the kindest way, your dp made a very bold statement but what did he really think you could do with that?

Well, tough titty Bob, this is the situation.

Bob needs chucking back in the sea, amazing connection or no amazing connection.

What's so attractive about a man who finds your kids a problem?

Has Bob gone though?

One thing that sticks in my mind when my older dc was playing up, I turned to my dp and apologised for them being so difficult. He just turned round and said he loved both my dc because they were part of me. That has always stayed with me but it’s hod actions not his words with them which makes be feel that he’s a safe and good person for my dc to have in their lives.

I think what I find cruel is when people post with such disdain, saying stuff along the lines of feeling sorry for the kids, that they will need therapy later on, or how can you look at yourself? Very cruel. @Flossyrocks I'm sure you made the right decision for you all without this nastiness.

My partner hasn't got kids but I do. He isn't resentful of the kids but my difference is he feels upset he didn't have his own, in his own former long term relationship. But ultimately either he starts again with someone who has no kids or is with me. But i think in your case, he's resentful you had a life before him and the children are a reminder. He needs to deal with that. It's not your fault he didn't have kids with anyone else