Most men working in Finance or Law in city of London are narcissists?

[PoliteEagle]

I am dating with an intent to find a serious relationship. I live in Kensington in West London and most of my local dates are finance or law guys. While they are very successful, their personalities are let's say ... difficult. All of them either had full blown narcs traits or at least being very selfish. A friend of mine says they are all like that and I should skip any guy working in Finance or Law and dont waste time with them. I will remove lots of people from my pool by doing so, but my experience so far confirms her words.. Would you agree that most men working in Finance / Law in city of London are narcissists and not really suitable for a relationship?

I started dancing when I saw the title of the thread 😂

That good. Your firm has a good culture then. I had a date sometime ago with a guy who worked in asset management. He said once you join one of your top priorities is to build a network within a firm asap so if someone is plotting against you, you will learn about it before it is too late. Sounded quite dreadful to be honest

Honestly, OP, your agenda to date in order to marry someone who is prepared to support you while you’re economically inactive) is probably (1) very obvious and (2) not that attractive to many. What are you bringing to a potential relationship? What’s in it for the guy?

Well it’s funny you should say this OP as when I was dating I found people from Kensington to be narcissistic!

I didn’t really but saying people from a geographical location are all narcissists is the same as saying it about people that do a certain job

To answer your question I don’t agree with you. Over 20 years working in Finance I have met many wonderful men. Some dated, some have become very close friends and some who have dated friends of mine and are great partners. Oh and I have dated people from north, south, east and west London and never had anyone put off about distance if it’s serious

No this isn't the case. Some people in Finance can be dickheads, but there are as many others who can call them out because they are themselves well adjusted.

I expect it's the same with lawyers. I know an accountant who retrained as a lawyer, but he's one of the most thoughtful people I know 😂

Please read my opening message again and a question that I asked and stop off topic in my thread. Thanks

I’m a lawyer married to a lawyer. IME it’s common for men in law and finance to look to marry women with similar professional backgrounds. I think if you’re deliberately targeting men who would like a wife who doesn’t work, that’s probably both quite a small group and a certain type- men who want to be top dog in the relationship with an adoring spouse. (This isn’t to say nice men’s wives don’t become SAHMs, just that men who deliberately target a woman who wants this are more likely to be a particular type.).

I would suggest relaxing your criteria. Marry for money, you’ll earn every penny.

I will answer your original question
'Would you agree that most men working in Finance / Law in city of London are narcissists and not really suitable for a relationship?'

No

No, I am not targeting those men specifically, most of my dates coming from those fields as I just live in a specific area. It is the same as if I lived in Canary Wharf, lots of people who live there work for banks. It is just specific to the area. I have dates with guys in other professional jobs as well. Sometimes though they are a bit intimidated by me, some due to my job, some are still in flatshare, while I own etc. I think for many guys it is still important to feel that they earn more else many feel emasculated. I wanted to meet with few guys living in Islington/Shoreditch but they said they d prefer date people locally though it is not that far away.

I actually couldn't GAF if you care what I think. But I gave you my time with a genuine answer in that last thread. In both, you seem unable to take on any outside suggestions or information.

But my answer, as someone who spent years in law, at a magic circle firm, who is married to someone at a magic circle firm, and also living in RBKC, is no. That's not the case. So I think maybe it's you and your agenda.

The last thread is not dredging up something unrelated. It's germane to this one.

Assuming this is serious…

I work in Finance as does DH. He’s awesome. Most of his colleagues/friends are too. However they all really dislike being treated like a meal ticket and if someone is trying to date them because they earn a lot of money.

Your question asked whether your armchair diagnosis of ‘most men’ in two City sectors was the reason for your lack of success in dating. I’m suggesting the reason for this lack of success may have something to do with your agenda and selection criteria.

You don't seem to understand that I don't have to take any other people advice or suggestions including yours. And you definitely care if you keep posting and keep explaining your point of view. Thats why I am wondering if you have anything better to do and advice from a person like that is unlikely to be valuable anyways

Oh no, I understand very well. Good luck, OP. You'll need it.

You misread the question.

Thanks

I have worked in that sector for 25 years, and I’d say it depends upon the role within finance or law. Plenty of narcissists in client facing or investment management roles but plenty of lovely guys too. It’s highly competitive so lots of employees of any gender who are feeling under intense pressure.

DH is in PE and not at all a narcissist. We met living opposite ends of London and made it work. I don’t get your location argument. Different city - ok would be tricky. Different zone in London shouldn’t be a barrier to meeting or dating someone.

It is not a problem for me, I swiped on people on different areas and even met one guy but he whined that how inconvenient it is and his ex lived on the same street etc so I just stopped after a couple of such conversations. I think i just came across lazy guys and need to increase the radius and probably even concentrate on guys living outside of my area.

My DH works in one of these professions in the City of London. He's genuinely the nicest man I've ever met, or of anyone I dated - which is why I married him. We got together at university though, so before he was in this job.

I think it depends on the company - some of his colleagues I've met are complete wankers. Others are lovely, smart and nerdy.

To be blunt those jobs pay v well so I imagine a nice guy with those jobs will be snatched up - the ones that women don't want will probably be the narcissist/wankerish guys left. So they'll be more of those unattached.

But that's probably true of any profession, actually. Just keep going if working in this industry is your criteria - you'll eventually meet a nice one!

The majority of the parents at our dd's London prep are in city finance or law. They all seem to be friendly and decent enough, although I suppose they might only show their narc traits at home. DH is in tech and earns a similar amount, and he and all his colleagues are very chilled and lovely.

Guys in tech are lovely mostly. Nerdy and modest. The only issue I have is that they are a bit on a shy side and not very proactive. Of course it is generalisation as well, but this is my observation. So a woman should be more proactive here and I struggle with that, I prefer a guy to lead.