Most men working in Finance or Law in city of London are narcissists?

[PoliteEagle]

I am dating with an intent to find a serious relationship. I live in Kensington in West London and most of my local dates are finance or law guys. While they are very successful, their personalities are let's say ... difficult. All of them either had full blown narcs traits or at least being very selfish. A friend of mine says they are all like that and I should skip any guy working in Finance or Law and dont waste time with them. I will remove lots of people from my pool by doing so, but my experience so far confirms her words.. Would you agree that most men working in Finance / Law in city of London are narcissists and not really suitable for a relationship?

Surely depends on which part of Kensington, south Ken very difference to west!

I date all nearby areas South, West, Noting Hill, Chelsea, Nine Elms as well. Haven't noticed much difference within those.
But I do see difference to those who are in Islington for example. I work in a city so happy also meet there after work, but again seems it is men who are more keen on location based dating

This is bizarre to me. Until a couple of years ago I had lived in London my entire life (I’m 37) and I’ve never meet anyone, man or woman, who seems to be aiming to only date people from a certain postcode or profession. It’s very strange to view men from Islington or East London as being off the table due to ‘location’. It is also odd to be seemingly intent on dating exclusively lawyers or finance types when you are neither. What is it that attracts you to these men other than money?

Same, and same!

I have quite wide range 30-45. I dont have similar issues with guys working in other jobs, it is just not many of them local.

I am not aiming. I am just saying that most of the professionals living in my area are finance/law guys and that i didn't have positive experience dating them. Thats literally it.

I am not seeing men from other locations as off the table, but what I noticed that men prefer dating locally. Did you read posts with closed eyes? Else I dont know how you could get everything so wrong.

I am attracted to ambitious and driven people but I also value kindness and empathy a lot.

Just don't date people who work in law or finance? I can't say I'd be compelled to date someone from those sectors. I know they'd have very little interest in me also.
Date people who you think might have stuff in common with you.
I had one OLD with a banker from a french investment bank, he was really boring and then I think he tried to roofie me?! Really scary. This was more than 20 yrs ago. And bad luck?
I have family in those professions and they are nice people, but I wouldn't want to date bankers or lawyers.

All I know is I was baffled the way my friend, who is many a man’s dream woman, was treated by basically every man she dated after she moved to London.

She had much better luck as soon as she started specifically avoiding “city boys”

Certain personalities do cluster around certain occupations. I saw this as early as university, even thought I was very open minded to it all.

TV, film & fashion in particular is known to be a toxic triad. To thrive, you need to have a thick skin, be able to network, be disingenuous, work with people you don't like or don't like you, and be ruthless. Those are highly competitive, dog-eat-dog type places. They're very hierarchical. Abuse and bad manners are often tolerated as eccentricity and what the underlings have to put up with in a way that would not be accepted in other workplaces. Despite all the LGBT flag waving on screen, many of them are still very male dominated, macho workplaces off screen.

Just pointing this out in case you end up going the opposite direction thinking it might be all roses with men who work in a very different setting!

I'm wondering if maybe you've been dating men in positions of leadership? Leadership (a.k.a Lording-it-over-others), so often attracts unpleasant people to those roles.

Yes I agree, this is solution. I have more in common with STEM nerdy guys, Tech etc. There are very few of them in my area though, so would need to meet someone who would be open to date a person from other part of London.

TBH your story sounds super scary. I hope you had a safe escape.

I'd be very wary of anyone saying, well my husband is lovely blah blah.

My ex was one of these - he retired at 32.

I was with him from 18-22. I got a job in London aged about 27. By then he was married with 2 children, wife was a lawyer, lived in a very nice Victorian detached property. Earning big money.

Came with big attitude. He was 100% cheating on his wife, tried it on with me too saying it didn't count as he'd already been with me anyway (!!) and then the nice personna disappeared when I refused saying every man he works with is cheating it's no big deal.

I might add, lovely, charming, was decent (or he was when he was with me, and on the surfact he was very decent)

Wouldn't marry one if you paid me!

@PoliteEagle yeah, branch out geographically, by like a three mile radius? Or go east. More creatives that way? It could work wonders. Lol. I always thought the men in Kensington would be pervy rich blokes with questionable morals. But that's a gross generalisation I'm sure! 🤣

You're creating weird rules and parameters which will ultimately hinder your search for a good match. Be less prescriptive.

You value kindness and empathy a lot? That really doesn’t come across in your reply to my message. What does come across is you wearing ‘Kensington’ like a badge of honour and your clear intent to meet a man who fits a particular (socio-economic) mould.

Most men who are intelligent enough to succeed in those kind of professions will be put off by women who relentlessly pursue potential partners based on income, status or postcode. What you are left with are men who will overlook your materialistic aims… many of whom may well have narcissistic traits. But based on this thread I’d argue you’d be very well suited.

Ha that's funny, just talking to a friend today about this. I'm sure there are all sorts but I'd be inclined to agree sadly, from my experience of meeting people working in those fields. There's a high degree of unethical practice in finance so personally I wouldn't date someone who embraced that sort of career (law, I can take it or leave it and did nearly qualify as a lawyer but while finding my field very interesting, I ended up attracted to another career path).

Yes, but again, if this is your goal...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/parenting/5152067-i-want-to-be-sahm-do-i-need-to-marry-a-banker-to-become-one

😂😂😂

Noted that you didn’t answer the question about wanting to meet an investment banker so you could be a sahm (and no, I didn’t rtft because I’m not that invested, but I skimmed and @Bangin made me lol)

I am not going to reply to you as I am not interested in what you think and clearly you are trying to provoke a conflict so if you have nothing better to say or do than to search posting history and bring in old posts, you can keep going. I will ignore your posts.

We have compliance departments and regulatory oversight coming out of our ears in finance. I’m sorry but your comment about unethical practices is plain wrong.

I think unethical practices she is referring to might be backstabbing or smth like that

Well I haven’t seen it. They’re just ordinary workplaces with people working hard and subject to a lot of regulation and oversight.

You shouldn’t believe everything you see on the telly.