Most men working in Finance or Law in city of London are narcissists?

[PoliteEagle]

I am dating with an intent to find a serious relationship. I live in Kensington in West London and most of my local dates are finance or law guys. While they are very successful, their personalities are let's say ... difficult. All of them either had full blown narcs traits or at least being very selfish. A friend of mine says they are all like that and I should skip any guy working in Finance or Law and dont waste time with them. I will remove lots of people from my pool by doing so, but my experience so far confirms her words.. Would you agree that most men working in Finance / Law in city of London are narcissists and not really suitable for a relationship?

I always imagine men in those sectors in London are like Wolf of Wall Street except being in the 80s. I don't mean in the illegal way they traded as in the film but their personalities the same as the men in the film...

My DH works in finance in London. He's a gem. As are many of my (male) friends who work in finance and/or law in London.

Aren't you the poster who was wanting to find an investment banker so you could be a SAHM?

And what does 'most men' mean? I spent years in city law, my DH is a city lawyer, many of our friends are in city law or finance, and, no, they're not narcissists in any greater percentages than people I've met in other areas of life.

Perhaps your problem is dating with the intent of achieving one specific (rather narcissistic) goal?

Finance and law are pretty broad fields so no I don't think they are all narcissists.

Married to a wonderful man who works in Finance and his work mates all seem like decent people too 🤷🏻‍♀️

🤨 my husband works in finance in the city (wfh a lot these days though) and I’m a solicitor, though not working at the moment. I’ve definitely worked with some challenging characters but I wouldn’t say narcissists. Large ego and competitive would probably be fair, a lot of them are in long term relationships, they seem happy but who knows really. Husband is lovely and his crowd seem to be, too.

Like everywhere, you’ll have some good eggs and some bad ones. I wouldn’t tar all city types with the same brush but generally to do well in those type of environments you do need a certain drive.

I’ve worked in the financial sector for nearly 40 years. And no not all men in the industry are narcissistic, there are an awful lot within the sector who are misogynistic, serial cheating, ego driven pricks who think having money makes them Gods gift.

The whole Masters of the Universe culture does remain though not as much as the 80’s and 90’s. The sector does attract very driven ambitious people so that’s why there is so much arrogance within it.

yeah very large egos.
Of course I cannot say for sure the guys I met/dated were narcississts, I am not a specialist in this field to diagnose them, but experienced classic love bombing/devaluation stages and a clear lack of empathy. But I definitely see the difference between those who work in these areas and those who are not.
I guess by law I mean all those working in firms like Magic Circle and Finance are those in high finance such as private equity. I noticed that guys working in back office finance such as finance teams at companies like FMCG are much easier and pleasant to deal with. Maybe I should date outside my local area but distance in London is such a pain,...

To 'make it' in finance or law you need to be driven, hard-working, clever and charismatic. These are all positive traits and excellent potential husband material.

But lots of people also 'make it' by adding into that list things like: ruthlessness, arrogance and selfishness.

Source: a lifetime of working in or alongside those industries, but as someone on the outside looking in so to speak.

My best friend from school is married to a lawyer who works at a bank. He's a lovely man.

Diagnosing people as narcissists is such a current thing and is also such bollocks.

That aside, I know many many lawyers, and finance people. I know many very brilliant, kind and super intelligent men in these fields, particularly lawyers. Personally, I find finance guys a bit more dull but even that’s a stupid generalisation.

But as a much older woman than I suspect you are, I can tell you now it is a numbers game and the road is strewn with twats of all shapes and sizes, from every profession / job you can imagine.

You know so much is down to luck and timing, I met my husband when we were students at university. I knew he was smart but I didn’t know his earning potential! I’ll also add that he wasn’t my “type” at all and had I been following a tick box exercise of meeting my type, I’d never be with him now!

There are successful people in all industries and areas, just because they’re not living in Kensington doesn’t mean they’re not doing well, just because they’re not in law or finance doesn’t mean they’re not earning well either. Cast your net wider would be my advice, you have no idea who you’re overlooking. Or you know, join the hurlingham, roof gardens club or harbour club (though the latter may be too family oriented) and hope you meet someone there!

OP - you sound strangely naive.
People (men and women) working in high pressured corporate jobs will have certain traits - will be ambitious, and driven, and hard working. That personality has positives and negatives. But - if you live in one if the most expensive areas of London - you either work in the same sort of jobs, (or have family money?)

Of course not all man are this or that. A ridiculous statement. But in some general sense - men in those jobs are not in a hurry to settle down. And many do realise that their attractiveness is boosted by their job/income.
’Man in finance, trust fund, etc’

You can date whoever you want - and from whatever area. As with all relationships - it comes down to meeting one person that works

If you go looking for stereotypes then you will find them.

I am in my 50's, married for almost 30 years to someone who, 30 years ago might have fit your stereotype.

What has kept us together? Lots of things but his kindness and patience are the primary qualities that I value now and valued then.
Look at men as individuals not as a type and you will be fine.

I work in finance in the City. The men are completely normal and usually hardworking as are the women. These are just lazy stereotypes that I suggest you ignore and get to know individuals instead.

Isn't "all the guys I date are narcissists" the female equivalent of "my ex was a psycho"?

Seriously OP, there must be tens of thousands of men across Law and Finance. Perhaps you've just been unlucky?

This isn't my experience. The ones I know are true gems and kind. But I do live in east London - Kensington is a specific vibe

One of my dearest and oldest friends is a lawyer, a partner in a big firm. He’s the kindest, most down to earth and least narcissistic person you could hope to meet.

Cool, I guess then it is something wrong with my picker if I manage to land on dates with seemingly less nice guys.
To poster who called me a naïve, I may be of course, I get that those people would be ambitious, hard working and driven but those traits are not equal narcissisms or being selfish?
I am in consulting, I still find people in my field are more pleasant to deal with than guys in finance/law at least the ones I met. I am just not really comfortable with dating someone from work.
As for dating people from East London, I dont mind, though it is not really convenient for me manageable still , but I noticed that men are much more strict on location than women.

I’m a lawyer at a large city law firm with dozens of male colleagues whom I know quite well and like a lot (have been there a long time). They’re normal, good guys. DH is a lawyer. Also a normal, good guy. There are arseholes in any profession but equally, in any profession, most people are normal, kind, decent and doing their best.

I’m not sure you will make the cut op. They will be the most intelligent men available and highly focused and savvy - I doubt they will be keen to have a long term relationship with someone that gets sucked info general stereotypes and ill based diagnosis of strangers. It’s not big or clever to try and label entire professions! Honestly.

Another one who knows lots of nice men who work in Law and Finance, some earning tons of money. Kensington may be the issue!

Yeah I think we came to resolution it is either the area I live in (Kensington) or myself (I pick people like that)