I'm debating this should be in AIBU but essentially my DH parents are elderly frail and live the other end of the country, over the years I've distanced and watched my DH do absolutely sweet FA to support them and his sister lives very close.
He will message, WhatsApp offer verbal support but the burden on the care of his parents falls squarely on her shoulders. They should be in a care home that's the level, they can't care for themselves at all.
I don't even like my SIL very much but this is essentially what my own sister has done to me, and left me to be the carer and support for my own mum.
My DH hasn't visited for a year, he says he's busy, doesn't have time and what he is doing is burying his head in the sand that his folks will live forever and this somehow isn't his responsibility.
I'm just about at the end of my respect for him as a human, his lack of care, lack of effort and ability to dump this on his sister makes me really dislike him.
I've told him all of the above but I'm not sure he quite understands how serious I am and how disappointed and sad I feel.
What would you do? Step in and let SIL know how you feel about his and see if her shouting at him works?
Accept he's an uncaring piece of shit and have a very big conversation.
Or just butt out and let him be the one that feels bloody awful that he didn't support them at all?