DH kissed his best friend (female)..

[boriso]

One of Dh's best friends is female - they have been close for 20 years and met at Uni before I met dh.

Recently she has been going through some major marital diffuculties (she fell in love with somoone else and had an affair) and my dh has been a shoulder for her to cry on. Recently I have started to feel a bit uncomfortable about this. Nothing I could really put my finger on, I have never felt threatened by this woman.

Anyway, I checked his phone this morning (due to feeling not quite right about all of this) and it seems that when they last met up they kissed. The text from her read - "It was only a kiss don't stress about it too much, it was lovely though".

What would you do??!!

Hmmmm. Why were you going through your husband's phone? You'll have to answer that one!

I'd be livid, to be honest, but would confront DH calmly and ask for an explanation. If your husband values his marriage, he might want to think about backing away from this friendship.

I would go completely fucking mental!

Although it means owning up to checking his phone - I think you need to speak to him about it.

Its horrible and I really feel for you but he's clearly feeling bad about it (obviously still very wrong though). Speak to him before it goes any further

Oh, this is horrible, Boriso; your head must be all over the place. I really feel that if she needs a shoulder to cry on, it should be a joint one. Given her track record, I wouldn't trust her as far as I could drop-kick her. I would tell dh what you've seen, in all honesty, and say that if she wants to meet him again to discuss her pain you will both be there to help her.

I agree with OsmosisBanana - I would also go mental. He will be very defensive though and it will be your fault for having checked his phone! Good luck.

I don't think it matters that she was going through her husbands phone- they made vows after all, and he KISSED another woman. Womens intuition is frequently spot on.

Not sure what to advise you to do, but I would go nuts and ask him to stop seeing her before it destroys your marriage. If he can't just break it off, and if he doesn't see where you're coming from, I think it might be an emotional affair.

How horrible for you, you are obviously a trusting and fair person to be comfortable with him having a female best friend in the first place. What a shame he's crapped on that.

Sod the phone - Come clean and say you checked it because things didn't feel right.

Get this out in the open NOW!!

It sounds like it was an accident (on the part of your DH at least!) and he's feeling guilty about it.

The sooner you talk about it the sooner you will have a solution.

Oh yes. and I'd go f*cking mental!

To make matters worse, he is going to stay with her and her husband tomorrow, with the kids, but without me. I said weeks ago that I would stay at home and try and have a bit of a kids-free break.

NO! Talk to him NOW!

whatever you said weeks ago means didly squat now.

Urr, Boriso, talk to him tonight. Don't think it's a good idea that he stays with her under any circumstances. Don't let them take the piss out of you.

Jeez, I would kick that birds butt across the globe if I could. It's not just the kiss but her text 'it was lovely' that really offends. Have it out with your dh and he has to know that henceforth he is banned from seeing this woman again.

'It was lovely though' sounds dangerous. Why is she saying that? Just 'don't stress' would have been enough. Sounds like she's fishing to me.

boriso don't do it. Doesn't matter that you already made arrangements- either cancel the whole thing, come clean and go nuts at him, or at the very least go with him.

If it were me I'd get them both in a room and confront them.

Don't let him go - you'll have a crap weekend worrying and why the hell should he get to go off after all this?

Always trust that inner voice! It obviously told you something wasn't quite right, which is why you checked the phone. And tell him that if he confronts you on looking at his phone.. you knew in your gut that something was amiss.

The fact that she's commented that the kiss was lovely indicates to me that she's possibly looking for more..sorry, I know that sounds horrible. But why else would she say that? She should've said: it'll never happen again.
I would sit him down, and without anger or reproach, just tell him what you've done and ask why he did it. If you approach it from a neutral aspect, you're bound to get more truthfulness and less of a guilt ridden battle from him.

Best of luck to you.

Good luck Boriso.

You are all absolutely right, thanks for your replies - I shall confront him tonight. And he shall not be visiting her either. Her husband works shifts and could quite easily not be there. Jesus, I am so fucked off with him. My mum died a few weeks ago and I could really do without any more bloody pain!!

Does her DH know about the affair?

No, her husband has no idea about the affair. Although they have been going to relate.

Wankers, the pair of them.

did her husband know about her affair?

she sounds a little bit of a snake tbh

In that case phone the bitch and tell her if she EVER so much as texts your hubby again you'll tell her husband EVERYTHING about her affair (and I'm assuming you'll have the inside scoop, too)

Don't pull any punches, she's a cheater, and she says kissing your husband was lovely. I wonder who initiated the kiss?

I don't have a problem with "just a kiss", but 99% of the time it leads to more, IME.

I don't think "getting mad" is going to help anyone, just talk. A lot.

Good Luck.

I agree you have to confront him and get him to end all contact with this woman

She sounds dangerous to me. She is clearly not happy in her marriage and looking for someone to bolster her self esteem and make her feel better about herself.

Sorry you are having to go through this so soon after your mum's death. He is an inconsiderate man

Erm, is it possible she was talking about a kiss with someone else?

And if they are best friends perhaps he was worried she is seeing the other man again?