Hello you lot. Well we have talked and talked and talked. He is devastated by what he has done. I don't think he could grovel more. I showed him something on the internet about Emotional Affairs and he agress absolutely that that is what they were having. And he sees now how much damage this has done.
He says that when she first turned to him for support after the break up of her affair he was genuinely just there as a shoulder for her to cry on. They talked almost exclusively about her and her problems and he was happy to listen to her to help her through it. He feels something shifted in the relationship the last time but one they met. She became far more keen to focus on his relationship with me and she was almost trying to establish that our marriage was as bad as hers. He sadly went along with all of this and obviously entered into their mutual "spouse bashing" with some gusto. He said he was thoroughly enjoying the attention and the postive regard and loved the way he was making her feel. At the end of this particular evening she gave him an extremely long hug and kissed goodbye him on the lips (not a snog). He says that at this point he realised that their relationship had shifted and he bitterly regrets that he did not nip it in the bud at this point. But he was enjoying himself too much and was seduced by the excitement of it all.
The next time they met, last week, she came out with the "I have always loved you" confession and he admits that this again was quite seductive and obviously made him feel great. What a stupid man. By the way Skidoodle, he agrees with you about the love confession - that she has just reconstructed it all in her mind as she is f##cked up and vulnerable. He says he has never ever had the impression that she loved him before, and indeed neither had I. They snogged at the end of this evening, both very drunk (no excuse). I still wonder why she came out with how whe was feeling if she did not want to damage our marriage further.
He has showed me the emails they exchanged after this and there is lots of talk of not doing it again from him, although no actually expressed regret. He realises now how totally stupid it was of him to plan to go and stay with her this weekend considering all that had happened. He says that he genuinely thought that they could ensure that a repeat performance didn't happen and they could remain as just friends, but accepts absolutely how ridiculous this thinking was. I know that had I not found out then it was bound to happen again (not this weekend as her husband was there, but in the future).
He sees how weak and pathetic he has been and seems to be showing genuine regret that he was enjoying it all so much he couldn't see the damage they were doing.
He has cut off all contact with her now. He sent her an email telling her this and explaining what damage had been done and how that it most definitely was not "just a kiss". He showed me the email afterwards and to be honest it was spot on, I could not have penned it better myself.
He now sees that he was totally in the wrong and that he behaved like an arse. But of course this "realisation" has only come about because I caught them out. This is the thing I will struggle with most I think, and he sees that. I think we can move forward though.
Damn, have to go out now.
Thank you all you wonderful ladies for your wise words and lively debate - you have all been a great help and support.