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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH kissed his best friend (female)..

301 replies

boriso · 25/04/2008 11:34

One of Dh's best friends is female - they have been close for 20 years and met at Uni before I met dh.

Recently she has been going through some major marital diffuculties (she fell in love with somoone else and had an affair) and my dh has been a shoulder for her to cry on. Recently I have started to feel a bit uncomfortable about this. Nothing I could really put my finger on, I have never felt threatened by this woman.

Anyway, I checked his phone this morning (due to feeling not quite right about all of this) and it seems that when they last met up they kissed. The text from her read - "It was only a kiss don't stress about it too much, it was lovely though".

What would you do??!!

OP posts:
kneedeepinthedirtylaundry · 25/04/2008 21:46

good luck for the confrontation, boriso.

expatinscotland · 25/04/2008 21:46

Hey, he let himself be manipulated.

He's just as predatory as she is

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 25/04/2008 21:47

Ok, but she's already been a bitch and a slapper by cheating on her poor husband already with her best friend's husband- to say nothing of possibly kissing the op's husband. She isn't exactly whiter than white, is she?

I'm all for sisterly solidarity but she has none, therefore deserves none. You do not mess about with married men. Full stop!

MrsSchadenfreude · 25/04/2008 21:49

But if he messed around with her and initiated the whole thing?

MrsSchadenfreude · 25/04/2008 21:49

Just because she's been fucking someone else doesn't mean she'll drop her drawers for any man, does it?

Divastrop · 25/04/2008 21:49

im sure if it turns out not to be a misunderstanding,then plenty of people will be along with 'b**d,a**hole,tosser' as well.

i just hope it is a huge misunderstanding

MascaraOHara · 25/04/2008 21:52

I don't know how she held it together today. I hope she is getting what she needs from her dh right now

SparklyGothKat · 25/04/2008 21:54

what a pair of tossers!

expatinscotland · 25/04/2008 21:55

yeah, like the truth, MOH!

poor boriso.

AitchTwoCiao · 25/04/2008 21:55

no-one knows, yet. i hope the truth is that she kissed him and he was stressing about it and saying that he doesn't want to go and stay there. i've certainly been kissed by men who've thought it was lovely when i know it fooking wasn't. best of luck, boriso.

SlartyBartFast · 25/04/2008 21:56

how do you know they kissed each other???

obimomkanobi · 25/04/2008 22:58

I hope boriso has got the answers she needs. The message she found didn't sound too 'good'..but it could be an innocent thing, or it could have just been a kiss and her DH might feel dreadful about it.

I think she's been incredibly restrained about it all and it's been nice to read some top MN support on this thread.

expatinscotland · 25/04/2008 23:01

she's definitely given him the benefit of the doubt, obi, especially given how she felt uncomfortable about the recent direction their relationship was taking.

Blueskythinker · 26/04/2008 00:15

Why can't some women keep their grubby mitts to themselves? They seem to revel in the tawdriness.

I hope the discussion goes well. I would be having a 'friendly' word in her ear also.

I really hope your DH recognises what he has done, and is begging for forgiveness at the moment.

littlewoman · 26/04/2008 00:55

I can't help thinking that if she had kissed him, maybe she would have said "sorry, I was confused" or "it won't happen again" in the text. I hate to cause the op pain, but I think he was at least half to blame. Sorry.

jasper · 26/04/2008 01:21

have you lot all been drinking?

There's an awful lot of jumping to conclusions here.

Blueskythinker · 26/04/2008 01:26

Um yes, of course. It's 1.25 on Friday night / Sat morning.

littlewoman · 26/04/2008 01:31

No, not at all

Original poster
boriso · 26/04/2008 08:25

Well, here is an update. I checked his phone when he came in and he had deleted the incriminating text and no others. An open and shut case I think you will agree?

I asked him to tell me about his relationship with his friend, asked him to tell me if anything was going on, asked him if anything happened on Wed night etc etc etc. All very calmly. He said nothing going on, had nothing to tell me etc etc. So told him what I had read and he did finally confess. Lying bastard. I then have to say I lost it with him. He grovelled and apologised a lot. Said it had all been a mistake and they had got carried away and he felt awful. He said they both kissed each other rather than anyone actually instigating it. ?.

I asked why the f**k had he been planning to still go and stay with her this weekend after what had happened? He said they had exchanged emails and decided to put it behind them and her dh was there too.

Dh coming downstairs now will fill you in with the rest later.....

OP posts:
josta · 26/04/2008 08:26

Thinking of you this morning Boriso. Hope you got something sorted out last night.

NickiSue · 26/04/2008 08:28

Im glad you confronted it hun, it would have eaten you up otherwise. I hope you get through this ok x x x

josta · 26/04/2008 08:31

Sorry Boriso x post.

At least it is now in the open, if this were my situation I would want my DH to cut all ties with her, if this is possible after 20 years, but they have crossed the line and she just sounds like trouble.

MascaraOHara · 26/04/2008 08:38

thinking of you Boriso.. hope you manage to work through this.. it does sound like (even from the text) that he knows he has done wrong..

I would however never allow them to be alone together and no more cosy trips to her house anymore. I would also tell her husband (off the record) so he can monitor too.

good luck

wouldbehippychick · 26/04/2008 08:41

I hope you're ok Boriso. You've had to deal with a really horrible situation, and I agree with josta that you have every right to expect them not to see each other. It has crossed the line. Maybe there's always been something underlying between them, and now they've 'gone there' the innocent friendship that it once was, is no longer. She now could be any other woman that he kissed, and you wouldn't stand for him continuing to see her either, would you?

I'd also be tempted to ask him to see the emails they exchanged after the event. Just to make sure. If he's nothing more to hide, then it should set your mind at rest.

I think you've handled it all really well, and hope that he realises what he could have lost

good luck

CountessDracula · 26/04/2008 09:21

Well I'm glad he admitted eventually
If it's any consolation I think all men lie in these situations, it's a damage limitation exercise I believe. They think that if they deny deny deny that you won't find out and their easy life with continue..

I hope he has agreed to not go and stay with her

Thinking of you x