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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Friend’s husband is having an affair, I don’t know whether to mention it

311 replies

CovenOfCheeses · 28/10/2024 20:59

A friend is having chemo and she is struggling. They have small children. Husband is not supportive at home and does not go to hospital appointments with her or for treatment and I often have to go and drop her, stay with her and pick her up. I often do her shopping and cook when she tires. He is the main breadwinner and he said he is busy at work all the time.

Once last week I dropped my friend into hospital for an overnight and then went to pick her kids up from school. I then popped into her house (as I have the keys to get pj’s/entertainment for the kids) in case we were going to be really late back. I popped upstairs and noticed my friend’s husband in bed with another woman in their room. They saw me but I just left.

The husband keeps on texting me to keep quiet, not break up his marriage, it was a one off, he will try to make amends, he will do what it takes, he feels foolish, etc. I have ignored his messages and when I go around to help with the kids he tries to speak to me and I force myself away because he disgusts me. I try and always keep the kids around to stop him from mentioning it. They are old enough to catch on if he talks in Front of them. I have reached the stage where I don’t want to go around.

I don’t know what to do. Should I tell her? She needs to know to protect herself and the kids as he does not do childcare and I fear for them if anything happens to her.

OP posts:
Commonsense22 · 12/05/2025 19:20

So sorry to hear. What a shock for you.

Secondstart1001 · 12/05/2025 19:25

Oh your poor friend. How sad this is. Condolences to you and I am sorry you will not get much closure in terms so knowing why she cut you off though very likely because of her husband. Hard too you never got to say good bye but keep comfort you were a very good friend x

Shhkor77 · 12/05/2025 19:27

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Lighteningstrikes · 12/05/2025 19:44

Do NOT tell her now when she’s going through cancer treatment, it will devastate her and could be detrimental to her health and recovery.

TwistedWonder · 12/05/2025 19:48

Lighteningstrikes · 12/05/2025 19:44

Do NOT tell her now when she’s going through cancer treatment, it will devastate her and could be detrimental to her health and recovery.

Read the update - she’s passed away

cjcghana · 12/05/2025 20:10

We're you contacted by her solicitors as you mentioned previously that you were Executor of her will?

Vibgyor · 12/05/2025 20:22

I’m really sorry to hear that, how sad.

RockyRogue1001 · 12/05/2025 20:30

Oh gosh, that's so sad.

Those poor children

OverthinkingOlive · 12/05/2025 21:00

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In this case - yes

Shhkor77 · 12/05/2025 21:58

OverthinkingOlive · 12/05/2025 21:00

In this case - yes

"I popped upstairs and noticed my friend’s husband in bed with another woman in their room."

Who "pops upstairs" and "notices" her friend's husband in bed with another woman?

Shhkor77 · 12/05/2025 22:18

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