Leaving a suicidal person

[A1m52]

Boyfriends mental health has controlled our relationship. His illness has a side effect of being reckless and making rash decisions. This causes him to spend all his money and then ask me for help. He's lied alot this year and some of his behaviour has disgusted me.

I've had to call him paramedics 3 times since May.. overdoses and hallucinations. He never gets kept in and refuses to go to the mental health team.

He's loosing his house today but he's not responded to the section 8 at all and not contacted the council.

He's uncontactable alot..sleeping alot. Heavily depressed. I'm suffering too though as I wake up to nothing from him message wise. I go to work and often only just hear from him in the afternoons. He's online throughout the night. This morning seeing he was online at 4am but didn't reply to my messages at 9pm Last night has made me once again message him saying you clearly talk to someone online in the night (he denies it everytime)

I have just blocked his number. But I feel so cruel! I am exhausted and tired of him leaving on me. I do care so deeply. But I feel he's turning to someone else and he's up all night chatting.

You poor thing. Hes in such a bad way and needs help but he sounds completely self-centred - you're allowed a life too!
I think you should tell him how you're struggling and your mental health is suffering and you need to focus on yourself for a bit. You're not his paid carer - does he ever ask how you are?
Do it now while he's got other things going on - whatever you do don't let him move in with you or you'll never get your space back!

Yeah he will do. But it seems he's only really talking to me when he's hungry and I send him groceries through just eat. He was really teary tired 2 days ago. He takes too many tablets. But now he's told me I'm.allowed to get him help or speak to crises team but I am banned from allowing any ambulances to his flat. Mental health teams now say ring 999 we can't help him untill he's been physically seen. So I can't get him support.

I cannot deal with the process of him loosing this house. My house is cosy and financially I cannot move him in. He's too reckless.
He has absolutely nothing. He stole one of my £10 heat styling sprays this week out my bathroom. If I leave cash in my purse or house he pinches it. He's so desperate I guess. But I help him so the stealing us massively unjustified.

What positive things does this man bring to your life??
This relationship is no good for you.
He can never be a good partner until he addresses his issues and does everything he can to get well.
Thats not happening right now. You have done the right thing.
You can’t trust him and you can’t save him.

And stop giving him money, I presume he’s spending it on drugs?

You are doing the right thing . If he tried / does something similar in the next few weeks , it's being done to hurt you .
Don't react to it . He's not your problem anymore .

A partner is supposed to enhance the life you already have. In what way does this man add value and bring you happiness?

You already bankroll him by supplying good and he still steals from you.

You may feel guilty but he’s a grown man who has made his life choices. For your own sanity you need to shut the door

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I walk around sad looking at real couples living their lives. I get nothing on my birthday. I get no sex. He financially takes off me. I pay for everything. I'm scared to death with how ill cope if he gives up. His ex saved his life too. He did die that time twice in the ambulance. Its trauma inducing I think. I've spoken to a woman ge had a brief thing with when his ex and he were on the rocks. It took her 3 years to recover from 6 months in his world. She ended up on antidepressants. I think women end up responsible for him whilst he's cheating lying and doing all the wrong stuff. But then he has these huge breakdowns which are genuine and usually end up in almost Death.

You are not responsible for someone else’s life.

He is an adult and as such is 100% responsible for his own life.

You cannot keep someone else warm by setting yourself on fire.

You deserve a happy and peaceful life.

Get yourself a therapist for support as you cut this guy from your life. He brings nothing but stress and chaos.

I think so he has done alot in the past. He gets £800 uc and £96 pip as he lost his job!!! His rents £450. The rest is gone in 48 hours. He pays no bills and never buys food shopping. He smokes 3 pouches of tobacco a week at £20 a time.

You are doing the right thing OP. It's very sad but he needs to be the one to turn things around. You are powerless here.

Thank you. I have had therapy on and off. It's too pricey at the moment. I do read up alot of stuff though and try help myself.

Just leave op

give yourself permission to be happy and live a normal life with affection
rhis man sounds highly manipulative and selfish and whilst I feel for anyone with mental health - yours shouldn’t suffer because of kindness either

His problems are not your problems.

Don't choose to make them yours.

You are not responsible for his health and wellbeing. Helping him is only delaying him getting proper help. The maximum you should do from now on is make sure he has the phone numbers he needs (including samaritans obviously) but otherwise do not engage. Stop using the word boyfriend of him. He's someone who was using you who you have now escaped from.

When I first met him he was so different to who he is now. Maybe it was a mask. But he's deteriorated so much.

You made me cry. Give myself permission to be happy. For once I want it to be safe to be about me. I'm tired. I want it to stop. I'm nothing like him..I work and pay my bills. I already helped him through being homeless in 2022/2023. He's only had this flat a year. I'm so exhausted he's back loosing his home. But I fully agree with the landlord. He's not appreciated it or looked after it.

Just to clarify- I mean you are doing the right thing to block him.

Thank you. You are right I know you are. He needs to face the mess he has made. I know he feels like there's no point. But he didn't protect himself. He choose drugs and reckless living, bad people and online flirting over me and him. So how can I save him from himself anymore

You're doing the right thing, he isn't in a place to help himself by the sound of it so literally nothing you ever do would be enough. Don't let it ruin your life, and a million percent don't let him move it. Leave and block.

OP, did you ever consider that he lets himself get this bad because he knows he has women to pick him up? You sound like a lovely kind person and you are being ruthlessly taken advantage of. Depression is an awful illness because it can make someone very selfish (I know from experience) but it sounds as if that is his personality. He is making the choice to blow his benefit money on fags and drugs, why on earth should you subsidize him?

Block him, make it clear that you have no more support left in the tank to offer and move on. He will drag you down with him. You aren't his mum but that's what you have become. You ARE worth more than that.

He will keep making bad choices for as long as he has someone protecting him from the consequences.

You have to stop caring. Your concerned observation of his fate is enabling him to feel he has a safety net and stopping him from taking responsibility. He's expecting you to be there so he never hits rock bottom. Block him. Do not keep an eye on how he is doing. You aren't his saviour and shouldn't be trying.

It sounds like you have fallen into the white Knight role. You can't save him, you are not responsible for him, he brings nothing positive to your life, ignore, block and get on with your life.

. He has EUPD and a mood disorder. So his depression is a result of his chaotic Brain I guess. I really feel sorry for him. Sometimes he says he doesn't know what it feels like to be normal. He says he's never felt like a normal person does and it scares him.

I am unfortunately one of a few females who's held themselves heavily responsible for his wellbeing.

I have reached my limit. It's taken a few years. But its too much. I am throwing myself into my own life trying to keep busy. I feel happier in some ways. This last week I've gone out more and started reading again. As my minds just constantly on him..it feels peaceful in those moments when I let myself do something for myself.

Yeah I'm preventing his rock bottom. If I wasn't buying him fags and stuff he'd need to be self sufficient and that's exactly what he needs to be.

I think its too late now for him though in life. I dont see how he can ever be living and functioning in a home and having a structured life.

I'm tired. Mentally tired.

You sound a very loving and caring person and deserve to have that reciprocated. Could I gently suggest looking at doing something like the freedom programme to try and unravel why you are with this man? It can be done in person or online and might give you some confidence to walk away. Just google to see if there's one running locally or you can also do it online.
Wishing you all the love you deserve