Leaving a suicidal person

[A1m52]

Boyfriends mental health has controlled our relationship. His illness has a side effect of being reckless and making rash decisions. This causes him to spend all his money and then ask me for help. He's lied alot this year and some of his behaviour has disgusted me.

I've had to call him paramedics 3 times since May.. overdoses and hallucinations. He never gets kept in and refuses to go to the mental health team.

He's loosing his house today but he's not responded to the section 8 at all and not contacted the council.

He's uncontactable alot..sleeping alot. Heavily depressed. I'm suffering too though as I wake up to nothing from him message wise. I go to work and often only just hear from him in the afternoons. He's online throughout the night. This morning seeing he was online at 4am but didn't reply to my messages at 9pm Last night has made me once again message him saying you clearly talk to someone online in the night (he denies it everytime)

I have just blocked his number. But I feel so cruel! I am exhausted and tired of him leaving on me. I do care so deeply. But I feel he's turning to someone else and he's up all night chatting.

Thank you. I dont think there's anyone left to contact. 2 adult kids. One doesn't talk to him anyway. You are fully right. It's emotionally exhausting and I want to give the responsibility to someone else. That's why I got the crises team involved. But they ate seeing every 4 months. No good for someone drowning in depression. They never help me. I've spoken to GPS, police, 111,mental health services. Paramedics. Each and every single person passes it onto another profession. They all tell me to ring someone else of the above list. Nobody can do a single thing beyond long waiting lists and the agreement to stay in hospital which he refuses. He went in last week and told me they wanted to keep him in but he insisted he wanted to go home and could "look Fter himself"

Leave him OP. He’s brings nothing to your relationship. Be thankful he doesn’t live with you. Your are not responsible for him and you deserve so much more from life 💐

You cannot make yourself unhappy to make someone else happy. He gives nothing and takes everything. Block him and move on without guilt.

Give the responsibility to him. Why have you made him and his decisions your responsibility?
Let him "look Fter himself".

You've missed the most important person who can help him. Himself.

There is a good phrase - "Enough is enough" and you have had enough by the sounds of it... block and move on cos he never will with the way things are at the moment..

OP I felt so sad reading your posts.
I am going to be blunt.
Whatever is wrong with this man, and I don’t doubt he is ill, he doesn’t care about you. He’s not capable of it.
He clearly has addiction issues and addicts put themselves and their addictions first. There is nothing you can do in that situation.
It is an awful feeling if you are a decent person, but the best thing you could do to help him is to walk away and block him.
While he knows you are there, he will do nothing about his situation. He will continue to get as much as he can from you.
It is clear he has already lost some decent people because they’ve had enough of his behaviours.
If you could speak to an addict who has got clean, and stayed clean, they will tell you they acted when they hit rock bottom, because they had to.
Imagine if you had a daughter? What would your advice be to her?
You work hard, and well done on creating a lovely home for yourself. If you can, it’s worth investing in therapy even if it’s just a few sessions.
We all get one life. You don’t want to look back when you are older and regret giving so much of yourself in this way.
You have done your best in every way, but you could do it for the next 10/20/30 years and the result will never change.
I agree with all the PPs about the Freedom Programme. Give it a go.

Never stand between a man and his rock bottom as they say.
You need to look after yourself - no one else is. Time to walk away.

OP, welcome to the first day of your new life.
You are now allowed happiness.
You are now allowed peace.
You are now allowed to spend your own money as you choose.
You are allowed love and affection.

He is behind you. He will never change and will go from person to person, draining the life from them.
You are free.

This man is a parasite. Albeit one with mental health issues and addictions, but still a parasite and a user.

Keep him blocked. You are allowed to be happy op.

You deserve better than this @A1m52. Have a look in your local area to see if there is any support available - start by googling your local addiction support, if they have family/friends support it should be listed on their website.

I work in this area, happy to help you to find support locally x

Oh honey, he's not your responsibility.

He can't change until he chooses to, and he won't choose to if you keep enabling him.

Be free of him, please.

I can't swim around here but I think I'm going to start my countryside walks again to up my fitness.
It's important to keep busy isn't it. Thank you for your reply.

Ask yourself what the 90 year old you would tell you to do. It won't be to stay with him that's for sure, you have to do whatever it is for your survival- that was the best advice I ever had and it can mean a few things but it still holds true.

That's the reality isn't it. You become theor emotional punchbag. They Need us to not feel so vulnerable but they don't truly want us for us. I feel so sorry for your DD at that age. I'm in my 30s and feel like a lost child in the midst of it all sometimes.

Its not your job to fix him

You're doing the right thing, don't let him drag you down and whatever you do, stay strong and don't let him move in. I mean this kindly - please work on yourself to increase your self esteem so that you don't end up with men like this in the future.

I'm not going to go into a monologue about this as it's all been said. But I will say I've been you, and washing your hands of this man will be the single best thing you can ever do for yourself. Just go and be free 🦋

I've unblocked, messaged then re blocked. His excuse was he was talking to his daughter (always the excuse)

I replied back. It's nice you were supporting her. But its not really a get out card or excuse for not responding to me. My names on your screen and for reasons only you know im not worthy of a reply. Im The person you claim to love and fear loosing. Actions are speaking louder than words and if I was valued you simply would treat me like i mattered. I cannot continue this relationship now. I'm not going to stay where I'm not valued and not wanted. I dont want any nastiness I've said all I need to say.

Then I've re blocked.

My hearts pounding in my chest.

Thank you. I need to look into things. I'm so sad 😞. I have had therapy but it never feels they quite get where I'm stuck. Then I get angry. I know really it comes down to me being strong and not giving in or turning back. I need to accept I'll feel sad and go through the pain..but it's so easy to go back to not deal with it. But it's getting harder and harder because my feelings towards him are all bad and sad. It distresses me so much but its the way he's treated me.

Just go and be free 😔 thank you x

If he kills himself it won’t be because of you. He’s not well. He’s also not nice. You need to leave block and do NOT turn back. Not for a second.

Thank you. I'm sorry it made you sad. It is sad and I've felt swallowed up. I used to be a really happy content person. I smile alot. I'm positive in general. Love laughing. I am horrified at what he's shown me. I cannot cope with the frustrations that all his bad luck is from his own terrible selfish choices.

I don't believe he cares about me. He has a very obsessive emotional thing for his ex. It's improved no end in the last year. But gosh he was putting her up on a pedestal above ne for a long time. Yet he did all this to her aswel. One of his old bosses said to me ages ago, get away from him. He will drag you down and bring a ton of shit to your life you don't need. He then proceeded to tell me his ex treated him like a king and he rubbed women in her face. Got drunk at work and made a show of himself. He said one Monday he went into work and said if "amy" finds out what I've done this weekend I'm dead.
"Amy" had been away for the weekend so he'd had sex with another woman at their house!
I then met a woman he'd had a few months with who told me he was still living with Amy and lying to her saying it was his house and Amy wouldn't leave. So he was cheating on them both. This was the situation that made Amy leave him.

All 3 of his girlfriends including me have Been nice hard working women. Not from the drug world. I dont know the ins and outs of his other 2 relationships and who was to blame but me and Amy have had similar. Ge overdosed after Amy threw him out then rang her..poor woman saved his life. Cleared his house up..picked him up from hospital. He met me a month later and we were in a triangle for 2 years because he had us both in his life. Not to mention dating sites and Facebook online cheating!

Seeing your message it doesn’t make it clear for someone like that and they will now try to show you they do care for a short period of time or be nasty and resort to turning up at yours. You need to be more blunt and firm or the cycle will continue and you’ll cave.

It has to be I know longer want to be with you please don’t contact me and good luck with the next stage of your life. I need to put myself first now.

One thing I’ve learnt the hard way is people who treat you bad literally can’t comprehend or care that they are doing it so they will read that and just see that you care because you are emotional over there actions. The paragraphs I would send my ex and just get hate back or one worded responses.

Don’t let him back in OP and ignore him he if turns up at yours. Seriously call 101 every time you can report online and it will help make them aware of the situation and build up evidence if he becomes scary or stalks you which many people like this then could go on to do. Not to worry you but you have to put this energy back into yourself.

Well done for making huge steps towards getting away from him.

I have found before that addicts often claim mental health crises when they want money for drugs. When they have the money, they're fine and act 'normally'.

My brother is an addict and does everything you mentioned in your posts.
Funny how MH services never help either of them despite their threats and seeming emotional turmoil. That's because they are addicts. No broken brain, no personality disorder, no depression. Just dirty, lying, drug addicts.

Do not let that man in your home as although he has never physically hurt you before, he will if he can't get what he wants by another method.