Sex after a long dry spell, with someone much older!

[LaBrasseria2024]

Hi everyone,

32 years old. Currently OLD. I had a very long period (a good chunk of my 20's) not dating/no relationship/no sex, due to chronic UTI 🥹☹️

The Last person I had sex with was the same age as me (24), I know, crazy it's been that long!

I am back dating, dating someone who is 49, and I do feel very nervous about the prospect of sex. He is very, very physically fit, great body, but I just wonder what sex with someone who is almost 50 is like?

Is it too big of an age gap? Do they need a longer recovery or is it much the same? Do all men that age suffer from ED? I have read in some reports it starts mid 40's.

Will they see me as awfully inexperienced / will that be off putting?

Any advice appreciated.

@MidnightMeltdown - he made a point of saying to me the other night that he 'doesn't feel 49' haha.

He is very fit to be fair.

Still haven't dtd as haven't seen him & just feeling very nervous!

@LaBrasseria2024

I dated someone with a similar age gap when I was close to your age. I met him in RL rather than OLD, and he was also very fit, good looking etc.

Turned out that he was also very controlling and thought he knew better than me about everything. Looking back, the age gap was just too big. It was a very unhealthy relationship dynamic.

Not saying that this is the same for everyone, but I think that these relationships are far less likely to work. The very fact the he's actively seeking out women in their early 30s, while he's almost ready for his SAGA cruise, suggests to me that he's a wrong-un.

@MidnightMeltdown - SAGA cruise 🤣🤣🤣. That made me laugh. I think he is too young for one of those though. That would be more my grannies age group!!

Did you find the sex better though with someone of that age?

Yea, I'm not sure why he is on OLD seeking younger. Perhaps he wants more kids, because surely he knows most younger women will want them?!

@LaBrasseria2024 saga cruises are for 50 year olds so you could buy one for his birthday........but your too young as travel companions have to be 40 plus😂

She's dating him, not marrying him!! I'm 65 btw and didn't start thinking about my pension and retirement at 49, and my exDH isn't thinking about them at 55 either (yes, shock, horror, I'm 10 years older than him!).

In a pub if it’s that’s really relevant. I have used online dating on and off though.

Also as I said that’s all he had going for him so it didn’t last 😆

@LaBrasseria2024

He's not too young - SAGA is for the over 50s! Point is that people who tell you that 50 is still young are deluded. The fact that they wear trendy clothes and get funky haircuts these days does not make them young. Of course 50 is young from the perspective of an 80 year old, but compared to someone who is not long out of their 20s, 50 is old. I wonder whether he would be willing to date someone who was 17 years older than him? I doubt it.

Did you find the sex better though with someone of that age?
It depends on what you mean by 'better'. He certainly knew all the moves and positions and liked a bit of variety, but he was also more selfish in bed and focused in his own pleasure. I found that men my own age may not know all the same moves, but they are more in tune with me and focused on pleasing me (i.e. they are eager to learn!). Older men think they know it all!

My Dp is ten years older ( 49) he is good in bed and fit, but doesn't have the stamina of someone ten years younger , it's starts well, but you'll quickly realise it's all a front and he likes staying home more than going out doing stuff. Doesn't have the sex drive to match yours after a while, if your looking for fun fine, but you'll soon start to see the difference further down the line.

@bluebalou - what I would say is the guy goes to bed very very early! Maybe that's a sign that he gets tired easily/would want to stay home more! 🥴🥴

@bluebalou - i know i mentioned upthread he has however made a lot of comments about my bum, so im assuming due to those comments his sex drive would be very good! The interest is there etc

Wouldn’t surprise me if he was older than he says he is. Older men looking for younger women will often take a few years off.

Yeah I have the interest, he can't keep his hands off me ... but it's not always followed through with sex and he can sleep alot also.
In the plus side he's very attentive , knows how to treat a woman and very respectful so there all lots of pluses too.

@bluebalou - this guy sleeps a lot also! I can't believe how early he goes to bed. He goes to bed earlier than my parents do!!

How early is early?

Tbh that’s not necessarily an age thing. People have different body clocks. I’m in my 50’s and rarely in bed before midnight and yet I’ve got friends who have always gone to bed at 8.30/9.

@TwistedWonder - he goes to bed just after 9pm. That's super early to me. However, he does get up at 5:45am. Such an hour doesn't exist to me lol

How many times have you actually met him in person?

This all seems a lot of navel gazing for someone you’ve not slept with yet.

It doesn’t matter if you want a long term thing or not if you never get off the starting blocks. You might have sex and it’s terrible. You might have sex and it’s great but the whole thing fizzles out after a month or two.

You can both be determined to only look for people who are interested in long term and marriage but if after a few months you find a serious incompatibility then that’s that.

But all this, why?

I'm 32 and my partners 42. However there's definitely no issues in the bedroom department. I've never had a sex life like it. We are compatible not just sexually but in other ways. We both want the same things, we have the same sense of humour, have the same values and just love to chat together xxx

I'm late 30's and I've been seeing a man in his 50's for the last few years...we get on really well outside of the bedroom which I think helps but the sex is fab.

If you get on with him there's certainly no harm seeing where it goes.

Not at all creepy! If you were 18 then maybe but absolutely not! Enjoy ☺️

@IAm16StoneHalloween2024 - I would do a lot of navel gazing no Matter who it is.

I am just very nervous after a long time out of sex/dating, and yes ifs very nerve wracking when someone is a lot older than you.

@EdibleFruit - not quite 20 years. 17 years older 😝

So how many times have you met him in person?

@IAm16StoneHalloween2024 - in person it's been like 11 dates !!

A night owl and a morning lark can be a tricky combination when you literally sleep together.