Sex after a long dry spell, with someone much older!

[LaBrasseria2024]

Hi everyone,

32 years old. Currently OLD. I had a very long period (a good chunk of my 20's) not dating/no relationship/no sex, due to chronic UTI 🥹☹️

The Last person I had sex with was the same age as me (24), I know, crazy it's been that long!

I am back dating, dating someone who is 49, and I do feel very nervous about the prospect of sex. He is very, very physically fit, great body, but I just wonder what sex with someone who is almost 50 is like?

Is it too big of an age gap? Do they need a longer recovery or is it much the same? Do all men that age suffer from ED? I have read in some reports it starts mid 40's.

Will they see me as awfully inexperienced / will that be off putting?

Any advice appreciated.

@ItsNeverAMannequin - and as I mentioned in my first post. I have been out of the dating game for a very long time. So I think going from having sex with someone your own age, to someone 27 years older than you, is quite significant .....

If he's 49 and you're 32 that's 17 years - maybe part of your issue is just arithmetic?

Anyway, Ali Wong's new Netflix show might be instructive.

@SuperLoudPoppingAction - typo- I meant 17. It says 17 year in my OP 😉

27 is a bit more of a gap.

There's 18 between DP and I. I was 30 when we met. It's been 12 years and so far, it's been excellent. I shall await waking up in 4 years and going "eeeew" but I doubt it will happen.

I'm confused.
In the first post it was a 17 year gap. Now it's 27?

@Autumnblackberries - it's 17 years lol. The 27 in another post was a typo! I'm 32, he is 49!

👍

Don't speculate OP, it's early days and you won't know until you try. Lots of men still have plenty of stamina at this age, but obviously you won't know if you're actually compatible in bed until you've actually had sex.
If you both fancy each other then only one way to find out!

Oooof - you are an ageist who claims she can't get laid and who thinks all men over 40 have ED, but I'm the dickhead for a teeny tiny typo. GOSH I FEEL SO SILLY 😂

Sorry - what was that? You made a typo? Don't worry kiddo, happens to the best of us.

The issue isn’t intimacy it’s going to be compatibility and pace. He is in fact nearly 20 years older than you, the gap widens with age. He will be thinking about his pension and retirement and you will be looking at your body clock. He is going to be too old for children and virtually everyone will think you are his dd and will immediately treat you as less than when they work out you are actually his girlfriend. You have to be prepared for the judgement. A slower pace of life and one that resembles retirement soon.

I would run a mile and choose someone younger that can offer longevity, children and a healthy enduring sex life! You are selling yourself short op.

Come on he's 49 not 79! Sex will be whatever - there's no 'change' other than they can usually hold their erection longer than, say, an eager teenager. Hopefully has learned how to treat a woman well.
Not sure about all the 'he'll show you off' 'panting to get his hands on you'. Bollocks. If he's as good looking and fit as you say he probably has been with plenty of younger women.

And ED is likely in 50s

He’s not that old! I think most men of that age are still willing and able BUT if they have any issues they probably always did.

As in if they have a low sex drive or any hang ups that was probably the same when they were younger. But if they were always up for it they probably still are.

@Savingthehedgehogs - why would they treat me as less than though? I'm not sure on having kids, due to health issues etc. so that's why I have been looking at older also

If they treat you as less than because of your age then they're judgmental pricks.

I think what hedgehogs is saying is that people might say "He saw you coming" and judge you on that
i.e an implied naivety on your part about the long term implications of such an age gap relationship.
Yes he is highly likely to be up for sex etc now at the age of 49.
However in the longer term you'd be stuck with an ageing and potentially frail pensioner when you are still in your prime.
Are you prepared to be his carer when he's old?

If it helps @LaBrasseria2024 I know multiple men in their 20s with ED. A couple in their early 30s too.

Dating a younger man isn't a guarantee he won't have issues either.

Mine is 55 and a right goer 😂

In my experience much younger women are judged harshly, I have seen it lots of times. Either as gold diggers or women with low self esteem. It’s common in my experience because you have signed up to be a carer whether that’s 10 or 20 years down the line. Most women wouldn’t really want that - I think look beyond the next few years that’s all ( I say that as someone with an age gap of 7 years and I have felt it at times)

Get some counselling re children - this might be a huge dealbreaker in 5 years or less for you. Does he have children?

@Savingthehedgehogs - he does have a daughter, but she is 18! He does have a v good job, so maybe I would be seen as a gold digger I don't know 🥴🥴.

I do fancy him though!

🤢

Wtf...