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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Domestic violence from neighbour- need help!

180 replies

Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 13:19

I’ve had an ongoing nightmare saga with an ex-convict neighbour who has been abusing his gf, mum and pretty much everyone around him for years. I have PTSD from an abusive childhood so this has been a nightmare situation for me.

Over the years I’ve been in contact with the landlord, the police, the safer neighbourhoods police team, local councillors and MPs- reported his nuisance noise to the council etc. This man seems untouchable.

The other day he was violently physically attacking his gf and they were having an extreme argument. We called police. He shouts at them the whole time, swears at them, also tells them they can’t come into his flat (they agree for some reason!) and they speak to him at an open door and speak to the gf downstairs in the communal area.

She defends him, says it’s actually us who are always fighting (lol), and for some reason officers are happy with this and leave. Keep in mind this man was in prison for a masked attack on a family that he carried out with other men. He’s had people show up with machetes outside our flat, he threatened kill his daughters bf and police came to take her away - even then he swore at them, told them not to come into his flat and they didn’t. He wasn’t arrested, wasn’t questioned.

It’s been a few days since this incident now but his door has been open for the past 3 days and a buzzing alarm going off every morning. Zero noise or movement from his flat, unsure if he’s even in there or not.

This situation has ground me down and I don’t even want to be involved now but can’t tell if we’re in danger or need to do something more. We are moving in 3 months but have nowhere to stay until then, I don’t know what to do honestly. An ambulance was here for him a few weeks ago too and he came back in a hospital gown so I’m sort of wondering if there’s been a medical event.

OP posts:
shellyleppard · 18/10/2024 13:22

Call the police and say you are concerned for his safety?? Must be horrible living next door to someone like that

Singleandproud · 18/10/2024 13:22

You ring the police for a welfare check.

Tell them Neighbours door is open, haven't seen him, had an ambulance out a few weeks ago. Is scary and you don't want to enter his flat to check on him.

Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 13:23

shellyleppard · 18/10/2024 13:22

Call the police and say you are concerned for his safety?? Must be horrible living next door to someone like that

I think I’ll have to if it goes on for a few more days- we aren’t sure if it’s his phone alarm or an alarm clock but sounds like a buzzing phone.

It’a a nightmare! It’s a converted house so he lives above us, literally like sharing a home bc the walls are so thin and his door is extremely close to ours.

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 18/10/2024 13:24

Yes to the above suggestions. I am so sorry that you have had to suffer through this and that the police and housing authorities have done nothing to protect you.

Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 13:24

pikkumyy77 · 18/10/2024 13:24

Yes to the above suggestions. I am so sorry that you have had to suffer through this and that the police and housing authorities have done nothing to protect you.

Thank you, I don’t understand why they don’t enter his flat ever. He’s always aggressive and hostile, surely him demanding they stay out would be suspicious to them

OP posts:
Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 13:25

But the other thing is I’m worried that if we do call police and nothings wrong he’ll get angry we called if he somehow finds out especially since he’s so paranoid about police being in his flat..

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 18/10/2024 13:28

You cannot leave this a few more days, he could be lying there dead. Just ring the police now and they'll prioritise it. They won't say it was you.

Bodeganights · 18/10/2024 13:29

Singleandproud · 18/10/2024 13:28

You cannot leave this a few more days, he could be lying there dead. Just ring the police now and they'll prioritise it. They won't say it was you.

If he is dead,another few days wont make any difference, he'll be just as dead on Sunday.

MrSeptember · 18/10/2024 13:30

If his girlfriend defends him, then that makes complete sense that they don't insist on entering or whatever. If she's the victim, but refuses to admit that, what are they going to do? I'm sure they're fully aware he's a bad one, but it's not in their power to drag him away if no one who was actually in the room is saying he's done something.

In the short term, I'd call police for welfare check. explain about door and previous incidents of violence/shouting etc.

FriendlyFriend · 18/10/2024 13:30

call police for a welfare check

Singleandproud · 18/10/2024 13:30

Bodeganights · 18/10/2024 13:29

If he is dead,another few days wont make any difference, he'll be just as dead on Sunday.

Ok then, he could have fallen and been injured.

If she doesn't report it today it's just going to take up brain space - getting it over and done with is surely better.

MounjaroUser · 18/10/2024 13:31

Oh you're all better people than I am. I'd be hoping something had happened to him and I'd enjoy the peace.

Bodeganights · 18/10/2024 13:33

MounjaroUser · 18/10/2024 13:31

Oh you're all better people than I am. I'd be hoping something had happened to him and I'd enjoy the peace.

By the sounds of him, id be happy he was quiet and not rocking that boat.

Bananalanacake · 18/10/2024 13:34

but what's happened to his GF and mum if they also live with him, have they moved out.

Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 13:41

MrSeptember · 18/10/2024 13:30

If his girlfriend defends him, then that makes complete sense that they don't insist on entering or whatever. If she's the victim, but refuses to admit that, what are they going to do? I'm sure they're fully aware he's a bad one, but it's not in their power to drag him away if no one who was actually in the room is saying he's done something.

In the short term, I'd call police for welfare check. explain about door and previous incidents of violence/shouting etc.

I get that to some extent but the police even said they could hear what was going on before knocking on the door so they must know she’s lying

OP posts:
Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 13:42

Bananalanacake · 18/10/2024 13:34

but what's happened to his GF and mum if they also live with him, have they moved out.

He lives alone, they only come and visit / stay over

OP posts:
Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 13:44

Bodeganights · 18/10/2024 13:29

If he is dead,another few days wont make any difference, he'll be just as dead on Sunday.

Yeah this is the thing, also he could just be gone or in hospital I have no clue. Also we’re the only two flats on the upper floor so no one else can even see his door or that it’s open. He would 100% know it’s us. I’m sure he’s got drugs and possibly weapons up there so if we call and he’s fine just away but we’ve let police into his flat I’d be really worried about repercussions.

I’m more concerned about keeping myself safe than the neighbours welfare tbh especially seeing how useless police are. But the open door is quite unnerving

OP posts:
Screamingabdabz · 18/10/2024 13:45

Can you enlist the help of your MP?

Bananalanacake · 18/10/2024 13:45

Oh I see, that makes it easier for the GF to end it when she realises how violent he is. Hope you move out safely in a few months.

MiraculousLadybug · 18/10/2024 13:48

No fuck him just drop the rope. Women are not there to look after every random shitty man in the world no matter how poorly they behave. This family has made it very clear they don't want help so just leave it unless something's on fire or flooding. You've already tried to sort this bloke out via so many routes. If you keep calling the police you'll get a reputation as a vexatious caller and it will prejudice the help you get when you need it for yourself.

shellyleppard · 18/10/2024 13:48

Op maybe they sre worried he could turn violent with them??? It happened on the ambulance series lsst night x

Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 13:51

MiraculousLadybug · 18/10/2024 13:48

No fuck him just drop the rope. Women are not there to look after every random shitty man in the world no matter how poorly they behave. This family has made it very clear they don't want help so just leave it unless something's on fire or flooding. You've already tried to sort this bloke out via so many routes. If you keep calling the police you'll get a reputation as a vexatious caller and it will prejudice the help you get when you need it for yourself.

Yeah I agree, he’s absolutely awful and if something has happened to him then he brought it upon himself. Just worried about our security with his open door and not being sure who has access to our building or who he’s given main door keys to.

OP posts:
Ebeneser · 18/10/2024 13:58

Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 13:51

Yeah I agree, he’s absolutely awful and if something has happened to him then he brought it upon himself. Just worried about our security with his open door and not being sure who has access to our building or who he’s given main door keys to.

Have you got a ring doorbell / spy hole or similar? That should alert you to any unsavoury characters lurking about without you having to open the door.
I presume that the post goes to a mailbox/tray in a communal area rather than through the door? As eventually the Postie would surely raise concerns and save you the trouble otherwise?

Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 14:00

Ebeneser · 18/10/2024 13:58

Have you got a ring doorbell / spy hole or similar? That should alert you to any unsavoury characters lurking about without you having to open the door.
I presume that the post goes to a mailbox/tray in a communal area rather than through the door? As eventually the Postie would surely raise concerns and save you the trouble otherwise?

We’re not allowed to have any cameras in” communal”areas unfortunately so no don’t have any of those and all post goes through the letterbox downstairs at the main door or they just ring whichever flat it’s for. The neighbour has stolen my mail on many occasions.

It’s an old Victorian house that’s not modern at all and it’s social housing so the landlord doesn’t care about our safety at all- we’ve had a nightmare trying to report his anti-social behaviour with them as well. Only thing we have is a peephole to look out our own front door.

OP posts:
Ivegotaboneinmyleg · 18/10/2024 14:01

It is rather strange that his door is open - especially being as he is adamant that people can't enter his flat...
If he is in hospital I would imagine someone will come and pick up supplies soon - clean PJs or whatever?
I think that I would call the police and ask for a welfare check myself, but that is me and I understand why you would be anxious about doing that. Could you maybe open your door and call out ? Like, see if there is any response? 😯