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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Domestic violence from neighbour- need help!

180 replies

Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 13:19

I’ve had an ongoing nightmare saga with an ex-convict neighbour who has been abusing his gf, mum and pretty much everyone around him for years. I have PTSD from an abusive childhood so this has been a nightmare situation for me.

Over the years I’ve been in contact with the landlord, the police, the safer neighbourhoods police team, local councillors and MPs- reported his nuisance noise to the council etc. This man seems untouchable.

The other day he was violently physically attacking his gf and they were having an extreme argument. We called police. He shouts at them the whole time, swears at them, also tells them they can’t come into his flat (they agree for some reason!) and they speak to him at an open door and speak to the gf downstairs in the communal area.

She defends him, says it’s actually us who are always fighting (lol), and for some reason officers are happy with this and leave. Keep in mind this man was in prison for a masked attack on a family that he carried out with other men. He’s had people show up with machetes outside our flat, he threatened kill his daughters bf and police came to take her away - even then he swore at them, told them not to come into his flat and they didn’t. He wasn’t arrested, wasn’t questioned.

It’s been a few days since this incident now but his door has been open for the past 3 days and a buzzing alarm going off every morning. Zero noise or movement from his flat, unsure if he’s even in there or not.

This situation has ground me down and I don’t even want to be involved now but can’t tell if we’re in danger or need to do something more. We are moving in 3 months but have nowhere to stay until then, I don’t know what to do honestly. An ambulance was here for him a few weeks ago too and he came back in a hospital gown so I’m sort of wondering if there’s been a medical event.

OP posts:
tattygrl · 18/10/2024 15:34

Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 15:33

Me and my partner both work from home, there was definitely no violent interaction and I have trouble sleeping due to the neighbour stress and ptsd so am usually awake in the night anyway. Tbh I’m hesitant to get anymore involved unless we smell something or it goes on a certain length of time bc he’s erratic and bizarre, he could be up to anything.

I do understand. What a difficult situation. It must feel intimidating sometimes, being up at the top of the building with the only other flat up there being his. It's very worrying thinking someone could be in there.

Lifeomars · 18/10/2024 15:35

I am so sorry that this is happening to you, our homes should be where we feel safe and can relax. I have horrible neighbours though their behaviour pales into nothing compared to yours and I too have found the police and the council to be worse than useless. I hope that when you have moved away that you find peace.

Hakunatomato · 18/10/2024 15:36

OP is determined that will not reporting it until Monday. Anyone suggesting otherwise is just wasting their breath…..

Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 15:36

tattygrl · 18/10/2024 15:34

I do understand. What a difficult situation. It must feel intimidating sometimes, being up at the top of the building with the only other flat up there being his. It's very worrying thinking someone could be in there.

My fear is that we call police for a welfare check and he comes back in the middle of it like “wtf are you doing letting police in my flat?”. But yes I hope his gf is okay wherever she is..

OP posts:
Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 15:36

Lifeomars · 18/10/2024 15:35

I am so sorry that this is happening to you, our homes should be where we feel safe and can relax. I have horrible neighbours though their behaviour pales into nothing compared to yours and I too have found the police and the council to be worse than useless. I hope that when you have moved away that you find peace.

Thank you, I can’t wait to be away from it all

OP posts:
NotSoHotMess24 · 18/10/2024 15:38

Are you moving soon BECAUSE of this horrible man? It would be bloody typical if he died three months before you were due to leave! Either way OP, hope you never have to see or hear from him even again, wherever he is. Just do whatever best / easiest for you re the buzzing alarm / open door x

RubyMentor · 18/10/2024 15:40

Report to the police for a welfare check.

Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 15:41

NotSoHotMess24 · 18/10/2024 15:38

Are you moving soon BECAUSE of this horrible man? It would be bloody typical if he died three months before you were due to leave! Either way OP, hope you never have to see or hear from him even again, wherever he is. Just do whatever best / easiest for you re the buzzing alarm / open door x

Thank you! And yes we’re being forced to move because of him, it would be typical if he died right before we left! Luckily the new place is nicer anyway x

OP posts:
BettyBardMacDonald · 18/10/2024 15:43

What a nightmare. I hope you get some resolution soon. He needs to be incarcerated somewhere. Maybe he is.

hildabaker · 18/10/2024 15:50

As someone who has experienced similar, you have my heartfelt sympathy. A vile neighbour ruins your life. I am so glad that you've arranged to move.

I agree with others who say do nothing and with a bit of luck he's lying there dead.

DancingLions · 18/10/2024 15:53

If his doors wide open I would just run in and check myself. It would take 1 minute. It's not going to be a big flat if he lives alone and you're on the same floor in a conversion, guess a 1 bedroom? You'd hear him climbing the stairs if he came home at that precise moment (unlikely). I live in a Victorian conversion myself so I know you can easily hear someone coming in downstairs.

Then if there's no one there just shut the door. It doesn't need to be a big drama.

Savingthehedgehogs · 18/10/2024 15:54

I would prioritise your own safety op. Count down to when you can leave.

Richard1985 · 18/10/2024 15:56

If the door's open can't you or your partner just go in?

Shout loudly that the door was left wide open and you're worried about him

This avoids the police being involved unnecessarily and shows you to be a friendly, concerned neighbour if he is in there

Savingthehedgehogs · 18/10/2024 15:56

If you decide to check yourself, take some chocolates and say you noticed he had been in hospital. That way you have an excuse to knock and check.

Savingthehedgehogs · 18/10/2024 15:56

Or a parcel for him.

Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 15:58

Richard1985 · 18/10/2024 15:56

If the door's open can't you or your partner just go in?

Shout loudly that the door was left wide open and you're worried about him

This avoids the police being involved unnecessarily and shows you to be a friendly, concerned neighbour if he is in there

We could but he’s aggressive and has threatened to beat up my partner in the past. And if he is laying up there dead neither of us wanna see that tbh. We’ve both agreed to contact landlord and / or police if it goes on a few more days.

OP posts:
Nchanged89 · 18/10/2024 15:59

Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 15:58

We could but he’s aggressive and has threatened to beat up my partner in the past. And if he is laying up there dead neither of us wanna see that tbh. We’ve both agreed to contact landlord and / or police if it goes on a few more days.

Edited

Why won't you ring the police for a welfare check then? Let them deal with it.

hildabaker · 18/10/2024 16:00

Presumably his partner or mother is going to turn up sooner or later. Their behaviour will give you a clue. If you hear lots of screaming and thumping, you can assume they've found the body. I know I sound callous but after years of Mr drug dealing vileness who lived next door to me, one's capacity for sympathy runs a little thin.

WiddlinDiddlin · 18/10/2024 16:00

Bloody hell just ring the police for a welfare check and say 'if he is in there or turns up, say the landlord called please as we don't want any aggro off him'...

Then if he is ok and asks you 'sorry mate dunno'...

Richard1985 · 18/10/2024 16:01

Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 15:58

We could but he’s aggressive and has threatened to beat up my partner in the past. And if he is laying up there dead neither of us wanna see that tbh. We’ve both agreed to contact landlord and / or police if it goes on a few more days.

Edited

That's fair enough I suppose although I do wonder how you're going to respond if someone asks you why you ignored his door being wide open for a week while he was up there seriously injured and needing help

user1471538283 · 18/10/2024 16:02

As a poster said up thread drop the rope. You've tried with him and he's run you out of your home. As long as you have a secure door I would leave it alone.

Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 16:04

Richard1985 · 18/10/2024 16:01

That's fair enough I suppose although I do wonder how you're going to respond if someone asks you why you ignored his door being wide open for a week while he was up there seriously injured and needing help

Well because he’s violent and dangerous and we don’t want to be involved. He’s also erratic and does weird things all the time, he could be back in prison we have no idea if it’s a medical thing or not.

OP posts:
Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 16:05

user1471538283 · 18/10/2024 16:02

As a poster said up thread drop the rope. You've tried with him and he's run you out of your home. As long as you have a secure door I would leave it alone.

Yes I agree at this point and he could be anywhere doing anything, I’m not going to assume he’s dead or it’s a medical issue until we know for sure. I mainly made this thread to see if other had had similar and to get tips on how to secure my safety not on how to safeguard my neighbour

OP posts:
hildabaker · 18/10/2024 16:07

Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 16:05

Yes I agree at this point and he could be anywhere doing anything, I’m not going to assume he’s dead or it’s a medical issue until we know for sure. I mainly made this thread to see if other had had similar and to get tips on how to secure my safety not on how to safeguard my neighbour

Edited

Yes, I remember my hopes being raised when my revolting neighbour was led away in handcuffs by the police, or when he disappeared for weeks. Trouble is, he was like a bloody bad penny, always turning up again. One can but hope, OP.

Theunamedcat · 18/10/2024 16:12

I would contact the landlord tell them the property is unsecured they will probably tell you to close the door yourself though

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