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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Domestic violence from neighbour- need help!

180 replies

Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 13:19

I’ve had an ongoing nightmare saga with an ex-convict neighbour who has been abusing his gf, mum and pretty much everyone around him for years. I have PTSD from an abusive childhood so this has been a nightmare situation for me.

Over the years I’ve been in contact with the landlord, the police, the safer neighbourhoods police team, local councillors and MPs- reported his nuisance noise to the council etc. This man seems untouchable.

The other day he was violently physically attacking his gf and they were having an extreme argument. We called police. He shouts at them the whole time, swears at them, also tells them they can’t come into his flat (they agree for some reason!) and they speak to him at an open door and speak to the gf downstairs in the communal area.

She defends him, says it’s actually us who are always fighting (lol), and for some reason officers are happy with this and leave. Keep in mind this man was in prison for a masked attack on a family that he carried out with other men. He’s had people show up with machetes outside our flat, he threatened kill his daughters bf and police came to take her away - even then he swore at them, told them not to come into his flat and they didn’t. He wasn’t arrested, wasn’t questioned.

It’s been a few days since this incident now but his door has been open for the past 3 days and a buzzing alarm going off every morning. Zero noise or movement from his flat, unsure if he’s even in there or not.

This situation has ground me down and I don’t even want to be involved now but can’t tell if we’re in danger or need to do something more. We are moving in 3 months but have nowhere to stay until then, I don’t know what to do honestly. An ambulance was here for him a few weeks ago too and he came back in a hospital gown so I’m sort of wondering if there’s been a medical event.

OP posts:
Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 14:03

Ivegotaboneinmyleg · 18/10/2024 14:01

It is rather strange that his door is open - especially being as he is adamant that people can't enter his flat...
If he is in hospital I would imagine someone will come and pick up supplies soon - clean PJs or whatever?
I think that I would call the police and ask for a welfare check myself, but that is me and I understand why you would be anxious about doing that. Could you maybe open your door and call out ? Like, see if there is any response? 😯

Yeah and he’s very paranoid in general. Often if we run into him in the hall he’ll be freaked out and say something like “I thought you were here to take my life!”. So can’t imagine he’d live his door open like that for days knowingly.

The walls are super thin though we can hear him walking around when he’s up there and talking, turning on the taps etc. There’s been no movement or noise at all apart from the alarm

OP posts:
tattygrl · 18/10/2024 14:07

Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 14:03

Yeah and he’s very paranoid in general. Often if we run into him in the hall he’ll be freaked out and say something like “I thought you were here to take my life!”. So can’t imagine he’d live his door open like that for days knowingly.

The walls are super thin though we can hear him walking around when he’s up there and talking, turning on the taps etc. There’s been no movement or noise at all apart from the alarm

This would majorly freak me out and I wouldn't be able to settle. Could you ask the police to check but explicitly tell them not to mention you and come up with another reason for being there, due to you being worried for your safety?

Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 14:09

tattygrl · 18/10/2024 14:07

This would majorly freak me out and I wouldn't be able to settle. Could you ask the police to check but explicitly tell them not to mention you and come up with another reason for being there, due to you being worried for your safety?

I guess I’m used to it now, he has a lot of enemies which doesn’t surprise me. And yeah I’m going to have to come up with something if it carries on for over a week. Might just contact the landlord and say his door is wide open and he’s nowhere to be seen.

OP posts:
mumda · 18/10/2024 14:12

Police welfare check. Explain in brief you don't want him to know that it was you and they will do their best.

tattygrl · 18/10/2024 14:13

Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 14:09

I guess I’m used to it now, he has a lot of enemies which doesn’t surprise me. And yeah I’m going to have to come up with something if it carries on for over a week. Might just contact the landlord and say his door is wide open and he’s nowhere to be seen.

This might actually get the landlord's attention more than the violence: his property is unsecured. How long are you going to wait? I would be really unsettled living next to his flat like that, and hearing the alarm going off every morning and nothing else. I get that you're a bit kind of desensitised to the whole thing by now, though.

frecklejuice · 18/10/2024 14:17

I wouldn't call anyone and quietly hope he's dead, horrible bastard.

Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 14:18

tattygrl · 18/10/2024 14:13

This might actually get the landlord's attention more than the violence: his property is unsecured. How long are you going to wait? I would be really unsettled living next to his flat like that, and hearing the alarm going off every morning and nothing else. I get that you're a bit kind of desensitised to the whole thing by now, though.

I am pretty unsettled tbh but worried about possible repercussions more than anything. It’s been about 3 days so if it’s still open on Monday I’ll contact the landlord but they’re a housing association so who knows how fast they’ll act or if they’ll even care. They didn’t seem to care at all when I told them he was threatening to kill a teenage boy outside our flat in the communal area!

OP posts:
JaneAustensCat · 18/10/2024 14:18

Is the alarm noise buzzing annoying you? Does it stop after a while?
If it's going constantly and was keeping me awake I'd probably do the welfare check. But if it's only mildly irritating then given the circumstances I'd wait a bit longer and if the door is still open, no sign of him etc, let the landlord know next week.

They could give any excuse as to why they visited and found the door open, e.g. some urgent repairs, checking if there was a leak from the roof, so that it doesn't mention you.

That's assuming he's in/locatable. Of course if he's met an untimely end, that's no longer your problem.

Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 14:18

frecklejuice · 18/10/2024 14:17

I wouldn't call anyone and quietly hope he's dead, horrible bastard.

Honestly it would be a huge relief

OP posts:
Ivegotaboneinmyleg · 18/10/2024 14:19

Over a week? 😮
Please tell me that you will call the police if a horrible smell starts to come from that flat!

Saying "I thought you were here to take my life" is very unnerving coupled with that open door...It's giving me ominous thoughts that these people who were "after him to take his life" may have actually found him...😳A more logical reason is that he may have had to leave in a rush to hospital or similar and didn't pull the door properly?

Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 14:19

JaneAustensCat · 18/10/2024 14:18

Is the alarm noise buzzing annoying you? Does it stop after a while?
If it's going constantly and was keeping me awake I'd probably do the welfare check. But if it's only mildly irritating then given the circumstances I'd wait a bit longer and if the door is still open, no sign of him etc, let the landlord know next week.

They could give any excuse as to why they visited and found the door open, e.g. some urgent repairs, checking if there was a leak from the roof, so that it doesn't mention you.

That's assuming he's in/locatable. Of course if he's met an untimely end, that's no longer your problem.

It’s goes off around 7 every morning but and then stops for a bit and goes again but it does stop after about 15 mins. Yes I think that’s going to be my plan moving forward. Praying he never comes back!

OP posts:
Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 14:21

Ivegotaboneinmyleg · 18/10/2024 14:19

Over a week? 😮
Please tell me that you will call the police if a horrible smell starts to come from that flat!

Saying "I thought you were here to take my life" is very unnerving coupled with that open door...It's giving me ominous thoughts that these people who were "after him to take his life" may have actually found him...😳A more logical reason is that he may have had to leave in a rush to hospital or similar and didn't pull the door properly?

Yeah if there’s a smell we will. But who knows honestly he’s so insane and chaotic he could be back in prison, in hospital, he could’ve abandoned the flat- there’s so many possibilities.

The other thing is the door is intentionally jammed open. He only does that if he’s carrying stuff from his flat outside or vice versa and coming back in quickly, so it’s very odd.

OP posts:
Terrribletwos · 18/10/2024 14:22

Sorry@Queenofheaven i would be so nosy I would have to investigate, possibly with a male in tow.

MounjaroUser · 18/10/2024 14:23

I wouldn't do anything at all, OP.

How open is his door?

If he went into it then he would've shut the door behind him, especially if he's paranoid. If someone broke in, I'm sure you'd see that.

MounjaroUser · 18/10/2024 14:25

Oh OK, so it's jammed open?

Does anyone know whether she can call the courts to see whether he's been up on any charge lately? Surely he wouldn't turn up at court leaving his front door open, though.

Attelina · 18/10/2024 14:26

Call the police and state the facts. The door is open and there is an alarm of some kind going off.

Say you don't want to knock as the man is aggressive and violent.

Why make a big drama out of it?

tattygrl · 18/10/2024 14:26

Is it jammed wide open? I'm so intrigued now, my nosy side is coming out!

MounjaroUser · 18/10/2024 14:26

If he's in his flat, he wouldn't have the door open. If he was hurt you'd have heard him yelling.

MounjaroUser · 18/10/2024 14:27

Why would his alarm be going off at 7 am? Don't say he has a job!

Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 14:28

tattygrl · 18/10/2024 14:26

Is it jammed wide open? I'm so intrigued now, my nosy side is coming out!

Yeah its almost fully open! It’s really bizarre. He did seem to have some serious medical event a few weeks ago and go to hospital so I’m wondering if he just died up there and that’s why the doors still open bc he may have been planning to go back out? That or something may have happened while he was out. It’s all so bizarre and the timing of it after the domestic violence is suspicious too..

OP posts:
Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 14:29

MounjaroUser · 18/10/2024 14:27

Why would his alarm be going off at 7 am? Don't say he has a job!

He does actually, he usually has a new one every few months

OP posts:
tattygrl · 18/10/2024 14:32

Queenofheaven · 18/10/2024 14:28

Yeah its almost fully open! It’s really bizarre. He did seem to have some serious medical event a few weeks ago and go to hospital so I’m wondering if he just died up there and that’s why the doors still open bc he may have been planning to go back out? That or something may have happened while he was out. It’s all so bizarre and the timing of it after the domestic violence is suspicious too..

Wow! That's seriously strange. It's almost certain something unexpected has happened for his door to be left like that, especially as he's such a paranoid person. Please do update us!

yeaitsmeagain · 18/10/2024 14:33

MounjaroUser · 18/10/2024 14:23

I wouldn't do anything at all, OP.

How open is his door?

If he went into it then he would've shut the door behind him, especially if he's paranoid. If someone broke in, I'm sure you'd see that.

You wouldn't do anything at all? Good thing there are other people who don't think that way.

MounjaroUser · 18/10/2024 14:38

Well, I wouldn't go into his flat, that's for sure. The OP has said she's terrified of him and terrified he'll be furious if he knows she's reported his flat is empty. You reap what you sow, unfortunately.

MounjaroUser · 18/10/2024 14:39

If paramedics had taken him, they would have shut the door afterwards.