Dating guy whose "wife was shot dead"

[Beautifulbouquet]

For a month I've been casually seeing someone.

He is quite hard work in general.

This weekend he told me that his wife was shot and killed in Afghanistan where she was a marine.

Having looked this up...this seems impossible. A tiny number of British female soldiers were killed in Afghanistan and all deaths are documented on the government website and seem widely reported in the media.

It seems this is a very bizarre lie.

Or I'm losing my sanity.

Thank you. Yes. He lives very close (walking distance).

I need to calm myself down and think and act clearly.

I also want a large glass of wine.

I want to get put of this situation but it might take a day or two how to do it in the best way.

My friends know. They must think I'm.so stupid.

As a PP says, he's a billy bullshitter for whatever reason. Female marines were only admitted for training from 2018. A US female marine sadly died in Afghanistan, but I highly doubt that makes his story any more true. Don't engage. Just give a neutral 'it's been lovely getting to know you but I'm not sure I see this leading to a long term relationship' spiel and block.

Ring 101 and ask for a disclosure under Clare's Law. I suspect you are seeing the tip of the iceberg and that he's not revealed his true nature and intentions.

You're not stupid. You wouldn't assume someone was such an extreme liar so you accept and make allowances for the first few incongruences

@Beautifulbouquet Can you say you are getting back with an ex?

I did once do this when a very cheeky person wanted to move into my house with her child for FREE.

I said ''no can't do that, I'm getting back with my ex husband''.

I never had to deal with her again.

Perhaps she was American?

You’re not stupid you just don’t lie yourself and fairly assume that others are truthful.

Just quietly and politely finish with him. If he does get nasty then go to family for a while and inform the police.

If his wife died in service he'd have her pension... unless he hates to benefit from her death, too...

Can you talk us through your answer?

As Afghanistan is a landlocked country, it seems highly unlikely! He sounds dim as well as dishonest!

In previous posts she is british

Your friends won't think you are stupid. People get taken in all the time. They will be concerned for you and want to back you up. Please tell your friends what's going on, and get their RL support.

Agree with the suggestions of getting a Clare’s Law disclosure.

What a scary situation. I hope he fades away into the background.

I think you need to say that you aren't in a good place to be in a relationship right now and that he needs to find someone who will be a good partner for him.

And then just grey rock the shit out of it. Don't apologise, don't explain. Repeat your phrase.

Yes, probably a good idea to do a Clare's Law request, as suggested.

Sometimes people pretend they have been in the forces. People who have been have a word or phrase for them but I can't remember what it is. Probably rude words. I used to randomly meet a bloke when I was walking my dog who kept describing his SAS career and his secret missions. Unfortunately for him my husband is ex forces.
I would steer clear tbh, he sounds a bit creepy. I googled UK women marines and it said no women had passed out as marines between 2019 and 2022 so it's unlikely she was a marine but could have been something else I guess. But still just let him go.

I know someone like this. Says she’s the next in line in a famous crime family but turned it down. Graduated from a top university with a master’s degree but works as a waitress. Etc etc. The man she’s engaged to believes her. You’re not alone in these sorts of situations and at least you caught on early.

They won't think you are stupid.

There are lots of fantasist men out there.

You could well do a Claire's Law.

Just don't dent his stupid pride by calling out his monstrous lies.

Get good locks on your door.

Request information under Clare's Law: Make a Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme (DVDS) application | Metropolitan Police

Also just check there was 1 female us marine killed in 2021 her husband was a Sgt and American so unlikely him

You aren't stupid. They don't come out with this bollocks right away, they let you think they are a decent human being and behave totally normally at first. Then they gradually start feeding in the stories which, if you seem to swallow it, get more and more ridiculous until you reach the point where you think 'that HAS to be a lie'. You sound as though you've sussed your bloke pretty quickly, so good for you.

Agreed. Most of my friends would be concerned for me and would hope I ended it. They would not think I or they if they were in this position were stupid.

We’ve got dating history between us as friends which we all know about (or most of it anyway), but that’s what it is, history. Most friends want good things, including relationships, for their other friends.

I think they are called ''Walter Mitties'' [?] but as a Civilian I'm not too sure.

I have seen them challenged at Remembrance Day Ceremonies where they let themselves down by wearing kit bought from Ebay.

A Mitty!

Gosh, yes be careful. My bil was attached to the marines and its really low to make up this kind of lie considering the people who was there and what they witnessed. Good luck. Be careful

He now thinks he can control you (I'm concerned that maybe he can) because he gave you a ridiculous ultimatum and you did exactly what he wanted.

For your own safety let him block you forever, like he offered. Do not get sucked in!!!!