Dating guy whose "wife was shot dead"

[Beautifulbouquet]

For a month I've been casually seeing someone.

He is quite hard work in general.

This weekend he told me that his wife was shot and killed in Afghanistan where she was a marine.

Having looked this up...this seems impossible. A tiny number of British female soldiers were killed in Afghanistan and all deaths are documented on the government website and seem widely reported in the media.

It seems this is a very bizarre lie.

Or I'm losing my sanity.

Run. Make up an excuse that doesn't harm his ego and never see him again

Just pulloff the plaster and end it. Tell him you don’t want to see him again and block his number, it’s been a month fgs you owe him nothing.

He won’t do anything and if he does you call the police. Get a ring doorbell if it makes you feel safer, but do not under any circumstances waste one more second on this weirdo. I don’t know how old you are but I’m probably older and wiser and honestly - been there, done that (as other women on here have too) - and if I’d listened to my gut and got out at the first inkling that he was lying/lovebombing me I could’ve saved a lot of heartache.

Its just one month @Beautifulbouquet
I would tell him (or even send him a text), telling him you don't feel its working for you and then block.

You don't need to find excuses. You don't need to tell him. He is just 'hard work' (and you don't even need to tellhim that!)

Yes, clearly it’s the OP’s fault for not believing the lying man enough.

Does he know where you live?
He sounds dangerous.

I’m not kidding but use his tactics against him. Tell him you’ve been sent overseas by your work and you love him but sadly it won’t work out. It’s not him it’s you. Guys like this do not handle rejection.

Yes lol!

It is baffling and a bit scary.

To others I'm not in a relationship with him. We've had four dates in a month. The wife story was fed to me like this

Date 1 told me he'd been married before
Date 2 didn't come up
Date 3 told me he got married at 16 and that his wife had died
Date 4 told me she'd been shot eight times whilst on tour of duty in Afghanistan and that they had both been marines

Quite an escalation!!!

Neither was the question should I keep seeing him more trying to process what on earth was the point in this!

As ex forces I hate that people make up things about the forces in general, your first comment about him being hard work in general after a month would be enough for me to bin this one.

My next point female soldiers were not allowed to try to earn the green beret until 2018, if she had been a marine you would have certainly have heard about her when she was alive had she existed.
However, no female soldiers have yet passed marine commando training.
He needs to work out why he needs to make up totally out there stories to new potential partners after you have binned him of course . Xx

This is what I'm thinking. Just some excuse that makes it all my fault and no hard feelings. 8 cannot imagine confronting him would go well.

His wife was a marine, in Afghanistan. Yeah ok then. Even if it were fucking true there would be more red flags blowing in the wind than in a chairman Mao appreciation rally.
Please just get rid!

You are right.
Every Death in Afghanistan has been widely reported in press.

That’s how I found out the story of the young name memorialised on the bench I was sitting on.

His Mum and wife and child put flowers there - 🙏

They 100% wouldn’t ring him to tell him this. My dad died suddenly abroad, he was a civilian and they still sent police officers round to tell my mother

He needs to work out why he needs to make up totally out there stories to new potential partners after you have binned him of course

People who tell lies of this magnitude are never going to sit down and work out why they do it. It’s pathological- they’re mentally disturbed or have personality disorders.

Just get out - it doesn’t matter how. He’s a nutter.

At this stage it should be fun and laid back, if he’s hard work already then it won’t get better. Before you even get to the emotional stories / lies

He sounds dangerous.
I would be very clear that I didn’t want to pursue it any further and block him asap so that he cannot argue against it.

This. My brother was a submariner. I'm disgusted he would do this. As you say he has in his lies shown huge lack of knowledge...not a credible lie at all.

Honestly there's mixed up there's bad news and then there is insane...he seems insane.

What will the next lie be?
That he was in SAS?

That’s a Walter Mitty fave amongst some men , too.

He does. And he lives very close by.

I think I'm going to try and end this by text tonight without saying why. I'd appreciate any handholding. Not because I'm in two minds but I don't want this to escalate in any sense.

I've been incredibly incredibly stupid.

"quite hard work" after a month? those early months of dating should be about fun, getting to know each other and finding out what you have in common. Most people are usually presenting their best self at this stage so if he is already "quite hard work" I dread to think what he will be like if you let this relationship develop. For what it's worth, I do not believe his wife was shot dead, doubt he even had a wife but I am naturally suspicious given the dramatic nature of what he has disclosed

Tell him you are a sleeper agent for the security services and you've been called up to go undercover 🥸 If you tell him any more you'd have to kill him. Then kill block him.

Seriously though, in your shoes I'd feel very disturbed by this behaviour. It's unhinged.

Edited to add

Don't be hard on yourself. There are some strange people out there and, as they don't wear signs, they can initially appear quite normal.

How did you not laugh in his face when he told you that on the fourth date?! You're a better woman than me!

You would be amazed at how many egg banjos(Fried Egg sandwiches)I cooked on the balcony lmao 🤣

Just say something like you are ever so sorry, but you don't feel ready for a relationship with someone right now, and you don't want to mess him around so you thought it only fair to say so, and all the best, etc.

Exactly this.