Dating guy whose "wife was shot dead"

[Beautifulbouquet]

For a month I've been casually seeing someone.

He is quite hard work in general.

This weekend he told me that his wife was shot and killed in Afghanistan where she was a marine.

Having looked this up...this seems impossible. A tiny number of British female soldiers were killed in Afghanistan and all deaths are documented on the government website and seem widely reported in the media.

It seems this is a very bizarre lie.

Or I'm losing my sanity.

OP you're clearly not stupid. You need to find a way out of this dangerous situation; what can you do? Could you stay with a friend or family for a while, or get someone to stay with you, and tell him by phone that it's over because you don't feel the same about him any more? Which is true. I wouldn't get into any elaborate excuses which might hook him in further. If you start to feel in any danger from him, call the police; but if he's a con man he'll probably just disappear.

You've taken serious risks here in continuing to talk to this guy. He's pathological. Run for your life

It's possible he's given you a fake name.
Does he own his flat or rent it?
You can look up the owner's details by getting the title register for £3 from the Land Registry: https://www.gov.uk/search-property-information-land-registry
Also, if you can get his car reg just in case you need to report him (it's more likely to be registered in his real name....)
Some men (and it is only some men) are devious and dangerous, so hopefully he takes the news well and quietly disappears.
Please make sure someone in real life knows all the details and I wouldn't recommend seeing him again at all.

Nope, the billy bullshitters are everywhere, I remember many moons ago when I was on the dating scene the amount of men who said they were in the SAS was ridiculous, I did call them out on it though because for a start even family members don't know their husbands/brothers are in the SAS, absolute bollocks they talked, and the idiots thought I was dopey enough to believe their bullshit.

Even before he started inventing dead wife. married at 16 - was he living in Scotland ?

as the legal age in England is 18...

This.

'Hey crazy man, I know it's only been a few dates but I just wanted to let you know that I'm really not ready for a relationship and I want to concentrate on myself/work/whatever. All the best.'

Don't worry about 'feeling stupid' - you're just honest & he's nowhere near.
In your shoes I'd do a Claire's law request. If that's worrying I'd inform the Police before I sent a 'it's not you it's me letter/text (make up an ill relative, work problem, personal issue - all 3...) DONT go around there/ answer your door to him. Tell others your concerns.
Not trying to scare you but he's clearly got loose connections in his head.

I missed that.

While I don’t believe him for a second, multiple Royal Marines have been killed in Afghanistan (none female). The country being landlocked is irrelevant.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7616301.stm

He's just a little muppet with no prospects who lives in a bed sit and probably sits at home having a pot noodle and a wank whilst texting women telling them he's an ex marine. Don't be intimidated by him or feel that you have to placate him or let him down gently. If he starts harassing you, call the police.

I would probably tell him that I'm done because he's a sad little Walter Mitty and not to contact me again. That, or tell him that I'm actually an assassin and too busy with contracts to fulfil to carry on seeing him.

You aren't stupid because people don't expect someone to make up such ridiculous things, however I think if you are going to continue dating, you really should take some time to be safer.

Don't give someone you barely know your address, don't give in to ridiculous ultimatums (especially by going to their home alone) and take things a bit slower until you know someone far better.

It is a strange world with some very odd people who can have an appearance of normal at first, so it's always best to act cautiously with people.

I would recommend the same now. A claires law request wouldn't hurt, nor would telling a couple people close to you the truth and also logging this info with the police. You don't need to do more than ask for it to be logged, just in case you get more issues.

Hopefully this guy is just a loner wanting to make up stories but it's worth putting a report in place should he be more concerning.

Yes, this bullshit. Move on.

OP, make a Clare’s Law request to police asap. Better to know what you’re dealing with, and if he has got any history they will hopefully be able to help you end it safely. He might just be a benign nutter, but better safe than sorry.

He is quite hard work in general.
There’s your first reason to bin him.
He sounds like a Mitty. I dated a man who turned out to be a Mitty many years ago. After I dumped him I found out one thing he’d told me was actually true. I was gobsmacked. Everything else was wall to wall lies.

Yes. If I'd let him block me id be in a better situation.

My friends know. They must think I'm.so stupid.

Im sure they don’t; it’s only been 4 dates over 4 weeks. If someone seems sincere while lying through their teeth, it’s hard to judge it at the time. You’ve now gone away and realised it’s all nonsense.

Just break off with one of the excuses previous poster have suggested. A Claire’s Law enquiry would also be a good idea.

That's very recent - you could marry at 16 with your parents' permission until last year.

He sounds like Nessa from Gavin and Stacey!

Order yourself a doorbell camera on amazon prime to be delivered tomorrow.

Tell him that you've changed your mind and you're not ready to be in a relationship at all.

Block him.

Log it with the police in case he decides to escalate.

Screenshot all of his lies and email them to yourself and to a friend for safekeeping, along with a photo of him and his home address, so your friend has this info.

You can get married at 16 in England.

It's now 18.

On the Afghan wiki page I can only find 2 female British soldiers who were killed in action and neither were Marines (Intelligence Corps/Logistics Corps)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/British_Forces_casualties_in_Afghanistan_since_2001

The man is clearly a fantasist who uses his "trauma" as a way of manipulating women to date him

@Beautifulbouquet

Other ops are dismissing this as a joke and that's shameful.

Take this seriously and report to the police, at least to get it logged.

married at 16 in England - very unusual and he really does not sound the type to have had parents' permission

so I would have been questioning that the minute it was told to me

generally if it sounds like bullshit, it is bullshit