New 'partner' has herpes

[FairgroundAttractionPerfect]

I've just started (as in v v early days) seeing and chatting to a really great guy and it's already been getting a little steamy and flirty. Then at the weekend he said he wanted to be really honest and upfront before we continue down that road... an ex-girlfriend 20+ years ago cheated on him and left him with herpes. He's lived with it ever since and has had relationships, and has never passed anything on. Now... I have no reason to believe or not believe how it came about, and the effect it's had on his relationships since... and I'm happy and grateful he has told me so early on. He's been brilliant at giving me space, and time to think if I want to walk / run away, or if we want to tentatively move forward and see how things develop.

I don't know what to think tbh. The immediate thought is no - stay well clear. But so far he is such a nice guy- we get on so well, we're very similar, it's easy, make each other laugh, can be ourselves... literally all the boxes are being ticked. But I bloody fancy him like mad, I have a very high sex drive and I literally don't know what sex would look like.

I've done a google and found what the more medical websites say, but wondered if anyone had any real life experience or thoughts they'd share... how have you navigated it safely... can it be done? Or is the risk just too high?

(btw - use of 'partner' in the title because obviously he cannot be considered a partner in the truest sense yet as we've only just started seeing each other - 'potential love interest' seemed too wordy for a title 😂)

Again, I was generalising. Just as i expect, you, being a nurse as you claim, generalise if a patient came to you scared to death about having contracted HSV. I can't imagine you, or any health care professional for that matter going into scientific detail about the two strains of the same fucking virus.

Yes, HSV1 can appear in the genitals, but the most part, it is still mainly HSV2. You would need a swab, or Western-blot to confirm as i've already pointed out.

I don't buy your rationale at all and here is why :

1 - It's in the genitals for a start. Sores in the genitals are likely to be more painful and uncomfortable than a cold sore on your mouth.

The initial outbreak may be painful, but after that your outbreaks can be very minor. In fact, you may never get another outbreak again, and many people don't even know they carry the virus on their genitals. Outbreaks on your lips/face etc can also be extremely painful. Plus, not to mention ugly and nasty to look at. I would rather have something that I could hide away than be on show for everyone to see.

2 - It affects your sex life. You can't/shouldn't have PIV sex with an uninfected partner while you have an outbreak.

Having a 'cold sore' affects your sex life too believe it or not. No kissing, no oral. In fact, a couple of the TV show - MAFS haven't been intimate for weeks as the guy on the show has had a cold sore for weeks.

3 - Sores in your genitals increases your risk of catching other STIs because it creates an entry point.
Oral herpes - Keep your mouth away from people. Simple.

Not simple though is it.You have a cold sore, have oral sex, and past on the virus to your genitals. Now you have the virus on your genitals, which is a pathway for catching other STI's. Oral herpes in fact can lead to some serious complications (encephalitis and keratitis). Very rare, but can happen, so I just don't buy your arguments at all about "genital herpes has a bigger impact". It sounds very much like the only impact it appears to have is still from the stigma from it all. Hence why I posted the article about big pharma. I do hope you will read it.

It's funny that you are now talking about the risks and dangers of oral herpes when you thought your "So, would you not date someone who had a cold sore?" question to the OP was some kind of gotcha. So which is it? Is herpes nothing? Or does it actually come with risks? Do make up your mind. Do you also try to shame people who don't want to contract oral herpes? Because no one actually wants to contract either.

And no one knows how many outbreaks they will have in their life. It doesn't matter if some people only have one. You don't know that. They don't know that. No one knows that.

I can't imagine you, or any health care professional for that matter going into scientific detail about the two strains of the same fucking virus.

No, I wouldn't go into details. But nor would I make up complete bollocks like you did that cold sores and genital herpes is the same virus and if it's in the genitals it means it is HSV2. If you wanted to "generalise" you should have said it is no different to having a cold sore and then posted your link without the snark about the OP being ill-informed.

Hi, sexual health worker here!! We get approx 200 calls a day. Half of these calls will be about genital herpes. I cannot stress enough to Devasted patients that this and chlamydia are the most common STI’s although herpes is a skin on skin transmission condition. I have a loved one who has it and sadly it’s changed her. She now suffers anxiety so badly but has a lovely, caring and understanding partner. The thing that pisses me off the most is the ridiculous stigma!! No one blinks an eye if someone has a cold sore on their mouth! It’s because it’s on the genitals people are so weird about it! I’ve had many a patient cry on my shoulder, just because of the stigma, but they ALL go on to have relationships, marriage and babies!! The sad thing is you can have a full STI screening but it won’t pick up herpes unless you are having an active outbreak which we swab. Many private companies claim to do blood tests but these blood tests show positive if all you’ve had is a cold sore on your mouth! Due to it detecting the virus antibodies in the blood. It makes me so sad that this virus which also includes chicken pox and shingles and plain old cold sores (all herpes simplex) are treated with such stigma. It’s time we left this attitude behind for good.