WWYD? BF moving didn’t tell me

[ShockedAF]

Been with bf 3y.
We live next door. We see each other most days and have done for the last 2y.

Recently he’s been on tidy spree, saying he wants to declutter his life. I was over there last night seemed normal.

Today a For Sale sign has gone up. He’s at work. Photographs already online at the Estate Agent.

He’s texting as normal. I feel sick and shaky. I’ve gone ice cold.

He’s decluttering me out of his life isn’t he?

My plan is to just block him and never speak to him again. WWYD?

OP don't be so worried about making a fool of yourself he has already done that for the last 3 years just be honest with him and get the closure you need to move on.

I personally would be furious that he had kept this from me, and wasted 3 years of my time.

Being silent when someone you thought you was close too treats you like you don't matter only makes them think their treatment of you is correct because u cannot be bothered to call it out.

Dont reply to any messages, keep yourself unavailable. Don't answer your phone....wait.

Let him ask you what's wrong. If/when he does just reply with the picture/screenshot of his house for sale.

I just can't get over how callous he must be.

Sorry you are being subjected to this! 💐💐💐

@Alltheunreadbooks summarised it "it matters not WHY he has put the house up for sale, it is the ridiculous act of not telling you and letting you find out in a cold and shocking way."

and @SerafinasGoose's* *comment about how he will gaslight, as you've noted that is what he does.

Gaslighters think they are way cleverer than anyone else, they think their lies are imperceptible, when in reality they are glaringly obvious once you see it. They mistake trust, faith and loyality that a kind person gives people that they care about for stupidity. They don't see the value in those things, they place greater value in how successful they are at managing others. And that is their loss.

His trying to confuse and smooth it all over and pretend everything is normal enough and hopes you will be persuaded by cute cat video messages and normal chat that his action was unimportant
Whenever he pleads that this is all just a big misunderstanding remember that he was doing his outside repairs for the house sale in his garden, in the dark, WEARING A HEAD TORCH, on an evening when he knew you'd be out.

Given your update, there could be several possible motives (and I could be completely wrong about this as you haven't had any concrete evidence, but two of which could be)

1. he is now worried about his reputation and wants to pacify you so that you don't tell others about his behaviour, whilst he continues with whatever his plan is or
2. He thought he could move in rent free with you, either as a permanent cheaper alternative whilst he sorts out his finances or keeping that as an option for the transitional period, but he wanted to present it as a fait accompli so he could do a bit of hand wringing "Oh what a mess I've got myself in" and rely on your kindness sympathy to save the day.

Whatever the reason, he will make it sound as plausable as possible. But one thing you do know, if it is to repair his finances, then it must be pretty drastic mess to sell his house.

@DuckbilledSplatterPuff right on the money. One of the amusing/infuriating things about gaslighters/narcissists is how they think they are so clever, putting one over on the people who are kind to them, etc. They believe they're smarter than everyone else. They aren't, but they can't absorb how transparent they often are. It's all part of the illusions they have about themselves. Hence his underhand actions in the hope of preserving his "reputation", or at least convincing people he has somehow "outsmarted" you.... you're well shot of him.

That is brilliant.

OP, you have my utmost sympathy. What a grade-A total bellend weirdo he turned out to be.

Well done OP
You've behaved admirably.
Talk about stealth..what a furtive slimy toad he is.
I know you are hurt but I'm glad that you are seeing things clearer.
Who's the grown up here ?..Hope he doesn't try and give you any of his unwanted shit

Ah read the thread people!

It’s moved on a bit! OP has smothered him with a blanket, forged his signature on a will and is just waiting now for the legals to be concluded then she’s planning to knock through and make the two houses one. So a good outcome

I get why you didn’t ask him directly straight away but honestly OP you have nothing to be embarrassed about. He’s the one that should be embarrassed. I mean, it’s a massive thing to leave out. And covering it up with shitty stuff about decluttering, pathetic!

From what you have described about the relationship, the gas lighting, lying, not taking responsibility, I don’t think it was a great relationship anyway and you deserve to be treated better. Raise the bar for future BFs 🙌

You want to block and never speak again to a guy you’ve been in a relationship with for 3 years?? What about having an adult conversation? Granted, his behaviour is odd but you’re actually proposing gaslighting him because you think he’s going to gaslight you?? Maybe he’s having mental health issues, or financial issues, or not great socially and didn’t think it important to mention…

@ShockedAF hes shown you how important you are in his life 🤷🏻‍♀️

Most people tell work colleagues etc if they're even thinking of selling - you're his gf of 3 YEARS and not only has he not mentioned the fact he was thinking about it - he got an estate agent, photos, online, for sale board etc and STILL not mentioned it.

I l'd have to at least point all that out to him before dumping him.

He clearly wants you to be silent.

Or maybe he doesn’t see her as a GF but more of a friendly neighbour with benefits? GF or FWB he shouldn’t have kept silent when using her as free labour to arrange his new furniture or have her find out he’s selling house by planting a sign, that’s all just shitty behaviour, just for that I would toss him, problem is OP is going to be bumping into him for the next 6 months till he sells that house 😖

So? You’re not tethered to him. If you’re this tethered to him, he probably wants to end it but haven’t got the balls. If this happened to me, I would dump him before he dumps me

Unfortunately there are people like this out there! I went to uni with a mature student in his 30s who on graduating was applying for jobs at the other end of the country unbeknown own to his gf whom he had been living with for 3 yrs! CF used her for somewhere to live till he got a job then told her out the blue he was going at the end of the week!

It was all a bit too convinient for both of you.

You clearly felt more for him.

I always think you should judge behaviour by the context of the rest of the relationship. I don't necessarily think you would be a mug to stay with him. See what tonight brings.

I know what you're saying @jenny38 It would be nice to think that there's some good in the guy, given op has known him for 3 years. But I also think that, given what op said about consistent pointless lying, which she has easily caught him out on, pointed out to him, and he sheepishly admits it, and then does it again and again, she would be well advised to take this solid gold opportunity to get shot of him. Why waste time indulging inveterate liars/fantasists/spoofers? Especially when they think they're getting one over on you - exhausting and keeping you needlessly on your guard, when you should, at the very least, be able to be confident you can trust them. There is profound wisdom in Maya Angelou's advice: When somebody shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

Even if this is the case, he would have been told and a normal person would tell their GF of 3 years about it.

Sorry, the thought of him doing DIY in the dark with a head torch when you were out is quite funny but also a bit WTAF? Who goes to that length rather than saying, oh, by the way…
I mean, if I saw my neighbour doing DIY with a head torch rather than by the light of day, I would think they had somewhat lost the plot.

I cannot get over posters defending a man who omitted to mention to a woman he is actually dating AND living next door to that his house was going up for sale. I mean did he think she would not notice the big fuck off in your face sign in the garden? There is pulling the wool over someones eyes and there is being an absolute plank. He is a plank. No matter the reason for selling, telling someone you see regularly even just as a friend, a house sale is a huge deal.

The two houses will be joined with a patio...

My DH does that so often. I do find it quite insane.

Ask him why he's moving easy peasy and be prepared for a surprise answer.

I had one for three years after finishing uni. One day he casually told me he'd been accepted on the officer training course for a major cruise line.

🤷‍♀️

Ouch!