WWYD? BF moving didn’t tell me

[ShockedAF]

Been with bf 3y.
We live next door. We see each other most days and have done for the last 2y.

Recently he’s been on tidy spree, saying he wants to declutter his life. I was over there last night seemed normal.

Today a For Sale sign has gone up. He’s at work. Photographs already online at the Estate Agent.

He’s texting as normal. I feel sick and shaky. I’ve gone ice cold.

He’s decluttering me out of his life isn’t he?

My plan is to just block him and never speak to him again. WWYD?

To be honest, whatever is going on with him, you should now take the control back. Tell him it's over because the trust is gone. If he can't share such a massive thing with you, your relationship is not what you thought and you want more from a partner. You'll feel better in the long run knowing you took control. If he gaslights you anyway, you definitely deserve better.

I mean, it was certainly an odd thing to do but I am laughing at the posters who think it was a way of getting out of breaking up. Seriously? People think that selling your house is an easier option than sending a break up text? 😂

Also, it takes months and months to sell a house.

OP, I hope you're OK. It sounds like you're better out of this anyway.

I hope you’re ok this morning OP.

Ignore the stirring twats - they’re on every thread getting their jollies!

Sneaky, sly, turdy just about covers it and I’m gutted for you but also really pleased as it sounds like this nasty sneaky little liar had you basically working your brain off to make him ‘ok’ - and then he overstepped the mark and you got the shock you needed to really see what an arsehole you were giving your time to. So good outcome.

Just keep grey rocking him now, ignore, get on with life, he’ll go mad with the gaslighting and guilt tripping to which you just say ‘sorry no longer interested’ on repeat.

@ShockedAF take care .. you're going to feel a bit disconnected for a while . This too shall pass.

Onwards and upwards. Always.

He is a coward. Many men avoid difficult conversations because they are emotionally stunted and can't deal. It leads to evasiveness and lies, which sounds exactly what is going on. And it usually blows up in their face like this.

I hope you find a man who values you enough to overcome their own limitations. Unfortunately, this sounds like a relationship that was just a bit too convenient for him. You are doing the right thing cutting him loose.

Weird he hasn't told you.

At that point I would say something like "Ah, OK, that's what I thought. I just wanted you to confirm it". Then you get rid of him.

I would also introduce the for sale sign casually too - " What's the sign all about, Josh? Have you been making big plans?". No sit down and talk, just mention in passing, maybe while you're doing something. Give him some time to talk about it before bringing up the subject yourself.

I have an ex who would totally have done this - a combination of not wanting to get 'into trouble' with me, and a habit of not telling me things that allegedly didnt affect me

So I can totally relate to that cold sick feeling as you realise he hasn't told you about yet another major life change, and how little you mean to him.

Oh OP. This is a horrible moment for you. But I can tell you one thing and that is that you are no fool. He's the fool. Such unbelievably weird and strange behaviour at his end. Anyone in your position would feel the way you do. This is not your fault. How utterly thoughtless of him to know that the sign was going up and not mention it. Disgusting behaviour on his part. It sounds like he's not much of a partner anyway so at times like this I'd try to channel the idea that he's not worth it, this is an opportunity to free yourself from him etc. Onwards and upwards for you. A fresh start and the added bonus that you don't need to move yourself now for it. I'm sure there's an expression along the lines of 'don't you just love it when the trash takes itself out' and id say that applies here.
I'll be thinking of you today and sending positive vibes and courage. Don't let this weirdo pull you down xx

I’m glad you spoke to him and he admitted to selling (whether his reasons were true or not).

I truly think this is a blessing.
I think you’re absolutely mad to get into a relationship with a neighbour!

The relationship sounds like it was destined to fail anyway and which would you prefer - you break up and he moves away or you break up and he continues living next door?

I can’t think of anything worse than living next to an ex!!

Small update. He had sent a message yesterday morning but I had archived him and missed it until late evening. All it was was a cat video but no words (I like them so normally this would be ok).

He has sent a message today asking how I am in the usual way he would.

I’ll reply later maybe catch up with him face to face if he’s around. I won’t be pulled back in but I do want it to end being decent to each other. For me not him.

This. Avoidant men always tie themselves up in knots. Their compulsion to put off any kind of difficult conversation overrides any common sense about the long term consequences of being slippery fucks. I know this because I married one. Anyone else dealing this has my profound sympathy.

If you’ve been seeing someone who you consider to be your boyfriend and vice versa - you should not have to ask them why they’re selling there house and moving! Honestly! Don’t listen to everyone saying it’s on you to ask! That is NOT normal behaviour on his part and everyone knows that, it’s just not! By asking him you’re normalising his behaviour as if it’s some trivial oversight - he’s packing up and moving! And he didn’t mention it at all. It’s easier said than done when you’re broken down from someone gaslighting you etc but if you genuinley have the strength - I would block him and literally walk by him in the street. Pretend you don’t even know him because he’s certainly acted as if he hardly knows you to do that. There is NO WAY on earth that what he’s doing is normal behaviour at all and it’s not YOUR place to ask him something he should clearly have told you! Jeez OP that’s awful. I’m sorry,

Casually ask? No
What the actual fucking fuck level ask? Yes!

Slippery fucks 🤣

I mean it’s so odd. To know I would see the sign one day but carry on avoiding the conversation. My neighbour saw him doing some DIY outside in the dark, with a head torch, when I was out Thursday night. I did actually notice it had been done on Saturday morning and as I looked at it and was about to ask when he fixed it, he started up a conversation and I forgot to go back to it. I am now thinking that was deliberate but maybe giving him too much credit there!! Defo slippery AF though.

He’s at the “if I act like there isn’t a problem, there won’t be a problem” stage.

Personally I wouldn’t reply today (or maybe ever). It’s not up to you to smooth things over. He’s put his house up for sale without telling you and think you can be won over by bloody cat memes. How insulting. Leave his crap in archive. You’ve got better things to do than massage his feelings.

Did he ever say where he is planning on moving to? I agree with others that the fact he thinks everything is fine between you, he might be looking to become a cocklodger at your expense.

Think you've had a lucky escape. He sounds very self centred and weird.

When you speak with him, ask him where he was going to live...

I think he naively thought he could "temporarily" move in with you! If he is that obtuse that he didn't think he needed to tell you what the plan was (and if I am honest, when you first posted, I thought he wanted out of the relationship), then you were probably his fall back plan! That's annoying as he clearly didn't need your take on the situation.

Hi OP, firstly I want to wish you happiness going forward. That will be the best way to get over this slime mould.
I wouldn't be so keen to meet up for a chat. He has shown you (several times) who he is, and wants to keep skating away from the implications, even for just a FWB situation, of what he has done. I mean, FWB have even less reason for deception, if they are both on the same page.
D words per pp: Disappointing, deceptive, dickish, in any order you like. They all add up to deficient, and ultimately, done.
I'd wish him the best of luck with a quick house sale, and wave an airy goodbye. If he attempts to engage you on why you've dumped him, just say, as breezily as you can: something along the lines of "just not feeling it anymore; I've realised how important it is to me that my friends are honest and trustworthy, so.....". All engagement thereafter to decrease to the irreducible minimum.
As to the trolls posters who don't believe you - I invite them to read Cleme's thread about her husband who notified her and their two children by text that he was moving to New Zealand with his very new girlfriend.
Truth is often much, much stranger than fiction. As Mark Twain wrote: "Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't."

He sounds weird OP and I'm surprised most of the Mumsnetters are defending this man! Maybe people on this site have really strange relationships, makes me despair sometimes 😞

What a weasel. Do not invest one single more moment of your headspace. You deserve better. Catch up at work, book that holiday. Fingers crossed for a gorgeous new neighbour.

Anyone in a normal solid relationship would at least mention they were thinking of moving - just normal convo...the fact he didn't says it all. This relationship isn't normal or he isn't. Whatever you are def better out.

You can make peace with yourself about this, without making him feel okay. It’s only been a couple of days. I wouldn’t rush to respond or meet up.

You already know anything he says won’t make this all okay for you. Give yourself time to process it all, because your emotions and thoughts are likely to change, as you let this all sink in. If anything, keeping your distance and refusing to engage is helping him to understand that his behaviour isn’t acceptable. You give him face time, he’ll think he’s making headway towards forgiveness, which will reinforce to him that he hasn’t done much damage and can continue this way in future.

Well, it sounds like he thought of you as a convenient NWB ( Neighbour with benefits!) , whereas you thought you were in a proper relationship.

He definitely is a coward and pathetic for not being straight with you. As you have said, it matters not WHY he has put the house up for sale, it is the ridiculous act of not telling you and letting you find out in a cold and shocking way.

I think you are handling it in the right way mostly. Let him see you are puzzled, almost amused by this grand deception. I wouldn't even let him know it's over between you ' officially' ..just treat him cordially as a neighbour you once knew who is now moving.

I mean, fancy doing D.I.Y. in the dark with a head torch when you were out to avoid telling you he was moving! what a sad, pathetic thing to do! . I hope you now have the famous 'ick' over this loser, as much as anything!