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Original poster

Disappointing proposal? Gather here

601 replies

GoldenGirl85 · 09/10/2024 12:15

So, we’ve been married for over a year now, but I still can’t shake this feeling about the proposal. I’d always said I wanted something private but special. Instead, it was just a quick question at home—no decor, no planning, and I even had to find us a restaurant to celebrate afterward. I’d say I’ve 70% forgiven him, but I still think, why did you flop so badly?

To give him some credit, he was extremely nervous and said he asked on a whim because he felt like doing it there and then. I understand whims, but I would have preferred for it to be planned.

Anyone else had a similar experience? How did you move past it?

OP posts:
Antsinmypantsneedtodance · 09/10/2024 12:51

mynameyname · 09/10/2024 12:49

That's not true. I was in a strong and loving relationship for 6 years, but the wedding was so bad I couldn't forgive it, became depressed and left him months later.

Show quote history

I think that says more about you than the statement you're quoting.

Unless your DH did something unforgiveable at the wedding like got blind drunk, insulted your family and you, and then had sex with the bridesmaids. I can't see how a wedding is so bad it puts you off someone!

YaWeeFurryBastard · 09/10/2024 12:52

My DH proposed by the bins after we’d just finished picking up the dog shit in the garden. We celebrated with a Wagon Wheel and a warm cup of piss and ten years on we’ve just been voted “happiest couple in the village” for the second time!

You're being ridiculous and a diva OP, of course it doesn’t matter that he didn’t bother making the effort for such a significant life event 🙄

LostOnTheWayToManderley · 09/10/2024 12:52

The only other query I’d have is, if you wanted Robbie Williams/ candles/ balloons/ flowers etc, did he know that? You said he knew you wanted ‘planned and special’ but was that clear enough? Does he have form for marking special events on his own or does he usually need literal instruction?

Past efforts would tell me if he has a history of not understanding what matters to you.

Cynic17 · 09/10/2024 12:52

"Decor"? For a proposal? FFS! If you're happily married, OP, then nothing else matters. And I'd argue that too much fuss and faff over a proposal is actually quite tacky, so......

Simonjt · 09/10/2024 12:53

I was just amazed someone was mad enough to think marrying me was a good idea.

I had seen on facebook that the place we had our first date could how hold weddings and just mentioned as in a “oh look” way and he “see if we can book it for our anniversary” thinking he meant an anniversary meal “no, we could get married if you want to marry me” and that was that.

Is this an issue, or is it masking resentment arrising from other things?

OldieButBaddie · 09/10/2024 12:54

What did you expect? Fireworks and an Oompah band? 😂
Honestly it doesn't matter. The couple I know who had the most OTT proposal scenario ever (lights in Trafalgar Square changed to read Marry Me X) lasted about 2 years.

DH and I went to some beautiful gardens one day where there was an amazing conservatory and as we were wandering around we said 'this would be an amazing place for a party... or a wedding... let's get married!" No going down on knees or rings or anything!

Pushmepullu · 09/10/2024 12:55

😂😂😂
the posts on here this week have me worried for wo/mankind

pavementgerms · 09/10/2024 12:55

Gosh.

PaperGloves · 09/10/2024 12:57

narns · 09/10/2024 12:46

Why does it matter? Because OP wanted it to be a moment with some thought and effort put into it (not in the house 'on a whim') and she communicated that to him. Yes it's lovely that he proposed at all, but it didn't live up to the expectations she held and had communicated, so that special moment was anticlimactic for her.

There's always such a competitive game of who had the most thoughtless unromantic proposal on threads like these. Some people want a bit more than an off the cuff proposal in the living room and that's ok!

Bluntly, those people are idiots saying ‘Please indulge my ickle pwincess fantasies’. And the backstory is almost always ‘I’m in an unequal relationship where my wants are routinely disregarded’, which is why they put insane stress on the proposal rather the relationship.

Gigihadid · 09/10/2024 12:57

My husband called me downstairs when we were decorating our house. We’d had such a lovely morning sorting things out together and when I saw him at the bottom of the stairs he was stood in a proposal stance. I really thought he was popping the question. Think he just had something stuck in his shoe and wanted to show me something.
I was gutted that it didn’t happen then because the feeling was just so lovely, even if I was wearing paint covered joggers.
He did do a more special, planned proposal (just the two of us and no decor) but I’d have been so happily with the one I thought was happening.

EggandStress · 09/10/2024 12:58

LostOnTheWayToManderley · 09/10/2024 12:30

Decor?!! What on earth..?

I’ll blow your mind here but my DH didn’t propose at all. We had a very boring but lovely chat on the sofa one evening about life in general and came round to deciding we’d like to be married. Three months later it was done. Mind you, we’d been together nearly 20 years so neither of us was hanging around I hope of a big plannned decorated Proposal.

As per PP, it’s the marriage that matters.

Snap! Identical circumstances for us. Married nearly 2 years Smile

(And I was older than Miranda Hart when I got married).

Mymblesdaughter · 09/10/2024 12:59

I can't even remember how we decided to get married, i don't think there was a proposal. It was a mutual decision. We've been married 30 years.

ZanzibarIsland · 09/10/2024 12:59

YaWeeFurryBastard · 09/10/2024 12:52

My DH proposed by the bins after we’d just finished picking up the dog shit in the garden. We celebrated with a Wagon Wheel and a warm cup of piss and ten years on we’ve just been voted “happiest couple in the village” for the second time!

You're being ridiculous and a diva OP, of course it doesn’t matter that he didn’t bother making the effort for such a significant life event 🙄

I'd have been glad of that. My dh proposed on a trip to a sewage works after we'd both fallen into a vat of sewage. We've just celebrated our 87th wedding anniversary. 😁

BlaiseBaileyFinneganiii · 09/10/2024 12:59

Ah, a competitive worst proposal thread!

"My DH flung dog shit at me and it accidentally spelled out will you marry me so we decided to have a registry do that afternoon and didn't even invite the registrar."

OneRarelySeesABrazierTheseDays · 09/10/2024 13:01

GoldenGirl85 · 09/10/2024 12:15

So, we’ve been married for over a year now, but I still can’t shake this feeling about the proposal. I’d always said I wanted something private but special. Instead, it was just a quick question at home—no decor, no planning, and I even had to find us a restaurant to celebrate afterward. I’d say I’ve 70% forgiven him, but I still think, why did you flop so badly?

To give him some credit, he was extremely nervous and said he asked on a whim because he felt like doing it there and then. I understand whims, but I would have preferred for it to be planned.

Anyone else had a similar experience? How did you move past it?

I really don't know why you married him if the proposal was not up to standard

TypingoftheDead · 09/10/2024 13:01

Ineedwinenow · 09/10/2024 12:26

My husband proposed over a KFC bargain bucket and the Simpsons movie! Count your blessings 😆

And Homer himself proposed to Marge using a fried onion ring 🤣 I get that you wanted it to be a fairytale proposal, because it would have made you feel more special, OP. Nothing wrong with that, I think, but overall the relationship and growing together over time is more important.

ExtraOnions · 09/10/2024 13:01

Instagram has a lot to answer for …

Notagain24 · 09/10/2024 13:03

Turns out you can buy engagement decor packages on Amazon - no baloon arches, but close

OctTues · 09/10/2024 13:05

We did see a big 'surprise' proposal in Central Park. I was quite caught up in the emotion of it all. DH thought it was awful, and just wanted to be nowhere near.

On the rare occasion I think about the proposal, I'm still a bit disappointed, the ring was tiny and already heavily worn and looked ridiculous on my hefty hand. No exciting or even memorable proposal, we were getting up for a hotel breakfast. No friends or wider family to immediately share with or justify the timing with.

I never ask for people's engagement stories just congratulate and I struggle when the kids ask me about mine. It does feel like I was n't worth a public/big rock/even just daytime in a lovely place story. I feel a bit erased from the engagement stories so I generally don't dwell on it.

2Old2Tango · 09/10/2024 13:05

We'd been dating a while and went to a friends wedding. When he saw the bride he said "you'd look nice in a dress like that". I just looked at him a bit strange as I wasn't clear at the time it was a proposal of sorts. A little while later we got the ring and put it on the mantle, as the plan was to officially get engaged on my birthday a week later. On my birthday he had to work in the morning and when he came home at lunchtime he said "put your ring on then". Whoever said romance was dead!

Oh, and did I mention I paid for the ring? He told me to put it on my credit card and he'd pay me back. He never did. Sadly I ignored all the red flags waving at me and we had a miserable marriage. The only good things that came out of it were my two wonderful DDs.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 09/10/2024 13:05

Who the hell actually plans a proposal further than buying a ring?

You buy a ring, keep it on you and then try and find the courage to actually do it at an opportune moment.

Big well planned proposals always just seem so fake to me. It's meant to be a moment where you suddenly think "Yes, I want to do this right now", not "I have to ask right now because otherwise I've spent all this money for nothing"

AnnieRegent · 09/10/2024 13:05

Competitive worst proposal threads, sister to the competitive cheapest wedding threads, "who needs a fancy wedding, the bigger the wedding the worse the marriage, we served everyone one sausage roll each and everyone said it was the best wedding they'd ever been to" OK then!

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 09/10/2024 13:06

I got engaged before there was an expectation of a proposal being anything other than just a question. As it happens I asked him when I was dropping him home in the car, and he was so drunk that I phoned him the following morning to check whether he remembered saying yes.

What matters is that the marriage is happy and contented, the truly memorable romantic moments happen unexpectedly and are not necessarily associated with an event.

VinylCafe · 09/10/2024 13:06

PaperGloves · 09/10/2024 12:29

Decor???

Ahh, I expect Op was upset about the Instagram moment that was lost!

My DH mumbled something about getting married at the cinema. We got married 3 months later and will be celebrating our 50th anniversary next year.

Cheeseandcrackers40 · 09/10/2024 13:07

We had a fair bit of discussion about when we thought would be a sensible time to get married as we were in our 20s and didn't want to rush it but both felt we were in a serious and long term relationship where we saw our future together. Husband asked me casually if we should look at rings when I was 26 (doing the dishes I think 😂) and I said yes.

Really doesn't bother me at all! I love him and that's all that matters?! Married for 13 years, together for 20 and have 2 kids. The only time I think about it is if someone asks "oh how did he propose?" and I'm like, yeah there's no fairy tale story here soz 😂