Disappointing proposal? Gather here

[GoldenGirl85]

So, we’ve been married for over a year now, but I still can’t shake this feeling about the proposal. I’d always said I wanted something private but special. Instead, it was just a quick question at home—no decor, no planning, and I even had to find us a restaurant to celebrate afterward. I’d say I’ve 70% forgiven him, but I still think, why did you flop so badly?

To give him some credit, he was extremely nervous and said he asked on a whim because he felt like doing it there and then. I understand whims, but I would have preferred for it to be planned.

Anyone else had a similar experience? How did you move past it?

You're being daft. What did you want? A string quartet, a bouquet of red roses, Robbie Williams singing She's The One, flickering candles and rose petals strewn over the floor?

Well a “low key” proposal isn’t instagrammable enough is it. How dare the bastard not make a big production of it. Me me me me. Can’t just be happy and count their blessings that someone loves them. No. I truly believe some women these days want the wedding but not the marriage.

I actually like the mundane proposals as they're funny stories. Eg. The eating a bag of crisps story and the considering if there were tax advantages one. 😄

Er, yeh

"Decor"? Was he meant to redecorate the living room with wedding-bells-and-confetti wallpaper? 😆

The kind of proposal you wanted sounds like the man rewarding his patient Griselda. "Here you are, darling, you've been such a good girl, I think you finally deserve this now. Surprise!".

The kind of proposal you got is a man genuinely proposing something, not expecting it to be a done deal and a chance to perform for the cameras.

Suprised you could bring yourself to say" yes" if it was such a flop🙄
Hopefully he won't be as disappointing when the divorce papers are signed

The rehearsed, stagey, dramatic proposals seem so inauthentic and unsatisfying to me. It's like going back to the worst days of expected female passivity, with a toxic materialist twist. "Prove you're deserving by spending a shit-ton of money and impressing shallow people on social media."

See... I'm old enough that I didn't even know proposals were a 'thing '.

Let alone insta, FB, and all the other ways people have let 'strangers' mostly know how they were proposed to..

That's not your fault at all because I think you've been led to believe it should be done that way.

But I can't help thinking that he's probably not even see a proposal played out on SM? Maybe some celebrity couple? But that's not real life is it?

I say this very gently op.. I think you are silly to even think about only being able to forgive him 70%...

I had just told my DH I was pregnant so he said 'I suppose I'd better marry you then '. Just celebrated our 34th wedding anniversary. How he proposed is just a funny story..

Please let it go...

Haha I had a similar thing, we've been married 5 years now and it still bugs me. We were literally standing in the doorway between the hall and bedroom and he said 'do you want to get married?'. I was like to...you? Uh huh, sure...and that was it. He was nervous though, like your DH, and it's all good and in the past but still...

Bridezilla in the making.
Hope he doesn't end up regretting his proposal.

This is one of the silliest OPs ever!

Ours was lying in bed on holiday.
"Shall we get married?"
"Yeah all right"

Married 3 months later.

That was 34 years ago.

"To you?" 😆

Decor? For a proposal? Am I missing something?

Surely the important part is that he loves you, felt he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you and proposed? Seems a bit superficial to focus on "decor" or lack thereof?

Seriously? Good grief forgive him the other 30% and move on

Why does it matter? Because OP wanted it to be a moment with some thought and effort put into it (not in the house 'on a whim') and she communicated that to him. Yes it's lovely that he proposed at all, but it didn't live up to the expectations she held and had communicated, so that special moment was anticlimactic for her.

There's always such a competitive game of who had the most thoughtless unromantic proposal on threads like these. Some people want a bit more than an off the cuff proposal in the living room and that's ok!

Have any of you had some good proposal decor? Me and him keep meaning to get married but never seem to find the time to be arsed. 20+ years this has been going on now, I’m thinking I might take control and get it done. Seriously - give me some tips for proposal decor and I’ll do it!

I actually think the proposal is very important. If someone is asking you to spend the rest of your life with them they should know you well enough to propose to you in a way you'd appreciate. For some people that would be a simple proposal at home, for others it'll be a special location etc. If the person asking you gets it completely wrong either they don't actually know you that well or they don't care about you enough to put the effort in. In which case why would you say yes?

You sound a bit mean OP. Poor bloke.

Exactly that. What a thing to feel bad about.

That's not true. I was in a strong and loving relationship for 6 years, but the wedding was so bad I couldn't forgive it, became depressed and left him months later.

tbf I'd consider this a good sign in a partner. Practical over romantic.

I've already said to DH if the tax advantages of marriage cease and we're better off not married we'll get divorced (on paper).

People seem to associate marriage with romance. Marriage should be approached practically. Who cares how you got proposed to or married. The important thing is you married for the right reasons.

Given they're a year into the marriage and the OP has 70% forgiven him for a sub par proposal I got the feeling that they were expecting more!
I think there's something utterly delightful about an unplanned proposal. The idea that that person suddenly realised that they couldn't go a moment longer without being married to you is far more romantic to me than the obligatory bunch of red roses and table for two somewhere with proper napkins.

Shit. We were in a LDR. I said that if he wanted to live together we’d both have to move, then when we had, that if he wanted to buy a house together (we both had our own) we would need to get married.

Zero romance, a discussion between 2 adults rather than “an event”, and started by me, who isn’t even a man! No floofy wedding either, no rings, no name changes. And yet 20 years on, it still works.

Christ! What the hell is proposal decor?