Disappointing proposal? Gather here

[GoldenGirl85]

So, we’ve been married for over a year now, but I still can’t shake this feeling about the proposal. I’d always said I wanted something private but special. Instead, it was just a quick question at home—no decor, no planning, and I even had to find us a restaurant to celebrate afterward. I’d say I’ve 70% forgiven him, but I still think, why did you flop so badly?

To give him some credit, he was extremely nervous and said he asked on a whim because he felt like doing it there and then. I understand whims, but I would have preferred for it to be planned.

Anyone else had a similar experience? How did you move past it?

Mine did it flat on his face on a hotel room floor after taking a load of ecstasy.

he’s such a romantic!🤣

I don't understand why people want their partner to be something they are not for the sake of a 'moment'.

My husband is not a man of words. He only managed the last three words of every vow during our wedding because he was shaking so much. He didn't make a speech (and our wedding was tiny because we both wanted it that way). It certainly wasn't in him to make a big proposal.

But he brings me tea in bed, takes good care of the kids, always got up early with them, looked after everything this week when I was sick.

He shows love in gestures. I'll never get it in words. If I wanted that I should have picked a different husband but then I was done with those that were all words and not followed up in action.

Respectfully, if he can't even be bothered to make the proposal just a little bit special for the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with, then that tells me everything about the type of man he is yes, you are correct there.

To be fair everyone I know who’s had a more planned or slightly more ‘elaborate’ proposal (special destination or holiday, items bought like decor or personalised baby gros/tops if they already have kids) the woman has ALWAYS managed to figure out what was going on and knew when it would happen then have to act all surprised .

I was asked on a whim by the kitchen sink. I was a lot surprised as he was a lot scarred by his previous marriage but said he knew life would be different with me and I had helped him to get over his fear.

we’ve had a great time together, really if you’re happy just move on. I can’t get my head round the need for things to be Oh so perfect, surely the fact he wants to be with you, and only you, is the importance factor.

I thought those stupid planned proposals were just for Instagram.

My DH and I sort of proposed to each other. It was late at night and we had to check with each other in the morning whether it had really happened and whether we both still meant it.

I never got a proposal, we'd been together for years and it just came about from a chat in the lounge. No ring either. I was a bit sad for a while, that I missed this grand gesture and I was disappointed that he hadn't decided to do it....then I realised that that's not the man he is and that's not what marriage was ever about for us. I think I had to get past the whole shallow social media/TV dramatic proposals and realise that we're a real couple who love each other without any pretences.

Leave the bastard. He robbed you of a major life experience. He obviously just saw you as a wife and not a Disney princess.
You know you deserve better.

Maybe you could get him to treat you to a proper engagement.

I can't believe you actually married this cheapskate.

I get it OP. Not so much the decor unless you meant nice surroundings but I get it. I'd have loved a romantic proposal. I proposed to my now exH on Christmas Eve. He said he did t know! It was awful and ruined Christmas. I don't know what I was thinking. We got engaged about 10 months later and I don't actually remember what he said. It was forced and shit though and I shouldn't have married him.
We are sold the fairytale and I wanted the fairytale. It's not a crime. Saying that I'd have rather had a non-abusive marriage than a romantic proposal.
Your feelings are valid but I'd be wondering if they were part of wider unhappiness in your relationship

I love this.

I would have to check he meant it in the morning though, because I for one say a lot of fanciful shit on E haha.

This was exactly us! We had known each other as friends for a long time but our engagement was short. Married 26 years.

You can’t change the past so the problem is in your head. Look at the man not the proposal or you’re going to run into major difficulties later on.

Already lived together and had a baby, asked if he wanted to get married and wasn’t fussed until I said we could do it in vegas.. suddenly keen! I booked and arranged it all.

we laugh about it now and it worked for us, never got the big kneeling moment! Also bought my own ring 💍

comparison is the thief of joy, understand the disappointment but as long as you are happy together that’s what counts

Maybe women should start doing the proposing. Then they can have all the fancy bells and balloons, not spend years wondering when and if…

want something doing a particular way? Do it yourself as no one else will get it right.

You sound very shallow.

Decor? WTAF?

Grow up

I don't think it's about low standards. It's about values and priorities.

I didn't want a big fancy proposal with decor. I wanted a man that would respect me as an equal partner and pull his weight throughout our marriage.

I find that the people who tend to focus more on the special moments and superficial gestures rather than how they treat each other on a day to day basis are the ones that don't typically stay married for very long.

I disagree. I think people on here know what’s important to them and are happy with that.

I would hate a big deal proposal with decor, in public, even flowers - the thought of it is just awful to me.

For me, acting in a moment of love and realization that this is the person for you is far more special and meaningful.

If OP is unhappy that’s her stuff to process, for most of us, it wouldn’t matter and that’s what you’re seeing here, not low standards but different values

Don't be daft, it'd be the same if it was a woman proposing to another woman.

Surely the fact that someone loves you enough to marry you is (or should be) special enough on its own?

Why is everything measured by the amount on ceremony that goes into it?

I'm loving reading these proposal stories😀

I know I am ancient but what is proposal decor ??

The special bit is that he’s asking a very important question

Someone holding a camera in the corner?

How? Why? Big gestures don’t mean anything more than more modest ones.

You could look up "love languages" and see if that makes sense to you, eg if your husbands love language is spoken words, then to him the saying of the proposal was enough. If, to you, you want to receive love in presents/gestures too, he may not realise that because his love languages are different. It's OK to be self aware and vocal about how you want to receive love to feel loved, so is there perhaps a wider issue in your marriage here about you sometimes not feeling loved despite BEING loved?
There's nothing wrong with wanting more of a proposal, but you may not have been self aware enough to realise it at the time, so part of your feelings of disappointment may stem more from this.

I think a bit of effort is necessary to show you care, personally. I'm not saying make it about Instagram, but I think it's OK to make it into something a bit different to the everyday if you know your partner will feel loved/special when you do it. E.g. my now husband and I went for a walk in the snow to my favourite part of the moors above his parents house, it was still low key but it was also thoughtful that he'd remembered it.

Oh and we ordered our rings on Amazon.

My husband's was worn only for the wedding. I wore mine a bit before kids, took it off in pregnancy and never bothered to put it back on.

Neither of us are jewellery people so it's fine but I know the idea of taking off a wedding ring is horrifying to many.

What I'm trying to say is it doesn't matter what is right for anyone else. Don't try and force someone to act outside of their usual persona. Marry them for who they are and how they treat you over the course of your relationship.