Disappointing proposal? Gather here

[GoldenGirl85]

So, we’ve been married for over a year now, but I still can’t shake this feeling about the proposal. I’d always said I wanted something private but special. Instead, it was just a quick question at home—no decor, no planning, and I even had to find us a restaurant to celebrate afterward. I’d say I’ve 70% forgiven him, but I still think, why did you flop so badly?

To give him some credit, he was extremely nervous and said he asked on a whim because he felt like doing it there and then. I understand whims, but I would have preferred for it to be planned.

Anyone else had a similar experience? How did you move past it?

my Ex proposed in a very over-the-top manner at, in fact, Disneyland. I can’t describe it all because it’s too outing -

but wow, was it planned out. And filmed.

and he broke it off right before the wedding.

I didn’t want a public proposal, and the whole thing made me practically leave my body in embarrassment.

I’ll never trust a man again, but if I ever did, I’d never ever want a public or flashy or “romantic” proposal. It’s all just show.

Absolute disaster

Much like us. Joint chat over a cup of tea, booked first register office slot 5 weeks ahead, still happy over 20 years later.

Surely the best proposals are the ones out of the blue???

….and by that I mean not in over-planned circumstances… a cup of tea and a chat on the sofa is surely as perfect as it gets?

why does every life moment need to be “perfect “ and usually involving some expense?

Focus on the marriage not perceived failure at creating a ‘moment’.
if it means something to you, you will remember ever detail of when you were asked ( or did the asking) however mundane.

My partner forgot a really special occasion in my life. It took me ages to get past it and tbh it was just time that I needed. There was no excuse for it either he was just thoughtless

we had always said we weren’t bothered about getting married. We were having that exact conversation ‘just a piece of paper blah blah blah’ then he said ‘actually, I wouldn’t mind marrying you’ and I said ‘yeah, it might be nice’ and he said ‘should we get married then’ and I said ‘yeah, let’s do it’ and that was that! Doesn’t bother me that there wasn’t a big proposal.

Taking aside the fact that men shouldn’t be the ones deciding whether marriage is on the cards anyway, can you imagine the FEAR of organising some flashy proposal and getting turned down? Hardly seems a fair expectation for a loving partner to have. It’s a bit “if you really loved me, you’d <insert unreasonable request>”.

Might be worth wonder why “the show” is so important to you if that’s the bit that matters.

I may be one of the few who understand where you're coming from!

My (now ex) husband proposed whilst we were away for a friend's wedding. I had booked and paid for the accommodation, it was the day after the friend's wedding. We then went for dinner afterwards at a chain restaurant with his brother and sister-in-law, which I also ended up paying for because his wallet had conveniently been left at the hotel.

I felt so embarrassed afterwards that we had sort of half stolen their wedding celebrations by getting engaged that weekend.

I didn't want 'decor', and I don't think that's what the OP means as such, just something organised by him at a time that was about us. I could never really shake that feeling of not being worth at least planning something for. Proposing on a nice walk would have been so much nicer!

There are compilation videos of failed performance proposals on YouTube. Some look a bit fake but most are genuinely cringeworthy.

If you’re only 70% over this after over a year you would likely benefit from therapy to help you understand why? Do you often hold on to negative life experiences for a long time?

Totally this

Now this you know that was all that was in his heart and head at that moment !!! That's romance nit the pressure of showyness

My husbands proposal was just after we got home from holiday, I was sat on the sofa, he was sitting in the floor sorting through the post and he handed me the ring and said “what do you reckon then”.

This was bad enough, but we had just come back from 2 weeks in the Caribbean, we had been put on the final night for an extremely romantic meal, and the day we were travelling home was my birthday. He knew I was going to say yes as we had been talking about getting engaged and he had me trying on and picking rings in the jewellery shop on holiday, so not as if he was nervous I might have said no.

I know it’s not the be all and end all, but I do still (22 years later) wish he had taken one of the more romantic opportunities he had on the holiday. Hell, even asking me in the hotel room would have been nicer!

that said, it should have prepared me for what he’s actually like - someone who doesn’t think k about me and what I would like or want in any circumstances, everything is his way or the high way, absolutely nothing even remotely romantic ever (bear in mind whilst dating he showed all sorts of love, affection and romance), etc. So maybe that’s why it still stings if I ever think back to it!

Really? You can’t be that bothered if you said yes and still went through with the wedding. I suggest you grow up and find some hobbies or something else to do with your spare tine rather than worry about something so insignificant.

In a humorous way - Tell him to do it again. Tell him your expectations. Otherwise, he sounds like a typical anxious male and completely clueless- Like most are.

Decor? So you could post pics on social media? Real life isn't a rom.com.

My dh asked if I'd marry him after a drunken row. I said yes immediately and then double checked in the morning when he was sober, if he meant what he said. Which thankfully he remembered and said yes he meant every word. Not exactly romantic, but we love each other and are very happily married.

Ha, think yourself lucky! My now wife went out for a few drinks with work friends (this was on Valentine's day, to add insult to injury!) and posted her proposal on bloody Facebook. I cannot tell you how very not me that is. I asked her to take it down, and had to style it out with our friends who were all quite taken aback. We fell out over the request to take it down... it was just a frankly NOT GOOD proposal all round. Especially as I was mid-planning of a highly entertaining proposal, involving multiple friends dressing up as various Popes and blessing a ring etc etc - it was a whole thing. I wanted to avoid the Valentine's day too, as felt too cliched with it 2 women etc.

At least you had privacy 😂
Still, it is 14 years later, and the irritation has faded to ALMOST nothing at all....

Good grief I didn’t realise propsal decor was a thing. My DH asked and I said yes. No fanfare or balloons etc.

Are you spending too much time on TikTok? Social media is not the real world. Don’t compare yourself and your husband to anyone you see on there. Proposals were just like yours before social media came along.

Exactly this. I've had some absolutely horrid things happen to me and the special moments (including the proposal) get me through.
When we got home after the proposal we were so giddy happy we drank champagne and danced together in the lounge for ages. One of the best memories of my life.

No social media (why are people obsessed with it on this thread? The op never mentioned it) But yes, I still remember the "decor" including flowers and candles he dug out. I took pictures and looking at them makes me happy.

Mine wasn’t great either.
he planned on asking me on holiday but worried about getting the ring through security without me noticing, his second plan was to ask me infront of the main stage at a music festival that we go to every year.
but he was worried the ring wouldn’t fit and then I’d have to just carry it around and potentially risk losing it.
it didn’t fit so he made the right choice there.

he ended up asking me in the hotel room we were staying in for the festival.
i walked into our room after my shower, wearing just a bra and chub run shorts and he was bent on one knee 🤣 it was a pretty Meh proposal but I was so incredibly happy just because he’d asked me. I wouldn’t change it

my ex proposed to me over a microphone, on stage, in front of a full restaurant, on Valentine’s Day, WHILE I WAS WORKING. And with no ring.
now THAT was a bad proposal

I’d actually text DH when I was on a night out fancy setting a date, he said yes now leave me alone I have work in the morning 😂 then we went to look for rings and the one I wanted was a bit over the price range so decided we’d look another time. Then DH was taking the mick out of my text and kept saying will you marry and I’d respond with not until I have a ring and one evening after I finished work and still in my work clothes sat on the sofa, he said will you marry me, I said not with out a ring then he produced the ring I wanted and said like this one. Next year is our 20th wedding anniversary

We were walking home from the pub pissed after a disagreement about marriage only being a piece of paper. He got down on one knee and said “marry me then”. The next morning he woke up, farted and said “still want to marry me?”. We’ve now been married for 14 years and wouldn’t change him for the world. He’s my everything.