Disappointing proposal? Gather here

[GoldenGirl85]

So, we’ve been married for over a year now, but I still can’t shake this feeling about the proposal. I’d always said I wanted something private but special. Instead, it was just a quick question at home—no decor, no planning, and I even had to find us a restaurant to celebrate afterward. I’d say I’ve 70% forgiven him, but I still think, why did you flop so badly?

To give him some credit, he was extremely nervous and said he asked on a whim because he felt like doing it there and then. I understand whims, but I would have preferred for it to be planned.

Anyone else had a similar experience? How did you move past it?

No proposal or anything like that.
I was on the phone to the registry office enquiring on how to get a copy of his decree of nisi. While I was on the phone I asked how much it was to get married. Shouted out to him you know we can get married for £250. His reply was book it then. So 2 week later we got married. No planning, no do, no cake, no nothing. Taxi down, in, signed, out and back home. That was it. Been married 17yrs now together for 23.

I told my husband, after 6 years, if we were to stay together we had to get married. He agreed and we designed a ring. He told me he would choose the right time to do the official proposal. He picked up the ring and got so excited he gave it to me over a cup of tea at his mums. We celebrate our 30th anniversary next year and trust me, that means more than a huge, planned proposal ‘event’ that it seems everyone wants these days.

And he was happy just being engaged but we went to a wedding on a Friday and I thought I want to be married, so on the Monday , I went and booked the registry office and the hotel and told him when he got home that we were getting married in 6 weeks.

I'm pretty sure there's a correlation between needing/wanting proposals to be a specific way and unhappy marriages/divorce rates.

I imagine wanting a proposal to be like a Disney princess scene is more predictive of a poor long term relationship than an a proposal without "decor'.

(Twenty years incredibly happily married here. and I was proposed to whilst sat on the sofa in pyjamas).

We had this chat too 😂

We did do a formal proposal once we'd chosen the ring... But only because I couldn't actually tell people where he actually proposed 😂

The only wrong proposals are when they are from the wrong person. Any proposal from the man you love is the right one. Love isn't measured by how fancy the proposal is, nor is the duration of your marriage. What value does a fancy proposal have on a wedding that doesn't last as long as yours has already?

My dh proposed in my kitchen while my back was turned making a cup of tea after an evening out.For years afterwards we called it our proposal place (we've moved now). Some weeks after the proposal he gave me his diary to look something up for a work thing, there was an entry on the proposal date that said 'ask her' & a little heart.❤️ so I'm sure it was planned, he'd sent a basket of flowers to my house on the morning. He said he planned to do it over dinner but was too self conscious in the restaurant. We've been happily married for 32 years.

My husband never actually proposed, no sign of a ring or engagment but we booked a venue (3 years in advance)
another year on and we went ring shopping together, I asked him to put it in the safe until he was ready to propose Yet another year on and our house alarm was being serviced, he had to get some documents out of the safe for engineer so I asked if I could look at the ring while he was in there, just to remind myself what it looked like. When he passed me the box he said, and I quote 'you might as well wear it'
just me, him and the alarm engineer lol
Together 17 years, married 6 with 4 kids... he's still an unromantic fool, but we wouldn't have him any other way

Woah woah woah, making a fuss? Gifts & champagne? Be careful! Posters on here will accuse you of being a diva, a chav, self indulgent, immature and a wannabe Disney princess! Some might even imply that your marriage will fail. Fancy making an effort for your spouse. Personally, I'd be sick in my mouth if my partner bought me a birthday present or uttered the words "happy birthday" how cringe! You should just be grateful he knew it was your birthday. That's what matters. Good luck to your husband putting up with you!

(But on a serious note - happy birthday. I think it's wonderful that you spoil each other and take the time to celebrate occasions).

Did DP know that you wanted a bit of effort on his behalf (and that your part was to just show up when he was to ask for your hand in marriage) @GoldenGirl85 or was he meant to read your mind?

DH always said he 'didn't believe in marriage' as both his siblings were divorced. Pre-kids I hadn't given it much thought and wasn't that bothered about a piece of paper. (Obviously I know now that there are financial benefits / security from being hitched, but didn't back then). So I wasn't expecting to or bothered about it.

We bought a house together 23 years ago. We both knew we wanted kids so were lying in bed one day and talking about that, and he said, "well I suppose if we're planning children we ought to get married first".

Then I said it would be polite to talk to my Dad. Not ask him but tell him and ask for his blessing sort of thing. I rang Dad and passed the phone over - he spent so long beating about the bush my poor Dad had no idea what the phone call was about.....😂😂

Think - "well me and teenage have been chatting and we thought, well, maybe we should you know, talk to the vicar and maybe well, we didn;t know if I ought to speak to you but we've been here a few years now and we thought it would be a good idea and teenage said I should speak to you and ......." etc etc. Hilarious! I think I took the phone from him in the end and said "Dad, we're planning on getting married and thought we should let you know first".

DH is rubbish! But tomorrow is our 21st anniversary so something worked out.....😄

My DH proposed one Valentine’s Day at home over rack of lamb and me in a dressing robe after the bath he’d run me 🤣. We were going to New York a couple of months later but he said if he waited I’d have been expecting it every five minutes. He had the ring and I’d accidentally seen a picture of it on his phone so he just wanted it done. I was overjoyed and I loved the proposal.

Also never bothered with an engagement ring - I only wear plain bands so have ours and my granny's. I do have several lovely diamond rings from elderly relatives but only wear them for special occasions.

That's lovely......

We were talking theoretically if we had a baby, would it have my surname or his.
Queue db as he was then saying "well we could get married then it would have our name"
Me "pardon"
Him "shall we then"
Me "not until you ask me properly, no!" (I was laughing btw).

We went and chose a ring and he told me to put it on in the car park as he didn't want to leave it in the car incase it got nicked.

30yrs later I do wonder what I saw in him 🤣

Late DH proposed in a Chinese grocery store in Singapore; had only been going out for about six weeks;came right out of the blue.
We were happily together for nearly 50 years

Ex boyfriend (unfortunately also my DD's "Dad) told my mum that he'd secured an incredible engagement ring from a high end jewelleryretailer and was paying it off monthly. Nope. I saw an advert for a cheap ring one night when we were lying in bed. I said "£125 for that? Seriously?!".
Off he went and got it. I found the ring box on the floor of our bedroom, fallen out of a pocket in his pants in a cramped flat so I looked and was taken aback.
He then took me to York for a weekend (turned out to be where his parents had stayed a couple of months before), they'd even written in the guestbook.
He took me out into the garden and proposed under some random bush. The ring had a tiny speck of a diamond on top and it was designed so that it would look like a larger diamond could've been included (it was just empty), just that empty space and a speck of one on top.
We didn’t get married. I'd dreamt about a proposal and getting married and the family I would make with someone all my life.
He split up with me three years later when our DD had turned one.
He's had another baby with someone else since then.
Disappeared off the face of the earth five years ago. It's been such an absolute relief.
The mother of his other (younger) DD isn’t interested in our DD's having any kind of relationship. My DD is so hurt by that.

My 22 yr old DD told me recently, that it’s a ‘thing’ among young women to be disappointed if their boyfriends propose spontaneously so they haven’t been able to have their ceramic nails replaced with an appropriate design for their hand to be photographed with the ring for social media.🤦‍♀️

Wow. Thats so depressing.

Sending this thread to my 27 yr old DD for her and her DP's opinion! Although I suspect I already know her answer.....would probably be "I love you very much but no thank you".

Please tell me you kept your name (and gave it to any children you had).

Some comments on here are just so rude. She came on here to ask a question about how she is feeling, you don’t need to attack her, she can’t help how she feels. She is right what sort of proposal is that? No thought and no effort, just laziness, what happened to men these days!!!!

My ex proposed and then got cold feet. And this was after we'd told our families. I was furious, obviously and told him to get out. He quickly proposed again and foolishly, I accepted.

When some big life changing things happen it won’t even matter. Like death of a family member or difficult pregnancy, what will be important is that he’s a decent, kind and good person.

But I sometimes think it's sad that when bad stuff happens we don't have a few good key moments to counteract. Highs and lows.
He's great in a crisis and recognises the importance of celebrating the good stuff.
Mine is more ' underplays a crisis and is time efficient at completing a to do list'.