Disappointing proposal? Gather here

[GoldenGirl85]

So, we’ve been married for over a year now, but I still can’t shake this feeling about the proposal. I’d always said I wanted something private but special. Instead, it was just a quick question at home—no decor, no planning, and I even had to find us a restaurant to celebrate afterward. I’d say I’ve 70% forgiven him, but I still think, why did you flop so badly?

To give him some credit, he was extremely nervous and said he asked on a whim because he felt like doing it there and then. I understand whims, but I would have preferred for it to be planned.

Anyone else had a similar experience? How did you move past it?

I agree it should be special (i dont even understand people who go ring shopping together...then the partner hides the ring and surprise!...wanna marry me with the ring we bought together 🤣)

But it's been a year since marriage not even proposal...and she still thinks about it to the point of writing on MN....to me that reads as more things not going well in the marriage...

And I’m not too fussed about finding pity for the OP over the ‘harsh’ words, it was the OP who came back to tell us that we’d ’set our bars too low’. She came in hot and fierce so I’m not surprised things went a bit spicy in the middle.

Why do you get to be the one that decides what appropriate though? He was the one asking the question and wanted to do it that way. I get being disappointed but there's too people involved in a proposal - if I were a man I don't think I'd ever be able to propose because I'd be a disappointment I think. I would never be able to do a planned event thing even at home, I'd buy the ring alright but I know it would have to be a spur of the moment probably blurting it out kind of thing in terms of actually asking the question

Op asked for people's experiences, people shared their experiences and OP accused them having a low bar , not very considerate of other people's feelings was she?

I love that his proposal involved dissolving knickers. In my head that was also what was frightening the Beijing commuters.😀

The knickers were given privately in the hotel room for the birthday, thank goodness. It was enough of a spectacle that he was down on one knee in the Beijing underground.

There's probably a recognition in his mind that it's the end of his life as he knows it and probably doesn't want to do it.

His heart is not in it at all and to continue or to expect him to suddenly be enthusiastic is not going to happen.

Break up and move on.

Buy the ring, do a fancy proposal, presume go away or have a decent meal.

It ain't a cheap exercise...

Oh bloody Nora

Give over

It's one day one question it's not an Instagram story

You married the man FFS give it a rest

get a grip!

he asked you to marry him on a whim, that is way more romantic than some stupid staged stunt.

you are MARRIED and still stressing that the proposal wasn't a production?

Christ. poor dude.

She didn't "come in fierce" though did she? She came in completely polite and then was absolutely berated, mocked and invalidated in a pile on by posters. It was all faux naivety over what 'decor' could possibly have meant, sympathy for her DH, calling her a Disney princess etc much like the rest of this thread actually!

I'd like to know how expecting your partner to make an effort for a proposal is any different to expecting your partner to make an effort for your birthday. If OP posted on here saying "it's my birthday today and DH said happy birthday in the lounge and that was it! No flowers, balloons, plans for the day, not even a cup of tea or breakfast!" posters would be up in arms telling her to LTB, if he wanted to he would etc.

But for some reason, because it's about a proposal she's stupid, self indulgent, chavvy, a princess, immature, her marriage will fail etc and there is a consistent and mocking assumption that she only cares because she wants to post about it on Instagram.

The problem isn't that he proposed in the living room. That's perfectly acceptable for some couples. The problem is that he proposed in the living room when he knew it would mean a lot to her to make it special. He put in the very bare minimum of a proposal which is asking the bloody question.

We married and all have his name 😆

A birthday is a nice, minor celebration which comes around every year.

A decision to marry someone is a serious relational, legal and economic decision which can have a lasting impact, for good or ill, on the lives of two people (and their children, if they have children together or separately) . To compare the two makes no sense. Marriage should be decided on by two people, not according to some dimwit ‘surprise’ tradition. And if the two people have already decided to commit to one another, why retrofit fake ‘surprise’?

Oh FFS!

It's nothing to do with being cheap, I didn't mention money, it's not a factor in my issue, why did you think it was? Id just have myself all worked up in a state of nerves and a big planned event involving decor etc would send me off the edge lol

I have seen numerous staged proposals on stages at theatres, concerts, Disneyworld,Seaworld etc. I find them all very cringey and think something so personal should be private.

Yes and isnt it interesting that all of these proposals get filmed by third parties to be put onto SM and that both parties look completely perfect......

Its not about committing to marriage but committing to a business deal.

I was proposed to in a psychiatric hospital when visiting my now husband. with a "I think we should probably get married."
not exactly romantic, but still perfect. he got me to bring him in a notebook for wedding planning (all that ever got written in it was "buy suit. write speech")
but it gave him something to look ahead to. when he was well enough to come home we chose my ring together, and had to have it resized. he secretly collected it, and presented it to me inside a kinder egg. which I think was adorable. it was a bit smooshed from being in his coat pocket, but not to the extent I would have assumed he'd already sneaked it open and replaced the toy with the ring. he's always bought me kinder eggs when he thought I needed cheering up, so it was rather adorable.

This feels like the outcome of all these parents that make any event (Halloween, Xmas Eve, first day of school, etc) like some flipping performance with balloon arches, special boxes packed with tat and outfits etc, kids that grow up spoilt and expecting showy fanfare/ perceived ‘special effort’ when they do anything.

No wonder poor fella was nervous, sounds like he was worried you’d say no because he had got the proposal ‘wrong’

Deeply bizarre to still be mardy about it a year on and after the wedding. FWP much

My husband makes an effort every single day for me, as I do for him. He's deeply considerate, supportive, sweet, creative and always has my back. I try to be the same for him.
That's what counts.
My 'bar' is not low, I would hate for him to have thought he was under pressure to produce some clichéd Hallmark-style proposal. Instead, he asked 'do you think we should get married' one day when we were walking beside the sea. He knew that if I wanted a ring we could choose it together.
OP, you should count yourself lucky if you love one another and you certainly shouldn't even think about the proposal in terms of underwhelming or disappointing if you're happy about being married.

Marriage is not about a proposal, it's not about a big flamboyant wedding. It's about two people who make a commitment to spend their lives together. It's about a shared vision of a life together. It's about all the days and years you spend together after the wedding, how you support and love each other and weather the storms that life throws at you.
For me personally, it's fine to sit down together at home and say "How do you feel about getting married?". It's such a big and serious commitment that it needs a serious conversation - not decor and balloons and Instagram photos.
It's also fine if you do enjoy big, romantic proposals. We're all different. However, it's done now and you say you have a good marriage so I don't really see why you're dwelling on the proposal. Just carry on enjoying married life and looking forward.

I’ll never understand this obsession with proposals or weddings. My ideal proposal would have been as we were drifting off to sleep together in bed (I stole it off 50 First Dates 🤣) but my husband hiked me up Beaston Castle at 8 months pregnant and did it there, it was lovely. We got married in New York just us and our daughter then went back to the hotel for a nap.

Is your marriage happy, is he a good man that you trust? Because that’s what matters and you know that.

Not everything has to be to Instagram standards to be acceptable/good/worthwhile. My DH proposed at home 2 days after my 40th birthday with just us and his son. He could have done it at the huge birthday party I had, but, quite sensibly, opted for a quiet affair for just the three of us with no fanfare that meant so much more!

Wow… OP just keep going with her indignation that as a Princess that she is - she was supposed to have gotten some instagramable proposal SHE had in her mind…
Poor H. He is up for years of failing to live up to her standards of what he should do - for important dates and life milestones. IF her expectations end there, that is.
Nice wedding and a year of marriage - but no. That is not enough…

Wondering how ling this relationship will last - or maybe, hopefully (?) the H wakes up to realise what sort of entitled and spoiled person he married..

There is a danger here of series disappointment about the birth of her first child. It might not be probably won’t be) the perfect as planned Labour and birth experience and she might feel stressed and even a bit depressed afterwards 😱