Husband said angrily, I dressed like a whore.

[Emmz35]

I could really use some advice on how to handle a situation with my husband.

Last night, my husband told me he wanted to take me out for dinner, which I was really excited about. I've been feeling a bit down lately, so I was looking forward to this. I chose an outfit I thought he'd like – a sleeveless blazer with trousers and a corset top underneath. It was a classy look, and while the corset peeked out a little, I felt it was elegant and not too revealing.

When my husband saw me, he didn’t say anything at first, which made me self-conscious, so I asked him what he thought. He eventually said the outfit was “inappropriate” and, after some back and forth, raised his voice and said 'you are dressed like a whore” during an argument. This really hurt me. I’ve worn sexier outfits around him before without issue. He’s also made comments in the past about not wanting me to wear certain things because he doesn’t want other men looking at me. His reaction was harsh.

I feel embarrassed and deeply hurt by his words, especially since I’ve been struggling emotionally recently. He knows how I like to dress and how much I love him, and I never thought my outfit would trigger this kind of response. He’s generally a loving, caring husband who wants to make me happy, but this situation has left me feeling insecure and confused.

How do I approach this? I know he’ll apologize, but how do I move forward when I want to express myself through my clothing without worrying about him feeling disrespected? I don’t think I was in the wrong, but I also don’t want this to keep happening. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Below is a picture off of Google to show an image similar to what I was wearing. The colouring in black is to show what was covered, just a peep of my corset and I have smaller boob's so there was no cleavage and the corset was much higher then this females corset top so less chest was on show.

He was very wide eyes, stating that 'you dress respectable around family, why can't you respect your husband'. He isn't a religious person and he knows how I dress when he met me. He is okay when it suits him going to different places when I wear something much more revealing then this.

You look Amazing!

It's not the op!

I would not put up with someone who is supposed to love me telling me I dressed like a whore.

Has this come out of nowhere OP? Is he controlling in other ways? Does he often call you names?

He is very firmly in the wrong, and my guess is this isn’t the first time he has behaved this way.

He sounds like a controlling arse. I would not tolerate someone being so rude, let alone the man I married.

Sorry my bad I didn’t read full thread

a sleeveless blazer with trousers and a corset top underneath. It was a classy look, and while the corset peeked out a little, I felt it was elegant and not too revealing.
Honestly to me it doesn’t sound classy or elegant to have a corset show, it only sounds dressy and sexy, especially if it was lace like the photo. But that’s just personal opinion and it’s perfectly fine to look like that if that’s what you like!! Him calling you a whore is out of order.

Have you even read the OP?

OP, is this the kind of thing you normally wear and he is used to seeing you in? Sounds like a strange reaction!

No I didn’t read full thread my bad sorry.

If this has come out of nowhere I wouldn’t rule out him being up to something himself! Guilty people accuse others of what they are doing.

No need to read the full thread, just the op!

He has called me whore before when it comes to clothing. He usually remains quiet if he doesn't like my clothing and whne we are out we tens to have a good time and all is forgotten. He would rather not hurt my feelings and say he doesn't like my outfit which I get. Yesterday he remained quiet when he saw my outfit and after said come on let's gobwe will be late. I asked him if he liked what I wore, he said its inappropriate I then said I want to change I feel silly you didn't compliment me either, he said no don't get changed we have to go. It then became a whole thing where he said I dressed like a whore as it got heated.

It’s not a ‘classy’ look. But you should be able to wear what you want without your DH making nasty comments. Does he use the word ‘whore’ often? That’s quite a loaded word that says quite a lot about his sexist and misogynistic worldview.

I can't really make out what is going on on that photo with the black scribbles on it @Emmz35 Or what the woman is wearing. The black scribbles cover lots of it.

But yeah, obviously your DH is a nasty pig saying what he did to you!

That’s what I meant . Sorry my thoughts were elsewhere worrying about something else .

This is appalling. What a disgusting thing to say. Surely he must have form for this type of thing? It's not the type of attitude/way of speaking that just bursts out of nowhere.

He doesn't want other men looking at you? Does he want you to wear a niqab coupled with a balaclava? Never leave the fucking house? Have no friends or social life?

He sounds dreadful and I couldn't ever continue to be with someone like this.

Doesnt matter what you are wearing, any husband who speaks to his wife like that is a cunt.

@LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway the op was wearing a jacket that meant that the corset she was wearing was barely visible.

I wouldn't tolerate being spoken to like that, sorry.

He thinks he is your moral guardian, and can dictate how you dress, and insist you cover yourself up so you don't attract the gaze of other men.

I mentioned in the post that the black is where I was all covered, just slight chest showing my corset top was much higher on my chest then hers. I wore nothing revealing at all and I feel he just didnt like the lace print peaking through which was not see through at all. It's just, I have worn corset tops before and he had loved it. I'm not sure why he reacted this way. I am not ready to talk to him but I just feel so put off by him.

I would think long and hard about this man and whether you want to remain with him.

He really does think that you wearing something similar will have men looking at you or for you to run off with another man.

He wants to keep you in a cage of his own paranoid making. His attempt at wanting power and control (and his comments are what its all about) over you has not come out of nowhere and again this is repeated behaviour from him.

He does not give a jot about upsetting you and your feelings and he is imposing his own issues re clothing onto you. Reading "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft could help you.

I dressed in something I thought he'd like got me. Dress for yourself. If he likes it brilliant if he doesn't he needs to respect your choices. If he doesn't you are in a controlling relationship. He is controlling you with his words. My reply would have been that's a shame as I feel great and move on. If he told me to change or refused to honour with me that's end game really. No grown adult should dictate what another can wear they can express an opinion but it should be in a respectful way.

Personally, I don't see the issue, with the way you were dressed. You chose trousers with the corset top and had a blazer over the top. It's not as if you were wearing a low cut corset top and a skirt showing your ass - that then may have been deemed inappropriate. Is this the first time he's expressed a dislike in the way you dress? You shouldn't have to change the way you dress to please someone else! How old are you? Does he think you're 'too old' to wear a corset top?! Does he think because you're a Mum, that you must dress a certain way?! If a woman is attractive, other men will look regardless if she's wearing a pair of skinny jeans or a mini skirt! You can't control other men's reaction to you! Plus you're with him, you love him and married him, it doesn't matter who looks, it doesn't mean you're going to run off with them!! I think you need a serious, calm discussion with your husband and try and get to the root cause of his insecurities. You need to tell him categorically that you are your own person, and will not have anyone dictate to you what you can or can't wear or be spoken to in such a nasty way.

Using the term 'whore' is completely unacceptable. It's beyond a red flag, it is behaviour that is shaming and controlling.

How do I approach this? I think consider ending it. His attitude is incompatible with modern society.