Husband said angrily, I dressed like a whore.

[Emmz35]

I could really use some advice on how to handle a situation with my husband.

Last night, my husband told me he wanted to take me out for dinner, which I was really excited about. I've been feeling a bit down lately, so I was looking forward to this. I chose an outfit I thought he'd like – a sleeveless blazer with trousers and a corset top underneath. It was a classy look, and while the corset peeked out a little, I felt it was elegant and not too revealing.

When my husband saw me, he didn’t say anything at first, which made me self-conscious, so I asked him what he thought. He eventually said the outfit was “inappropriate” and, after some back and forth, raised his voice and said 'you are dressed like a whore” during an argument. This really hurt me. I’ve worn sexier outfits around him before without issue. He’s also made comments in the past about not wanting me to wear certain things because he doesn’t want other men looking at me. His reaction was harsh.

I feel embarrassed and deeply hurt by his words, especially since I’ve been struggling emotionally recently. He knows how I like to dress and how much I love him, and I never thought my outfit would trigger this kind of response. He’s generally a loving, caring husband who wants to make me happy, but this situation has left me feeling insecure and confused.

How do I approach this? I know he’ll apologize, but how do I move forward when I want to express myself through my clothing without worrying about him feeling disrespected? I don’t think I was in the wrong, but I also don’t want this to keep happening. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Below is a picture off of Google to show an image similar to what I was wearing. The colouring in black is to show what was covered, just a peep of my corset and I have smaller boob's so there was no cleavage and the corset was much higher then this females corset top so less chest was on show.

He was very wide eyes, stating that 'you dress respectable around family, why can't you respect your husband'. He isn't a religious person and he knows how I dress when he met me. He is okay when it suits him going to different places when I wear something much more revealing then this.

He's a pig! A disgusting comment, not to mention he's highly controlling. Women have boobs, asses, legs, God forbid they may show a bit! 🙄 I was once with a man who tried to control what I wore, I ended up losing a big part of myself and had to re-establish my style when I eventually broke up with him!

I chose an outfit I thought he'd like... don't do this again, for any person! Dress in something you like yourself in!

It doesn’t sound ‘classy’, but you should be able to wear what you like without your husband calling you names.

He’s entitled to say he doesn’t like your outfit, (I often do to my husband who’s a bit clueless) but he could do it in a nicer way.

He doesn't sound like a 'kind and caring' husband at all. Keeping quiet when he doesn't like your clothes is called passive aggressive, it's not a kindness.

Even if what you were wearing was inappropriate (it wasn’t) there are ways of saying so respectfully and kindly.

this wasn’t about the outfit. He wanted to hurt you and he’s clearly got some very deep rooted misogyny going on here. I would carefully be considering what else is going on in this relationship. Quite frankly, someone calling me a whore or saying I dressed like one would be the beginning of the end for me.

He's not a loving and caring husband who tries to make you happy.
In fact, this resonated a bit with how my abusive pig of a father sometimes behaved. Fortunately I have healed now and he's been dead for 15 years.
My husband would never react like this.
Please think about that.

Is he of a different culture?
Regardless, his behaviour is completely unacceptable.

He's jealous of how good you look, he is probably thinking you look that good and maybe he doesn't. You look fab by the way.

This sort of behaviour would be a dealbreaker for me sorry, you should have a serious think about leaving him.
He's not going to change

Does he consider he has an obligation to regulate your morality like religious or ethnic rules for instance?

For the comment:

”Why can’t you respect your husband?”

I would leave him. That is a disgracefully abusive and controlling thing to say.

I wouldn’t get too hung up on the details of your outfit. We don’t need to judge what you wore at all. I would, however, think carefully about whether it would be appropriate to have a future with a man like this. He has shown himself to be jealous and controlling.

Thank you so much for your time.

So we have been out before to where he doesn't show a reaction to my clothing I then would feel a little low because ofcourse I felt great with what I wore, but I also wanted to impress him. I know he doesn't like certain clothing items as he feels its revealing. Fine I get that. Things escalated last night to where he got angry and first remained silent as he usually does but he got angry and said I dressed like a whore. He has called me whore before in arguments and issues around clothing has come up many times.

We have also had discussions and he shows he understand and apologises but then this happended last night.

the corset was much higher then this females corset top

Interesting.

@Emmz35 you said

“He has called me whore before when it comes to clothing”

He sounds bloody awful. I’d be dressing exactly as I wished, telling him to fuck off back to puritanical times & seeing a solicitor.

Dress how you want. He’s a controlling shit.

The fact you’ve stated that he has called you a whore before this exchange is absolutely alarming and it’s verbal abuse and a giant red flag. Complete deal breaker id leave him 100%

He has called me whore before in arguments and issues around clothing has come up many times

What a Prince amongst men he truly is 🤮

I certainly would NOT want to impress a man like this

I'd want to leave him very very fast and never look back

Utter twat 🙄

As for this - presumably from a female poster: It's not as if you were wearing a low cut corset top and a skirt showing your ass fuck that.

The word whore is unacceptable whatever was worn.

As is the 'respect your husband' nonsense.

Well it doesn't sound like a classy outfit but it's your right to dress as you want.

I really don't understand why you asked him what he thought: if it was obvious by his demeanor he wasn't impressed why ask? Either he has to lie and say " yes you look great " or tell you what he really thinks and upset you.
You should have every right to wear what you like and he has the right to not like what you wear. He has no right to control what you wear but really why ask his opinion?

"Respect your husband"? Who?
How about respecting yourself and walking away from the piece of 💩.

Indeed

This is his problem, not yours. You have the right to dress as you wish, and not he called awful names or dress in a way you're uncomfortable with. I'd say exactly the same if a woman who dressed very conservatively was being bullied - because silent treatment and name calling IS bullying - by her DH to dress differently, to suit him.

Ime this will get worse - if you give in, he'll ramp it up and - as happened to a close female family member - you'll reach the point where you can't sneeze without wondering how he'll react or if he'll approve.
Have a serious think about how you want your life to be OP.

'Why can't you respect your husband'
🤢🤮

The second they start using 'respect' in contexts like this, they are telling you they hate women. That they see you as beneath them.

Run. Rund fast and run far.
He's been drinking the Incel coolade. It only gets worse from here.

Even before you described your outfit, you said ' I chose an outfit I'd thought he like ' . What about what you like, and feel comfortable in? You must he walking on eggshells in this relationship OP. It's not healthy when your partner thinks it's acceptable to call you a whore, no matter what you wear. He sounds awful.

Op, I have read many threads along these lines and often it is later discovered that the accusations is actually a projection of what the acuser is doing themselves.

How long has he been calling you names, has he been acting out in any other way?

From what you say about previous incidents, you DH is concerned about other men looking at you, presumably because he's worried about you cheating? He doesn't trust or respect you. Possibly this is because he has strayed or considered straying himself. Just something to keep an eye out for.

But yes as pp say, it's not a good and equal relationship if one half is calling the other such derogatory and sexist terms.

He's a cunt. Simple as that.

Get the hell away from him before he tramples you completely.