Husband said angrily, I dressed like a whore.

[Emmz35]

I could really use some advice on how to handle a situation with my husband.

Last night, my husband told me he wanted to take me out for dinner, which I was really excited about. I've been feeling a bit down lately, so I was looking forward to this. I chose an outfit I thought he'd like – a sleeveless blazer with trousers and a corset top underneath. It was a classy look, and while the corset peeked out a little, I felt it was elegant and not too revealing.

When my husband saw me, he didn’t say anything at first, which made me self-conscious, so I asked him what he thought. He eventually said the outfit was “inappropriate” and, after some back and forth, raised his voice and said 'you are dressed like a whore” during an argument. This really hurt me. I’ve worn sexier outfits around him before without issue. He’s also made comments in the past about not wanting me to wear certain things because he doesn’t want other men looking at me. His reaction was harsh.

I feel embarrassed and deeply hurt by his words, especially since I’ve been struggling emotionally recently. He knows how I like to dress and how much I love him, and I never thought my outfit would trigger this kind of response. He’s generally a loving, caring husband who wants to make me happy, but this situation has left me feeling insecure and confused.

How do I approach this? I know he’ll apologize, but how do I move forward when I want to express myself through my clothing without worrying about him feeling disrespected? I don’t think I was in the wrong, but I also don’t want this to keep happening. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Below is a picture off of Google to show an image similar to what I was wearing. The colouring in black is to show what was covered, just a peep of my corset and I have smaller boob's so there was no cleavage and the corset was much higher then this females corset top so less chest was on show.

He was very wide eyes, stating that 'you dress respectable around family, why can't you respect your husband'. He isn't a religious person and he knows how I dress when he met me. He is okay when it suits him going to different places when I wear something much more revealing then this.

You can't stay with a man that talks to you like this. Absolutely awful.

There's so many nasty comments from women on here who are clearly either jealous and lacking the confidence to wear anything like that or are awfully repressed with nasty out dated opinions.

Op is here about a man calling her names, not to get fashion advice from people who presumably have wardrobes filled with knitwear, wellies, things labelled as 'breathable' and a couple of tired out dated, ill fitting, maxi dresses for their once a year outing to their sisters in laws barbecue. 🤮

It looks absolutely awful but it was still unkind of him to use these words.

Why do you feel you need to dress to impress him? Why are you with him? What makes you think this kind of behaviour is at all acceptable?

If a man called me a whore that would be it, done

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

"He was very wide eyes, stating that 'you dress respectable around family, why can't you respect your husband'. He isn't a religious person and he knows how I dress when he met me. He is okay when it suits him going to different places when I wear something much more revealing then this."
You say he isn't a religious person - OK. But what is his cultural religion? (For example, I personally am an atheist, but my cultural religion is Church of Scotland.) Is it a religion where the woman is second-class? Expected to 'obey' her husband?

Because using the word 'whore' in relation to your wife is - well, I can only think of two routes to that. One is through it being a cultural/religious norm to look down on women, the other is through the use of pornography. Which is it most likely to be, @Emmz35? Because how I'd approach his behaviour would depend on where he's getting his disrespect for his wife from.

"He has called me whore before in arguments and issues around clothing has come up many times."
Can you not see how massively he disrespects you? Repeatedly. And I don't think he's going to change, because there doesn't seem to be a downside for him here. He doesn't care that this behaviour hurts you. He might even enjoy the sense of power it gives him.

Serious question - why do you stay with your abusive husband? What binds you to him?

Apologies if this has been asked but does background/religion have anything to do with this? (And not using this as any justification whatsoever as that shouldn't matter, no one should call you a whore)...however reason I ask is some men in my experience due to religious/cultural pressures are increasingly behaving this way.

He is no religious at all. I feel for him his issue is other looking at me.

I would not allow anyone to speak to me like that, ever. I would pack my bags (including corset) and leave and I certainly would not have gone out for dinner with him.

Ofcourse. And that did make me giggle (including the corset). What can you do, I can't cry all day so a little giggle was what I needed. I didn't go out to dinner with him. It is just harder, we are married living together. Other then last night we have a great relationship and I know it's hard to understand but I still feel torn as it has hurt me deeply considering he knows not to say these things.

The word that stands out for me in all of this is respect

Whenever this word gets bandied about as a male entitlement, it’s always a red flag. It’s never normal.

The clothes are a red herring - lots of couples can have the conversation about their dislike of their partners clothes without it being problematic.

Calling you a whore indicates a profound disrespect of you, and all women (particularly those unfortunate enough to be trapped in the sex industry)

And anyone who believes that other people exist as stylish lifestyle accessories, probably lacks the understand that they are actual people, real human beings.

And men who require respect ….sigh. It doesn’t even cross the mind of a man who respects himself that he might be unmanned by a nearby female failing to toe the line.

Do you have dc with him?

Whilst I disagree that the look was classy, ur husband was way out of order. This needs to stop. He is an arse.

Other than last night, we have a great relationship

I wouldn't call your relationship great

And if you're happy with the way he treats you and speaks to you.....why start this thread?

@Anotherparkingthread a lot of them are men.

Why are you married to a man who has no respect for you?

Some different opinions and advice on approaching this as I am currently feeling not too great as he had in the past called me this before.

Sounds like you have a great relationship until you do anything he doesn’t like.

Your husband has no business speaking to you in this way. He‘s an arse. And his reaction to your clothes speaks volumes about what goes on in his mind, nobody else’s.

I think if I was wearing something revealing, my husband would comment, but he would say it in a jokey way. I really don't think you would ever call me a whore. I think that's a really horrible way to speak to your wife.

Other then last night we have a great relationship and I know it's hard to understand but I still feel torn as it has hurt me deeply considering he knows not to say these things

No, no, no, you do not have a great relationship. You go on to say he has called you a whore before. You then say you feel for him.

I think you capitulate to him a lot. Your tone and responses tell me you are hurt, but won't do anything about it.

I would leave anyone who called me a whore.

Other then last night we have a great relationship

But that's not true, is it? He's said this to you before, several times.

No decent man calls his wife names.

Do you have children together? Do you have somewhere you could go to if you left him?

Yeah wouldn't call that classy at all, but you do you

We all have those kind of days when your mind is elsewhere. At first glance I thought it was the OP as well.😄

Like this you mean with a corset underneath?

How can you possibly think you have a good relationship?

Whether or not the outfit isn't great both is and isn't relevant.

The outfit is irrelevant because no halfway decent person should think it's acceptable to think that way. Outside of a theatre or film where it is contextually relevant I can't recall ever hearing anyone in real life using it about anyone. It's an appalling thing to say.

The outfit is relevant because I'm not entirely clear whether you think it might be an appropriate term to use about a more revealing outfit, but it wasn't appropriate here because you think your outfit wasn't revealing enough to deserve it.