Husband said angrily, I dressed like a whore.

[Emmz35]

I could really use some advice on how to handle a situation with my husband.

Last night, my husband told me he wanted to take me out for dinner, which I was really excited about. I've been feeling a bit down lately, so I was looking forward to this. I chose an outfit I thought he'd like – a sleeveless blazer with trousers and a corset top underneath. It was a classy look, and while the corset peeked out a little, I felt it was elegant and not too revealing.

When my husband saw me, he didn’t say anything at first, which made me self-conscious, so I asked him what he thought. He eventually said the outfit was “inappropriate” and, after some back and forth, raised his voice and said 'you are dressed like a whore” during an argument. This really hurt me. I’ve worn sexier outfits around him before without issue. He’s also made comments in the past about not wanting me to wear certain things because he doesn’t want other men looking at me. His reaction was harsh.

I feel embarrassed and deeply hurt by his words, especially since I’ve been struggling emotionally recently. He knows how I like to dress and how much I love him, and I never thought my outfit would trigger this kind of response. He’s generally a loving, caring husband who wants to make me happy, but this situation has left me feeling insecure and confused.

How do I approach this? I know he’ll apologize, but how do I move forward when I want to express myself through my clothing without worrying about him feeling disrespected? I don’t think I was in the wrong, but I also don’t want this to keep happening. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Below is a picture off of Google to show an image similar to what I was wearing. The colouring in black is to show what was covered, just a peep of my corset and I have smaller boob's so there was no cleavage and the corset was much higher then this females corset top so less chest was on show.

He was very wide eyes, stating that 'you dress respectable around family, why can't you respect your husband'. He isn't a religious person and he knows how I dress when he met me. He is okay when it suits him going to different places when I wear something much more revealing then this.

I’m trying to take my mind off things as going through a difficult time . 2024 is definitely not my year . Separation after 15 years , mental heath issues , cancer and being paralysed from cancer treatment and now on Tuesday homelessness. So my mind wasn’t 100% on ops post . I’ll make sure I concentrate more when reading in future x

Other than last night, we have a great relationship

You really don't OP. If my DH called me a whore it would so out of character I'd think he'd gone stark raving mad!!

I think when you're in this type of relationship you don't realise how far off the path of 'normal' it has drifted. A good relationship isn't peppered with misogynistic slurs, it just isn't.

I can’t imagine my DH calling me a whore, or indeed expressing anything other than approval for how I choose to dress — although he does perpetually worry that I’ll be cold!

If he ever had spoken to me the way your husband spoke to you I wouldn’t be with him. I just wouldn’t.

@Emmz35 sorry but what is a sleeveless blazer???

of course it hurt…it’s absolutely disgusting for a husband to call his wife a whore. Do you have DC?

He should bugger off to Afghanistan.

This^^^

When someone behaves abusively, apologises, but repeats the behaviour again and again, they are not showing (nor do they have) remorse.

It's actually manipulative. If he causes you to feel bad about how you dress, then you'll try harder to meet his unreasonable needs.

But the problem is not you, it's him. So if he apologises, he needs to show that he understands the effect on you and why he should not have said what he has said. He especially needs to show you what he's going to do to improve himself so that you can trust him not to do the same thing again. Making trite comments like he knows he needs to work on himself are not what's required (just warning you in case he tries this), he needs to get counselling to see what is making him behave this way. The word "sorry" isn't enough.

If he doesn't make efforts, then I think you need to consider your options. As things stand this man doesn't have respect for you, and that's no way to live.

What is with the focus on what OP was wearing?

She could have been wearing some dental floss and it still wouldn't warrant what her H called her.

Presumably a blazer without sleeves….🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

No children.

That outfit is fab !! He is trying to control you and can't handle of other men look at his wife .

That's a shame. It seems like you were wearing it for him? To look beautiful for him. Can't he see that ?

Oh lovey, he's not a good or loving husband. Mine would never say that to me, if he did it would only be the once and his bags would be packed. You are entitled to wear whatever you like without murmur, as is he. Have you considered counselling to help your self confidence?

This is a sleeveless blazer

I can't imagine my husband, or pretty much any man I know, calling any woman a whore, no matter what they were wearing.

I know! All the comments about not being classy etc….not really helpful or bloody relevant.

Well for that comment I'd buy myself the most "Whore"ish clothing I could find and go out regularly with the girls without him.

Fuck any man telling me I look like a whole, but especially my own husband!

I was being facetious and answering the PP. I think it’s pretty obvious what a sleeveless blazer is. Not that it’s relevant to what is really going on with the OP.

I would not wear that kind of corset. It looks too much like an underwear although I appreciate it might look less revealing on small breats.
However, there is no excuse for him being nasty and controlling. It seems like you posted to find out if there is justification for his reaction but there never is. He should not speak to you like that.

How you dress, should be up to you.

His reaction to how you dress, says more about him and his attitude to women than anything else. For me, it would be a huge red flag. He needs to be educated on how to react, respect and appreciate the women he is with.

The naughty part of me would be tempted to buy a "I'm with stupid" Tshirt and wear it out on the next date.

Quite.

He obviously favours the kind of approach in Saudi and the like, but perhaps ought to be reminded that we don't live there.

Me neither. Who does he think he is?

OP it doesn"t matter what you were wearing.

The key point is that no man has the right to tell any woman what they can and cannot wear - ever.

Nor do they have the right to insult a person they are supposed to love.

He's a controlling arsehole and a fully paid up member of the men are in charge club. Don't try and 'please' him. It will never work as he will only respect you less. There is no future in appeasement. Stand up for yourself.