Husband said angrily, I dressed like a whore.

[Emmz35]

I could really use some advice on how to handle a situation with my husband.

Last night, my husband told me he wanted to take me out for dinner, which I was really excited about. I've been feeling a bit down lately, so I was looking forward to this. I chose an outfit I thought he'd like – a sleeveless blazer with trousers and a corset top underneath. It was a classy look, and while the corset peeked out a little, I felt it was elegant and not too revealing.

When my husband saw me, he didn’t say anything at first, which made me self-conscious, so I asked him what he thought. He eventually said the outfit was “inappropriate” and, after some back and forth, raised his voice and said 'you are dressed like a whore” during an argument. This really hurt me. I’ve worn sexier outfits around him before without issue. He’s also made comments in the past about not wanting me to wear certain things because he doesn’t want other men looking at me. His reaction was harsh.

I feel embarrassed and deeply hurt by his words, especially since I’ve been struggling emotionally recently. He knows how I like to dress and how much I love him, and I never thought my outfit would trigger this kind of response. He’s generally a loving, caring husband who wants to make me happy, but this situation has left me feeling insecure and confused.

How do I approach this? I know he’ll apologize, but how do I move forward when I want to express myself through my clothing without worrying about him feeling disrespected? I don’t think I was in the wrong, but I also don’t want this to keep happening. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Below is a picture off of Google to show an image similar to what I was wearing. The colouring in black is to show what was covered, just a peep of my corset and I have smaller boob's so there was no cleavage and the corset was much higher then this females corset top so less chest was on show.

He was very wide eyes, stating that 'you dress respectable around family, why can't you respect your husband'. He isn't a religious person and he knows how I dress when he met me. He is okay when it suits him going to different places when I wear something much more revealing then this.

He knows it hurts, which is why he said it.

He will apologise, because he's done that before, but he will also call you a whore again when it suits him, because he's also done that before.

There isn't much any of us can say, because unfortunately this is how he is. He's already shown he won't change, because you've told him previously that it's hurtful but he chooses to keep doing it.

I'm sorry.

I hope you don't have any daughters with this misogynist arsehole.

The clothing is neither here nor there, you could be walking around in a bin liner, he can't call you a whore and get away with it - you've let it go several times and seem to think now that if we all have a look at the outfit everything will become clear as to why you stay with him.

What are you going to do?

If any man used that word to me, he wouldn't be in my life for much longer!

It's a disgusting thing to say. Fair enough he didn't like your outfit, but there's absolutely no need to call you a whore 😡

The issue is actually that he thinks like a pimp. That is his issue not yours.

Your husband is absolutely vile.

That you allow him to speak to you like that and continue to be with him indicates you are very vulnerable and lack self respect and esteem.
Your relationship bar is on the floor.

Please contact Women's aid and do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk while you sort out legal advice to divorce this abusive arsehole.

It’s projection. He doesn’t want other men to look at you the way he looks at other women.

And/or, he thinks the way you dress reflects badly on him because he sees you as his possession. And, again, that’s to do with how he thinks and imagines other men think.

This is an absolute red line for me and we would be over. No man who would speak to me like that or even think it deserves to be in my life.

No exceptions.

Aside from the fact that what you describe is a perfectly "normal" outfit, it is irrelevant, because it absolutely isn't for him to tell you what to wear!! So you don't need to justify yourself re this at all.

You need to have a serious conversation with him - never mind a blanket apology - to understand what is going on in his mind. Why is he so hung up on your clothes? What does he expect of you? Why does he think it's appropriate to tell you how to dress? Only once you know his reasoning, can you unpack the issue, work through it, and hopefully he can properly apologise and you can move on as a couple. If you don't get to the root of the problem, you will keep having the argument, and I expect his pernicious attitude will leak into other areas of your relationship, if it hasn't already x

Thank you so much for this

Why are you with a man who disrespects you?

Dump him.

Did he call you a whore, or did he say you were dressed like a whore?

You said he is normally loving and caring. I'm quite conservative and corsets remind me of underwear. They give a certain vibe and send a certain message out (That's my opinion and I'm allowed to have it). Maybe he's just very uncomfortable with you wearing what you deem as innocent but what he deems as 'red light district'. I think the issue is just with the corset (which many people view as a bedroom item). Some people view it as merely a fashion item.

' I chose an outfit I thought he'd like '
is the first mistake - you dress for yourself, then you dress for the weather and where you are going / what you are going to be doing

however a corset is neither classy nor elegant

but he should not be saying he thinks/believes you look like / dress like a whore - he needs to keep these thoughts to himself.

however he didn't say it right away, he did keep quiet, but you felt self conscious - why did you need compliments every time you get dressed or did you know deep down he didn't wouldn't like it
then you asked and he said he thought it was inappropriate

' I then said I want to change I feel silly you didn't compliment me either, '
does he always compliment you ?

'and, after some back and forth,' this then escalated into an argument -
by this time you had the opportunity to either say you were wearing what you were wearing and make towards the front door to go out / get changed into something else / get changed into your pj's as it's clear dinner out wasn't going to be enjoyable

he then lost his temper, raised his voice and called you a whore.

and you admit he has called you one before, so clearly tho you want to wear clothes he will like, he clearly doesn't like some of your clothes but he will still step out the front door with you.

how do you think you can express yourself through your clothing without worrying about him feeling disrespected?

what exactly is it about yourself that you are trying to express ?

did you still go out for dinner ?

Do continue @WhichEllie ....

You are implying? (I think we all know, but you can't just leave it at "interesting")

No one should call anyone a whore, least of all your husband and when he's taking you out to cheer you up when you're feeling down. It's utterly disrespectful and honestly from the description of your outfit it sounds like an outrageous response.

I never say ltb but honestly ltb.

I wouldn't bother with a man who thought he he had autonomy over me. I'm not a doll I can dress myself.

I wouldn't bother with a man who had such a fragile ego he thought he could be disrespected by an item of clothing.

I wouldn't bother with a man who spoke to me like that.

Franky what you wore is irrelevant. He is controlling and sexist.

What decade has he just stepped out from. Horrible language to use on you OP. I’m quite a conservative dresser nowadays but I would have worn something like that in my younger days. Unless the corset was see through it’s hardly Kim Kardashian territory.

I couldn’t have gone out with him after that, I’d be hoping he’d choke on his dinner.

I don’t think I could stay with a man who spoke like that to me.

This is just a comment OP. When I was a bit younger I did have a set of tarty clothes, it was a fashion for me. Too much leg, too much cleavage. But I also had a more conventional style for most occasions.

Do you sometimes dress a bit close to the edge? Has he taken this as you winding him up?
Let me say calling you a whore is W R O N G.

If you really want opinions, it's not a classy look at all. It's awful.

Saying that, it absolutely doesn't make it right for your husband to call you a whore.

The outfit sounds nice. But also if you were wearing a mini dress and thigh high patent boots you shouldn’t be spoken to like that by your husband.

i really hope you don't have a daughter with this man, or even a son for that matter.

You're too focused on the clothing, not focused enough on his disgusting and unacceptable behaviour.

I’m struggling to comprehend why you’d stay with a man who calls you a whore. There is something very wrong in your marriage, you trying to dress to impress and him calling you a whore.

on a separate note, you clearly looked great, and it was his jealous streak. He didn’t want amy man looking at you.

he’s a jealous insecure abusive freak.

I wouldn't stay married to that. He sounds fucking awful. Men throwing the word whore around like a lot of them aren't visiting sexworkers behind their wives' backs.

You're not his to control, you need to put your foot down and get him told.

This is wrong on so many levels. He is entitled to make an observation but from your description you sounded like you were appropriately dressed.
Even if she was inappropriately dressed the way someone either who loved someone or who had it together would say it would be ‘eh you wearing that? Do you definitely want to? Would you rather wear x ?’ or just say nothing, the same way you would if you were gf to a christening and your dh was wearing eg shorts and runners or something!!!