Husband said angrily, I dressed like a whore.

[Emmz35]

I could really use some advice on how to handle a situation with my husband.

Last night, my husband told me he wanted to take me out for dinner, which I was really excited about. I've been feeling a bit down lately, so I was looking forward to this. I chose an outfit I thought he'd like – a sleeveless blazer with trousers and a corset top underneath. It was a classy look, and while the corset peeked out a little, I felt it was elegant and not too revealing.

When my husband saw me, he didn’t say anything at first, which made me self-conscious, so I asked him what he thought. He eventually said the outfit was “inappropriate” and, after some back and forth, raised his voice and said 'you are dressed like a whore” during an argument. This really hurt me. I’ve worn sexier outfits around him before without issue. He’s also made comments in the past about not wanting me to wear certain things because he doesn’t want other men looking at me. His reaction was harsh.

I feel embarrassed and deeply hurt by his words, especially since I’ve been struggling emotionally recently. He knows how I like to dress and how much I love him, and I never thought my outfit would trigger this kind of response. He’s generally a loving, caring husband who wants to make me happy, but this situation has left me feeling insecure and confused.

How do I approach this? I know he’ll apologize, but how do I move forward when I want to express myself through my clothing without worrying about him feeling disrespected? I don’t think I was in the wrong, but I also don’t want this to keep happening. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Below is a picture off of Google to show an image similar to what I was wearing. The colouring in black is to show what was covered, just a peep of my corset and I have smaller boob's so there was no cleavage and the corset was much higher then this females corset top so less chest was on show.

He was very wide eyes, stating that 'you dress respectable around family, why can't you respect your husband'. He isn't a religious person and he knows how I dress when he met me. He is okay when it suits him going to different places when I wear something much more revealing then this.

No decent man would use the word whore, let alone about his wife.

I am struggling to imagine a sleeveless blazer.

I had a boyfriend that that bought me clothes like this and was happy for me to wear them if he told me to, but not if I chose them. He was very controlling and we soon parted ways. He was from the middle east, if it matters, I think there are controlling dicks from any culture

https://www.boohoo.com/seam-detail-cinched-waist-fitted-sleeveless-blazer/HZZ08076.html?srsltid=AfmBOorhj2AhbumeZ17-jeeV1XkxuLrhk2aySFJrgFMfnLiIjlfL0XZQLwY

It was more so a baggy long sleeveless blazer tied up with my belt.

Perfect

He definitely shouldn’t have called you a whore, but I personally wouldn’t describe any outfit that included underwear on show as classy.

Do you walk on eggshells round him? Considering how to dress. How much makeup he roil tho k is appropriate. What men he will be on if you speak with them, for example a male waiter or a rando at the bar who asks you the time? And if you do dues he throw a strop?

My husband audiably gasped when I read this out and showed him the photo. Your husband is a controlling asshole. I would never tolerate anyone calling me a whore especially not my husband. The whole why can't you respect your husband is antiquated bs, respect should be mutual, he certainly didn't respect you when he called you a whore. If he really didnt like your outfit there are plenty of ways to say it repectfully. I would be questioning the relationship if i were you, im sure there are plenty of red flags that you have dissmissed that need adressing.

Firstly why did you dress to what you thought he would like? What about dressing to how you would like? I would be livid if the one person who is supposed to love me to spoke to me like this. I would be considering what kind of relationship you want and if he can provide that. What you wore does not sound at all inappropriate. Controlling springs to mind…

Absolutely disgusting OP, do you have children with this man?
Please also stop trying to explain what you are wearing and how high/low it was, it is irrelevant. You deserve to be respected by your DH, he is vile.

It stands out a million miles that he dictates to you anyway when you said “I chose an outfit that I thought he would like” Fuck what he likes. He’s not wearing it. He did mean what he said because it come out in anger. Yes I believe in things getting send in the heat of the moment. However the thought must have been there for it to come out.
He’s a controlling bully. This is abuse.

Hello thank you,

I can talk to anyone he will be fine. He doesn't throw a strop. My clothing he has an issue with which for most it is not bad at all.

There is no way I'd have gone out to dinner with someone who said I looked like a whore!! He'd be going to dinner on his own.
There are much nicer ways to put it, that outfit makes me feel uncomfortable or may not be appropriate for where we're going but a whore WTF,

Thank you for your words.

I agree. I just wish he didn't think that or say that. If he didn't like it fine but for that to be said hurt me a lot. Which he knows it hurts as he had said it before

Lol

The full thread was only one post long!

Handle it? I wouldn’t be married to someone who called me a whore.

What was your upbringing like op?

You have a deeply deeply unhealthy and incorrect view of how a good man behaves.

@WhichEllie Agreed.

OP, dress to please yourself not your partner. No one gets to call you a whore. Suggest you consider your options and future without this idiot. You do not deserve or need to put up with being treated in this fashion.

this looks fine. To refer to you as a whore is horrible and degrading. If he'd said a bit mutton dressed as lamb or a bit young for your age- but to use that term.
why is he so sensitive around this issue?
Have a good talk to him. Maybe show him some pictures of outfits etc

OP I’m genuinely shocked my your post (and I’m not easily shockable!)

This is not the norm, it’s awful behaviour from your partner, and I guess I’m shocked you can’t see that (tho sympathetic). There’s nothing at all wrong with how you dressed.

Another argument would be that you can dress how you like and go out in heels and a see through dress if you want…but I won’t derail here….

I think you need to have a very honest conversation with him about why he is insulting and sexualising the very normal way in which you are dressing and looking nice. If he does not want to have that conversation then I honestly believe you need to reconsider this relationship (I do not say LTB lightly but this is very concerning)

I was out for a meal last week, wearing a cross over dress that had some cleavage showing. My husband was proud to have me on his arm and when he spotted I was flashing a bit too much boob after leaning over the table he quietly whispered to me to put my boob's away before the waiter dropped the soup, he was laughing not mocking and would never dream of calling me a whore.

Your husband sounds like a nasty controlling abuser and you could do so much better than him. Get him kicked out before you lose all your confidence and have to put up with this abuse for the rest of your life.

I'm a high class escort, I would never wear something like that for dinner at a restaurant with a client 😂

Seriously though, your husband is offensive. He should not be speaking to you like that.

I would have left the first time he called me a whore, let alone police what I wear because he doesn't like other men looking at you.

Deeply misogynistic and controlling.

I sincerely hope you don't have children with this man.

This is wrong on so many levels. He is entitled to make an observation but from your description you sounded like you were appropriately dressed. But it is not about the clothes, it is about other men looking at you he has a problem with. Does he have low self esteem issues etc? either way calling you a whore is way and beyond acceptable.