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Original poster

Ex denying husband seeing child

302 replies

Tryalilharder · 30/09/2024 11:29

just that really. Husband’s ex girlfriend is denying him access to his child. We have gone through the courts, we pay over and above maintenance, we do everything we need to and should do. Meant to have child every Saturday. She messages the day before and says child isn’t going. This has been happening on and off for a long time but has got worse since myself and my husband got married and had a baby (and now have another on the way!).

what do you do in this situation?

OP posts:
JustSaltPlease · 30/09/2024 11:31

What did the court say?

Original poster
Tryalilharder · 30/09/2024 11:35

Contact every Saturday but if we take the child when they don’t want to go they get so upset because their mum has promised them the world

OP posts:
Guavafish1 · 30/09/2024 11:36

You have to go back to court

Arlanymor · 30/09/2024 11:38

Make a list of all of the times when she has denied access, show this to her and tell her it’s not acceptable that they are both missing out on so much time with one another. Tell her it either improves or you will go back to court. Give her the option of improving first but set clear boundaries. I.e. it either improves in October or you’re going to court in November. While you are at it it’s a good time to talk about Christmas arrangements.

LBFseBrom · 30/09/2024 11:39

How old is the child?

AllThePotatoesAreSingingJingleBells · 30/09/2024 11:40

And then when you do go back to court request that powers of arrest are added to the court order

MrSeptember · 30/09/2024 11:42

I think all you can do is go back to court to show that she's not respecting the court order and ask the court to force it.

blackpooolrock · 30/09/2024 12:32

Go back to court. Tell the court what has been happening, all the dates, all the excuses etc. etc. and get the court to enforce the order.

JumperStripes · 30/09/2024 12:35

You go back to court of course. Why is contact only one day a week. Surely it can and should be increased.

sunflowersngunpowdr · 30/09/2024 15:14

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DavidBeckhamsrightfoot · 30/09/2024 15:16

What distance are you from child?
Return to court and request collection from school Friday.
You need to remove mum from the equation so she loses control.
Also a lives with both order.
And as above a penal notice, may be denied but you should ask.

roseymoira · 30/09/2024 23:07

Ok so it's the child that doesn't want to go, rather than the mum arbitrarily saying no then.

The most relevant point is missing from the OP, how old is the child?

Luxer · 30/09/2024 23:15

Why is the court order only one day out of 7? That’s hardly allowing a child to build a relationship with the parent, what age is the child? Has your DH ever seen the child on a regular or 50:50 basis? Personally I never forced my child to see their father, he couldn’t be arsed to see them except for one day every week where he could play Disney dad. It was his doing that they chose not to spend time with him. It doesn’t matter the amount of maintenance you pay, maintenance doesn’t ‘pay’ for you to see a child and I don’t see the relevance of mentioning it tbh.

Quitelikeit · 30/09/2024 23:19

There’s two options

go back to court

or accept that she doesn’t want you to play a part in her child’s life

also stop paying extra maintenance

Meadowfinch · 30/09/2024 23:19

Your dh has a court order. If the ex makes the child available as she should, then he needs to collect his child regardless.

If she doesn't make the child available, he needs to document all the occasions he has been denied, and then go back to court.

How old is the child?

TERFtown · 30/09/2024 23:30

Have you offered to do mediation with her?

Have you asked her why she's doing this?

Marblesbackagain · 01/10/2024 09:06

Every Saturday is hard on a child, are they very young?

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/10/2024 09:09

How old is the DC, when did you last see them and what’s your DP doing about it? Do they have contact by phone?

Snoken · 01/10/2024 09:45

I think it's hard to sustain a relationship with only 4 days a month of access and it sounds like the daughter is very settled with the mum and doesn't want to go away every Saturday. I am not sure that it's the ex that is behind all of this, she is most likely dealing with a very upset girl who doesn't want to go and who hasn't chosen this situation.

How come he only sees her 4 days a month though? I'm guessing he was never particularly involved.

Soontobe60 · 01/10/2024 09:58

roseymoira · 30/09/2024 23:07

Ok so it's the child that doesn't want to go, rather than the mum arbitrarily saying no then.

The most relevant point is missing from the OP, how old is the child?

Could it possibly be that the mother is influencing the child? Parental alienation is very real.

Original poster
Tryalilharder · 02/10/2024 11:00

Child is 7. I mentioned the child maintenance to avoid the question is he paying maintenance and to show it’s nothing to do with that.

OP posts:
Icedlatteofdreams · 02/10/2024 11:28

It sounds like the child is refusing to go? How has the child been since the new baby? That's a lot of change for a 7 year old and one day a week is not a lot of time for adjustments - would your husband consider requesting more contact?

What are the reasons why the child doesn't want to go? What is the distance between houses?

Original poster
Tryalilharder · 02/10/2024 12:05

For work reasons and the distance between houses. more contact wouldn’t work logistically

OP posts:
Original poster
Tryalilharder · 02/10/2024 12:06

I think the ex had a lot more issue with the baby than the child

OP posts:
Snoken · 02/10/2024 13:10

I think if the dad wants to have a better relationship with his child he needs to make much more time for her. 1 day a week is really nothing and to top it off the girl never gets a whole weekend in one place. I wouldn't want to spend every Saturday at somebody else's home either. Can't they do every other week or weekend at least?