Ex denying husband seeing child

[Tryalilharder]

just that really. Husband’s ex girlfriend is denying him access to his child. We have gone through the courts, we pay over and above maintenance, we do everything we need to and should do. Meant to have child every Saturday. She messages the day before and says child isn’t going. This has been happening on and off for a long time but has got worse since myself and my husband got married and had a baby (and now have another on the way!).

what do you do in this situation?

Your username seems very apt for your husband.

so the courts have said contact every saturday.. and you've not been having this contact for how long? sounds like a few years? and the child is 7? why has your DH not done anything about this sooner? when was the last time he actually saw this child?

Why wouldn't every other weekend work? That's kind of the minimum. Saturday every weekend is disruptive.

The answer to your question is what every PP has said, go back to court with evidence. Seek a pickup from school instead. Ask for powers of enforcement to be attached.

It is up to the adult to figure out what she is comfortable with . And no a lot of children won't be happy with a new sibling and another on the way. So he has to see her separately and maintain that relationship.

That way he has the access to build on their relationship. She is 7, at this age she is viewing her relationship with him against peers. She has capacity to see your child gets mum and dad.

Key ages where relationships can go south are 7 and 13. 7 because reasoning improves. 13 because complex relationships are understandable and puberty, sense of justice etc kicks in.

Your husband needs to meet her where she is. An activity after school once a week. The every Saturday arrangements mean he has to ensure she is facilitated for her social and sports and activities. He has to show her that her life is as equally important as his new family.

Not about my husband thanks. He’s done all he can. He’s a fantastic dad and husband.

School pick up doesn’t work with my husbands work. We have spent thousands on court fees (she gets legal aid) and if we take the child when they don’t want to go they kick off because mummy has promised them x, y and z.

every other weekend would work but the child probably wouldn’t stay over so that’s even less time.

hasn’t seen them in 2.5 months now

Why hasn't he started court proceedings in that time? Or gone over and said, 'we will just go to mcdonalds or something you enjoy' for a few hours?

He seems to be rolling over quite easily and EOW should have been the standard from the beginning. He needs to fight for his child so I don't agree that he's a fantastic father at all.

we have been to court multiple times. We have spent thousands, it’s made no difference. His ex gets legal aid so going to court is no skin of her nose. He has been fighting for years, he definitely hasn’t just rolled over

Ps he has done this. All contact is done through his ex and she either ignores him or says no or threatens to call the police if he asks again and he works with children so he’s afraid of it going against him when he has 100% clean record

When did he move away from her to only be able to facilitate one week a day contact?

He needs to move nearer his son so he can actually be present in his life.

Is the contact court ordered because of it od then you to go back to court so its enforced. I agree every Saturday is disruptive as it means the mums can't plan anything at the weekends. It would be better to do EOW and have them stay over. If the child is kicking of as their mum has promised them things then his dad needs to work to calm him down.

Yep - this.

Alienation of affection is a real thing.

We can’t just up and move. We were closer, she moved away further. It’s always been just 1 day a week from they split up 6 years ago.

ps husband can’t just calm work down unfortunately

I think we’re coming away a bit from the issue of that even 1 day a week isn’t working

Legal aid huh? Very enlightening.

How does the ex get legal aid? I thought that was only for people that have escaped abusive relationships. Or can you get it for other reasons now?

You don't need to spend thousands on lawyers. Just self represent for a few hundred and the judge will see she is being unreasonable (if indeed she is).

Why does she get legal aid? Was he abusive towards her?

She’s unemployed

So even when he was closer he still only sought one day of contact a week?
I presume that was happening just fine until 2.5 months ago?

One day a week contact is not enough to create a relationship is it, I presume she has had to turn down party invites for friends and fun days out over the years which tend to happen on the weekends.

Why did he only want one day a week with his child even when he lived closer?

Unemployment on its own doesn't meet the criteria for legal aid. Yes it's means tested but there are other factors.

Have you met her op. Do you know what her perspective is on this? Does she claim bad behaviour from your DH?

You don't get legal aid for family law unless there is (evidenced from 2 sources) DV and you are meet other financial criteria as well.

Yes have met her. He was never abusive nor does she claim he was. In our jurisdiction she can get legal aid for unemployment.

You are not in the UK?