Ex denying husband seeing child

[Tryalilharder]

just that really. Husband’s ex girlfriend is denying him access to his child. We have gone through the courts, we pay over and above maintenance, we do everything we need to and should do. Meant to have child every Saturday. She messages the day before and says child isn’t going. This has been happening on and off for a long time but has got worse since myself and my husband got married and had a baby (and now have another on the way!).

what do you do in this situation?

So let her!

She doesn't have a leg to stand on

Oh

Let's just hope that whatever goes around comes around.

For the kids sake, I hope not.

Honestly what is it that you really want. In reality your husband should have stayed close to his child, he should be having them more because it is more settling for children. He should be finishing work early and putting in a flexiable right to work request. Every suggestion people have made have dismissed. Have you ever considered that the child tells the mum they don't want to go. Had your husband had an open conversation where they were willing to listen to mums point of view.

It will. Baby Mama #3 will be on here in a few years telling us all about his crazy exes.

Would that be best for his DD?

You know that it wouldn’t, having a relationship with her Dad is important. I agree with those saying that your DH should calm his ex’s bluff and turn up on Saturday with the intention of taking his DD somewhere fun. If his ex calls the police, she’ll bring a heap of trouble on herself.

OP you do not come across at all how you think. Firstly, it is clear that despite trying to depict the ex as jealous, you are deeply insecure and threatened by her presence and the existence of her child. This is sad because whether you like it or not the child is your husband’s family and always will be. This is true regardless of how you feel about it, how many children you go on to have with him and how much or little contact exists between them. It is not a bond you can or should break.

Secondly, all your assertions that you were not the other woman are meaningless. For one, I’d argue that most people won’t believe you. But even if it is true, you still started a relationship with him when his child was no more than two years old. How long had they been broken up for? What kind of man leaves his partner and toddler and starts a new, serious relationship straight away? You are a new mother. How would you feel if your husband up and left and was in a new relationship in days/weeks/months? I think it is pretty shady behaviour and not at all aligned with someone you declare is a fantastic father and husband.

Thirdly, you come across as unbearably smug and superior. In your posts you have revealed that the ex is unemployed to your ‘high earner’, ten years older, a girlfriend not a wife. All that’s missing is the revelation that you used to model but your tits are too big and a sly dig about the ex’s weight. You have reiterated how if your relationship doesn’t work out no other couple has a chance. Clearly in your head you are Romeo and Juliet and there is no way in hell that your husband would ever look at another woman. I hope for your sake you are right. Because let’s face it, it wouldn’t be the first time.

I firmly believe having a child is a much bigger and more intense commitment than marriage. It is a lifelong responsibility that cannot ever be truly evaded or eradicated. It is a commitment he already had and somehow broke. So you may well be his first wife… but in this case it just isn’t a title worth having. And odds are you won’t be the last.

oh.. true colours always shine through don't they say... the OP has never wanted this poor child which is why so little has been done to fight for him/her??

you and your DH deserve each other

My last post: I don’t want the child here more, probably be better for everyone if the mother just makes sure contact stops all together and we can all move on!

There's the real you. What you wanted is us all to say was walk away, and we didn't.
Absolute nastiness. I hope it's a reverse and you didn't really mean that ( my ex walked away the damage is lifelong for my daughters)

Inevitable - you don't want advice. You just wanted to gloat.

Throwing money at family court is not impressive. It doesn't make you superior.

Turning up for a child, being considerate and consistent is what parenting is about.

Causing drama with an ex is never going to work out. She is the child's mother. She is probably doing what the child wants and to a point that is what is important.

I have lost all respect for you OP. I worry about the example you will set your own DC in the future. I worry about child no 1 and I worry about their mother. I suspect you will survive, you seem the type.

I think your right. And I think op is worried if they do go back to court he might get every other weekend.

The complaints about how much it costs were there to get people to say it’s not worth it. i think she didn’t expect people to tell her he could have gone to court far cheaper than he did. And the. She couldn’t resist claiming that her and her husband earn a lot of money. So the cost is neither here nor there.

Op wanted support for them to just stop trying. And tied herself in knots trying to make out they have been perfect and the ex is the evil one.

I said it earlier in the thread and I still believe it to be true. The ex is probably sick of him only seeing the child on his own terms, then the terms of his wife. There was no reason for the ex not to move given he only ever wanted to see the child for a few hours on a Saturday. I wouldn’t stay somewhere I didn’t want to live because my ex only wanted to see his child for a few hours on a Saturday and never did anything else. Why do all the hard work with no support from the other parent but stay where is convenient for them but not for you?

She obviously did move that far as Op felt it wasn’t an issue for her husband to do the journey 4 times on a Saturday and the child do it twice, every Saturday.

and every Saturday is a pain in the arse. For the mother and probably for the child.

I bet the mother’s side would be about how he put very little effort in but expected to have everything his own way.

Wonder what happens if the mother decides it’s ‘not practical’ for her to carry on parenting the child? Would Op and her husband take the child in and then make the child available every Saturday for the mother to visit for a few hours??

And there we have it.

Spiteful step "mum."

Sanctimonious nonsense about how perfect her husband is.

Making out if she is left, then no one will keep a man.

Awful.

The irony being though - it's often the case that females become like the op, when their dad doesn't bother with them. Then clings on to someone else's dad and makes them prioritise her. At the expense of their daughter. And so the circle repeats.

Aaaand there we have it.

@arethereanyleftatall Yes, it’s the long term impact on his DD that worries me too. Another poster shared the heartening story of her DH reconnecting with his Dad as an adult-lets hope that the OP’s husband keeps trying, even if the OP won’t.

I don’t know why I’m bothering to comment because you don’t want hear any other view other than your own but yes it would make a huge difference for your DH to spend 1 on 1 time with his DD without you there. He needs to rebuild his relationship with her and the best way to do that would be for them to spend quality time together just the two of them until the time is right to gradually reintroduce you into her life, however long that takes. It’s about a little girl spending time with her dad, it’s not about you.

But you won’t allow that will you? You can’t let a little girl see her dad without you hovering around because let’s be honest, this is all about you and what you want with no actual regard for this poor little girl.

Youve won your ‘prize’ and no one is going to stop you being the cat who got the cream, even a child who wants to be with her dad one day a week. You can’t even let her have that can you?

Honestly at the start I really thought you wanted advice but you’ve dismissed every single valid suggestion because it’s all me me me me me me me. With every update you sound more and more selfish, spiteful.and vindictive.

Thankfully the little girl has a strong mum who cares about her well being and puts her first. Shame her dad is so weak he was out chasing women when she was barely out of nappies and chose to be an absent father not even managing the bare minimum so as not to upset his new trophy.

very well said

It could be what is best for the DD.

Not all parents are worthy of the label. Not all parents make a worthwhile contribution to their children's lives.

@Goldbar That’s true. This Dad sounds more lazy than anything and I’d find that hard to respect. He knows that the Mum’s threats to call the police are baseless, but he’s accepting them and backing off.

You are probably not coming back to this thread so might be little point in posting this.

When your children become school age you will probably understand why the daughter sometimes doesn’t want to go to dad’s place on Saturday.

Every single birthday party (from school friends) that my dc has been invited to has always been on a Saturday. Some extracurricular activities or school fetes are always a Saturday. She probably doesn’t want to be forced to miss out. So, dad could communicate with his daughter and find out her reasons for not wanting to go to his place. Then he can respect her feelings and work with that.

You both turned up there and they weren’t home. Maybe the daughter had plans or an important activity she wanted to go to. The mother has threatened to call the police. People usually don’t go that far unless they feel that they have to.

If his daughter doesn’t want to go to dad’s every Saturday then she shouldn’t be forced to. And if that was my daughter I wouldn’t be forcing her to go. Either her dad is willing to compromise, listen to her, and meets her where she’s at, and gently encourages a relationship or he lets her go and leaves her be.

Forcing a relationship on such rigid unbending terms is damaging to this child. It needs to stop. For her sake.

Not sure if it’s been mentioned already, and you’re probably not reading anymore @Tryalilharder but I think it’s usually a massive red flag when it’s the new partner posting about how to get her husband’s contact back on track. This situation is painfully recognisable for those of us with useless exes that don’t bother with their children unless their new partner is pushing them to or they’re trying to impress a new partner. HE should be the one posting, HE should be taking this back to court, HE should be putting the effort in. The fact that it’s you posting speaks volumes about the situation in ways you possibly don’t understand.

I hope the op does come back to the thread but doubt she will. There have been some good posts.

Why does it always have to be a Saturday, why not a Sunday`? Children usually have more going on on Saturdays, especially as they get older. No doubt the dad has a day off in the week sometimes during school holidays and a visit could take place then. People must be flexible when it comes to issues like these.

(Threads like these are a warning to single people who might be considering having a relationship with someone who has young children. Don't do it!)

Let the ex call the police. If there is a court order in place and he is adhering to that then there's no problem surely. Perhaps he should call the police when she won't facilitate contact with the child. Him being 'terrified' of the police being called is bs.