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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I'm not who he believes I am!

237 replies

Fromageversion · 29/09/2024 00:49

NC for this but wondered if anyone else has this problem, or ever has had and what you did about it.
Been with DP for 18 months. We dont live together because I'm happy living independently.
When I first met DP, I was a total people pleaser and really didn't want to disappoint him, so I pretty much went along with whatever he wanted to do.
Fast forward 18 months and I feel much more secure in the relationship but now I find that DP has this fixed idea of who he thinks I am, and I'm not that person.
I think this is because I'm not very good at speaking up for myself.
He prides himself on having found someone who he thinks is his perfect match but I'm not that person.
It's like he's created a version of me in his head, a version of me where I'm highly sexed, go to sleep really late every night, am super organised with domestic stuff to the point that I can completely shelve most domestic tasks while he's here because I can catch up very quickly when he's not here, that I smell amazing all of the time, prioritise my self care routine over everything and doing my hair and make up takes just a few minutes because I always make sure I've done these things before he arrives, and it's like if he can't see how long it takes, then in his mind, it doesn't take long at all!

It's so difficult to explain.
I'm not highly sexed, I make the effort when I see him, but he believes I'm like that all the time, because that's what he sees.
I don't shave my legs every single day, but he thinks I do because I shave on the days he comes over.
I don't enjoy some of the programmes he wants to watch, but I watch them because I don't want to disappoint him by telling him I don't enjoy them.
I don't cope with only 4 to 5 hours sleep but I stay awake longer when he's here and feel exhausted the following day because he thinks this is normal for me, because this is what he sees.
I'm making an extra effort because he's here, but that's not who I am normally.
How do I go from this version he has created of me to who I really am without disappointing him?
It's becoming harder and harder to keep up the regime!
When you first meet someone, you put your best foot forward and somewhere along the way, I chose to keep this up and not to relax and be myself and now it feels too late, like I've been misleading him for a long time, but when I try to tell him for example, that I'm tired and I want to go to sleep instead of having a marathon sex session, he doesn't believe me. He'll say "But you love sex/you're never tired at this time."
I tell him I am tired, that I usually go to sleep by 10pm, but he genuinely doesn't believe me!
I'm only awake now because he was here this evening and I told him I was tired and needed to sleep, and he couldnt understand why. He says I've not been extra busy today and asked if I'm ill. I explained I usually go to bed by 10pm and again, he didn't believe me.
He usually stays the night and goes home on Sunday evening so I didn't think it would be a disaster if I went to sleep.
He's now gone home because he says if I didnt want him to come over, I should just say, rather than claim I'm tired when he knows I'm not tired.
It's like he thinks he knows me better than I know myself yet I don't think he knows me at all.
Any advice?
Currently feeling quite relieved to be able to go to bed but where do I go from here?

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 29/09/2024 13:43

calatheamama · 29/09/2024 13:17

Absurd. There is an enormous difference between outright lies and deception regarding identity, etc, and putting the effort in to a new relationship during the honeymoon period.

If OP had said that they had, for example, concealed the fact that they were already married or had children, or outrightly lied about their career, that would be a very different situation.

Growing into a relationship and showing some of your flaws and humanity is not deceit - being able to do this should be an indicator of a healthy relationship!!

OP has said she pretended to be the person he wanted her to be. It’s not unreasonable for him to be disappointed now she’s showing him she’s not that person.

HappyDane · 29/09/2024 13:59

But really....are you telling me that in his shoes, you wouldn't be able to envisage, no matter what personality a woman had, or had pretended to have, that at some point some things would change? Because that is quite spectacularly thick. It's not a personality change to sometimes not want to have sex, even if you are highly sexed (I am, so I know. Not that that's any of your business but I'm making a point that, honestly, I shouldn't have to make). It's not a personality change to sometimes say, look I really need to sleep, I'm exhausted.

Come on. You must be able to see that that's just stupid on his part. He's not dealing with a machine, he's dealing with a human. There are nuances to human behaviour, within all personality types!

The fact that OP went too far for too long trying to be his ideal woman doesn't change the fact that he's acted badly.

@Fromageversion for your own sake (but also for the man's, just as importantly!) don't ever do this again. It's such a bad way to build a relationship. Make an effort when you want to or when you have the time and the emotional or even physical resources to do so. When you don't have the time or you're not feeling it, don't. You'll weed out the idiots much more quickly and you'll also end up with someone who you're actually suited to and who appreciates you in all aspects of your personhood, not just when you respond accordingly within a very narrow and rigid expectation to his relationship tokens. You're not a vending machine.

Behave with integrity toward yourself so that you can have a truly intimate and loving relationship.

6pence · 29/09/2024 14:13

It’s not either/or.

He’d have shown his unpleasant traits earlier, if she’d been her true self and not people pleased.

Both are at fault. It should have just come to crisis point earlier.

Now the op has had her eyes opened, she needs to decide if she wants to continue with the arse that he obviously is.

Josette77 · 29/09/2024 15:58

I struggle with this because he's behaved poorly, but also you have manipulated him for months pretending to be someone you're not.

I wish people pleasers would acknowledge that they are pleasing themselves as well.

A year and a half has been wasted because OP wasn't honest about who she is.

At the end of the day she's a stranger to him at this point.

Fromageversion · 29/09/2024 16:31

Apologies for not replying earlier.
I've begun reading the replies and wanted to address some of the comments so far.

When I first met him, I was super attracted to him physically. I didn't really know him as a person when I first met him, but physically I found him very attractive, and within a few weeks, we began sleeping together, as I got to know him better.
However, as time as gone on, I calmed down so to speak, and found myself wanting to do other things rather than jump into bed with him at every opportunity!
Its like he sees my house as an oasis of relaxation and sex. He actually says to me 'I come here to chill out and relax.'
So I feel a pressure to keep that atmosphere. Yes, I agree it's people pleasing.
He stays over 2 or 3 times a week so we see plenty of each other, but for me, I don't feel the need to have sex with him every single time he stays. He, otoh, doesn't seem (to me) to want the early days of dating to change.
He makes it clear with innuendos and stating how attractive he finds me that he's looking forward to taking me to bed so this appears to be the highlight of his visits, whereas I'm happy to watch a film, have a chat and go to sleep.
The expectation to have so much sex is putting me right off if I'm being honest.

Despite finding it difficult to speak up, I've told him I don't want to feel like I'm disappointing him if I don't feel like it, and he agrees that he doesn't want me to have sex if I don't want to, and for a day or two, he won't mention sex, which incidentally makes me warm to the idea of it, but then he reverts back and I find myself either keeping quiet and getting it over with, which isn't easy because he likes long sessions, or repeatedly bringing how I feel up again and again!

Speaking up is something I'm working on but still find difficult, so constantly bringing it up is hard.

He suspects I'm losing interest in him, finding him less attractive, which I suppose is true. I told him a few weeks ago that I'd rather he waits for me to initiate, which makes me want to more, but even then, it feels to me like all the conversations we have, the films we watch, the dates we go on are just time fillers until we get to the bit he seems to be interested in.
He says he's happy just spending time with me but not all language is verbal, as I'm sure you all know.

Maybe it's my low self esteem, but as an example, he only ever looks visibly excited by having sex. You know when someone is passionately engaged in a conversation or a film or sight seeing, yet he only looks visibly excited when I mention getting undressed or sex.

I hope I'm explaining it well enough for people to understand.
It makes me think of someone who is addicted to something, maybe alcohol or drugs who is just coasting along, not really enjoying any moments, until the opportunity pops up for them to satisfy their addiction and suddenly their face lights up! There's a twinkle in their eyes, as if they've been waiting the whole time for that moment! They behave like they 'come alive' when there's an opportunity to fulfil their desire.
If I thought sex wasn't on the menu, I feel like I could relax and I've told him this and when he doesn't bring it up, I find I want to much more, but it's all a lie, because even when he doesn't mention it, I know he's only not mentioning it, not because he's not thinking about it, but because he's hoping it will result in me initiating!

We do talk about other things, watch films, go on dates, visit places, but it just doesn't feel like he enjoys my company as much as he enjoys the sex 🤔.

So I have tried, maybe weakly, to explain how I feel.
Hope that clears up some of the confusion.

OP posts:
Bestyearever2024 · 29/09/2024 16:38

I think you need to get rid of him

Mis matched sex drives aren't easy to live with

StormingNorman · 29/09/2024 16:38

incompatible sex drives isn’t something that’s likely to change any time soon. You need to think about whether this is the right relationship for you.

Fromageversion · 29/09/2024 16:39

Also, there have been a number of occasions where we have gone to bed and I've not said I don't want sex, I've just turned over and gone to sleep. Mainly because I haven't wanted to say out loud that I don't want to for fear of disappointing him, and he's been ok about it. He watches TV and then goes to sleep himself, but the next day, he'll joke about how he was looking forward to a session and then I fell asleep.
What am I supposed to say when he makes jokes like that?
I feel bad enough as it is, but I don't want to have sex with him just to stop myself feeling guilty!

OP posts:
Figleafpants · 29/09/2024 16:41

What am I supposed to say when he makes jokes like that?

Just fcking dump him. He sounds like a sex pest who sees your home as some kind of massage parlour.

Honestly, there isnt really much at all that sounds appealing about this guy.

User364837 · 29/09/2024 16:42

What’s he like when you’re out of action eg. your period or feeling unwell?

It doesn’t sound great.
i can totally see where you’re coming from and why it would be a turn off.

from his point of view he liked the initial level of sex and would want that to continue.

i have been with someone for about a year and we see each other 2-3 times a week. We do tend to have sex at most of those times unless it’s my time of the month, and not generally when I sleep over at his two nights running, would normally just be once then.

but there have also been the odd times when one of us isn’t in the mood for whatever reason and we’ve given a heads up beforehand that we’re more in the mood for a coffee and a chat and that’s been fine. I feel very comfortable saying that, as does he.

on the other hand I do have a bit of a deep fear about what would happen if my libido suddenly deserted me as it is quite a big part of our relationship that I know he values a lot.

Fromageversion · 29/09/2024 16:58

ImpunityJane · 29/09/2024 08:00

This is much more him than you. Yes, you have been making a massive effort and finding it hard to be yourself so not showing your real self, but he's created a dynamic where being yourself is punished, not heard or contradicted. He lacks any curiosity about the real you.

You are taking too much of that on yourself. His projections are making you feel unable to be yourself. This is either a way to manipulate you or he has extremely low emotional intelligence or he doesn't see women as humans. It could be a combination of the three but it doesn't really matter. You cannot fix it and he's not a good person to be involved with.

This resonates with me enormously!
We seem to have the same conversations over and over.
Here's one small example;
I hardly ever blow dry my hair, although I always blow dried it when we began seeing each other, for about 2 months. Since then, I rarely blowdry it. Usually I wash it and leave it to dry naturally. It doesn't take long.
At least 50% of the time, he'll ask me 'Are you leaving your hair wet?'
I reply yes, like I always do.
He'll reply with 'Well you never usually leave it, it looks better when you blow dry it.
He's seen me wash and leave it hundreds of times. To put it in perspective, the last time I blow dried my hair was in August 2023!! I've told him this! He says he doesn't believe me, because last week, my hair looked smooth, like I'd blow dried it!
I tell him I'd washed it an hour before he arrived.
'Yes, and blow dried it!'
'No, not blow dried it!'
'You always blow dry it!'
'NO I DONT!!!' 😡

That's just one example of what I mean when I say I'm not who he thinks I am.
He does this over a number of things.
It feels like I put in all this effort in the beginning and he wants me to maintain it, because that's what he prefers!! But that's not me!
He comes across as all confused! That he's sure I definitely do these things, but doesn't want to accept that I really don't!

OP posts:
ManchesterGirl2 · 29/09/2024 17:00

He sounds boring and annoying. I'd hate to be in a relationship with someone who can't get excited about a film or a trip away. Sex is great but I'd hate for it to be the only thing in my life.

Fromageversion · 29/09/2024 17:00

User364837 · 29/09/2024 16:42

What’s he like when you’re out of action eg. your period or feeling unwell?

It doesn’t sound great.
i can totally see where you’re coming from and why it would be a turn off.

from his point of view he liked the initial level of sex and would want that to continue.

i have been with someone for about a year and we see each other 2-3 times a week. We do tend to have sex at most of those times unless it’s my time of the month, and not generally when I sleep over at his two nights running, would normally just be once then.

but there have also been the odd times when one of us isn’t in the mood for whatever reason and we’ve given a heads up beforehand that we’re more in the mood for a coffee and a chat and that’s been fine. I feel very comfortable saying that, as does he.

on the other hand I do have a bit of a deep fear about what would happen if my libido suddenly deserted me as it is quite a big part of our relationship that I know he values a lot.

He's quite attentive when I'm not feeling well. Luckily, it doesn't happen often but when it does, he's quite caring.
Yet I still feel like I've let him down on the sex front 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
ManchesterGirl2 · 29/09/2024 17:03

Fromageversion · 29/09/2024 16:58

This resonates with me enormously!
We seem to have the same conversations over and over.
Here's one small example;
I hardly ever blow dry my hair, although I always blow dried it when we began seeing each other, for about 2 months. Since then, I rarely blowdry it. Usually I wash it and leave it to dry naturally. It doesn't take long.
At least 50% of the time, he'll ask me 'Are you leaving your hair wet?'
I reply yes, like I always do.
He'll reply with 'Well you never usually leave it, it looks better when you blow dry it.
He's seen me wash and leave it hundreds of times. To put it in perspective, the last time I blow dried my hair was in August 2023!! I've told him this! He says he doesn't believe me, because last week, my hair looked smooth, like I'd blow dried it!
I tell him I'd washed it an hour before he arrived.
'Yes, and blow dried it!'
'No, not blow dried it!'
'You always blow dry it!'
'NO I DONT!!!' 😡

That's just one example of what I mean when I say I'm not who he thinks I am.
He does this over a number of things.
It feels like I put in all this effort in the beginning and he wants me to maintain it, because that's what he prefers!! But that's not me!
He comes across as all confused! That he's sure I definitely do these things, but doesn't want to accept that I really don't!

Id struggle not to ask "why are you being so dense?"

As the p.p. says, he's either extremely stupid, misogynistic, or manipulative. None of the three is an attractive quality.

Jaehee · 29/09/2024 17:03

Figleafpants · 29/09/2024 16:41

What am I supposed to say when he makes jokes like that?

Just fcking dump him. He sounds like a sex pest who sees your home as some kind of massage parlour.

Honestly, there isnt really much at all that sounds appealing about this guy.

This!

I couldn’t cope with all the guilt tripping and questioning. He’s walking all over your boundaries and he’s worn you down to the point you’re having sex with him just to keep the peace. He sounds incredibly immature and entitled.

User364837 · 29/09/2024 17:05

Ok with the blow drying stuff and him telling what you normally do and how you feel….
he sounds like a twat tbh.
and telling you your hair looks better when you blow dry it is rude.

It really sounds like it’s time to move on.

Jaehee · 29/09/2024 17:09

@Fromageversion I’ve just read your update. This reads like the early stages of gaslighting. He’s trying to make you doubt yourself and your memory. It will only get worse.

Staunchlystarling · 29/09/2024 17:19

Now you’ve explained further I’d bin him off. Rightly or wrongly he’s not got the impression you’re some sex addicted insomniac, who always looks perfect and can’t wait to get your knickers off. You aren’t,

I don’t think it can work. He’s fallen for a replica of you that doesn’t exist. And as much as he would likely habe fallen for the real you. The truth is now a disappointment. You’re just a normal woman with a relatively low sex drive.

just end it, he sounds like a wanker anyway.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 29/09/2024 17:27

It sounds like a form of control to me @Fromageversion .

When he says "Well you never usually leave it, it looks better when you blow dry it", he knows full well you do usually leave it. What he means to say is "I want you to blow dry it every single time, but that sounds controlling, so I'm going to constantly feign ignorance"

"But you never usually go to bed early" is "I want you to stay up late to entertain me and have sex with me, but that would be selfish, so I'm going to pretend that's who you are"

He's trying to change you, to control your behaviour until you're so turned around that you become what he wants you to be.

In short, he's a prick. Dump him.

smalltoe · 29/09/2024 17:34

If a man spent the first EIGHTEEN MONTHS acting and speaking as if they loooooved going shopping, go to salsa, eating out at fine dining establishments, going to the ballet and spending time with your family and then suddenly said he didn't want to do this stuff I'm pretty sure you would be very confused and take a while to actually believe that he really didn't like the ballet, or salsa or spending any time with your family at all

You created this problem.

Staunchlystarling · 29/09/2024 17:36

smalltoe · 29/09/2024 17:34

If a man spent the first EIGHTEEN MONTHS acting and speaking as if they loooooved going shopping, go to salsa, eating out at fine dining establishments, going to the ballet and spending time with your family and then suddenly said he didn't want to do this stuff I'm pretty sure you would be very confused and take a while to actually believe that he really didn't like the ballet, or salsa or spending any time with your family at all

You created this problem.

That’s valid.

Jaehee · 29/09/2024 17:42

smalltoe · 29/09/2024 17:34

If a man spent the first EIGHTEEN MONTHS acting and speaking as if they loooooved going shopping, go to salsa, eating out at fine dining establishments, going to the ballet and spending time with your family and then suddenly said he didn't want to do this stuff I'm pretty sure you would be very confused and take a while to actually believe that he really didn't like the ballet, or salsa or spending any time with your family at all

You created this problem.

Except that's not what happened at all.

PaminaMozart · 29/09/2024 17:42

Look, this is NEVER going to work. He is not the man for you.

I am going to be blunt: you need to learn to be yourself, on your own, and find out who YOU are, before you can be ready for a relationship.

  • invest in counselling
  • read Women Who Love Too Much
  • read some books about self-esteem
  • get to a point where a man is not the focus of your life.
Grendell · 29/09/2024 17:54

I think you have to ditch him.

smalltoe · 29/09/2024 19:45

@Jaehee

Except that's not what happened at all.
We must have read different OPs

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