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Original poster

MIL changed inheritance

229 replies

deargodno · 22/09/2024 14:22

FIL sadly passed away a few years ago from a terminal illness and had arranged will, inheritance etc with MIL before he did - they agreed on everything together as to what the kids would inherit after she died, as everything of his went to her.

The 5 adult kids were set to have everything split equally between them in this arrangement. 2 children were biologically his, 3 were not but he raised them and wanted everything split equally.

Last year MIL fell out with one of the kids and quietly had everything changed. Now the majority goes to the 2 kids she likes the most, 2 in the middle get less, and the one she fell out with gets a lot less.

My OH is now one of the middle tier inheriters. We assumed everyone else knew about the situation but we recently found out that she's not told the other middle inheriter that she's changed the will, nor the one at the bottom. We think this is because she knows they're likely to be upset about it - she has an established history of favouring certain kids over others just generally, and it does upset my OH because he knows as a kid he was left out of things and never given as much time or attention.

We are not super close to the others - would you tell them or not? We don't care about the money because we have a good income, but the other middle/bottom don't and also have kids to think about and plan for. (The 2 top inheriters are already in the strongest financial position in their day to day lives).

We have encouraged her to tell them multiple times but she's had a year to tell them and not done it, and is evasive when it's brought up.

But then again maybe next year she'll fall out with someone else and change it all again?

I guess my question is, if you were one of the kids where your inheritance had been changed unfavourably, would you have wanted/expected someone else to tell you about it if they knew you didn't know?

OP posts:
OrdsallChord · 23/09/2024 10:45

You really have been on the end of some nonsense in this thread OP. My sympathies.

Mebebecat · 23/09/2024 10:46

PrincessofWells · 22/09/2024 22:51

If fil wanted to ensure money was left to his children, or any other person he would have specified this in his will. It is irrelevant what was said unless it formed part of the wishes in his will.
The money is now mils and she can leave her own money to whomsoever she pleases, including to Battersea Dogs Home if that is what she wishes. It is nobody else's business.
Coercion to attempt to persuade a person to change their will is unlawful and op is on very dodgy ground.

Show quote history

Exactly. If FIL wanted his assets equally divided between his children he should have arranged that in his will. He could also have left his wife a lifetime interest. If he failed to have this drawn up he is to blame here. It's too late to sort that now, so it's entirely up to mil.

Cattenberg · 23/09/2024 11:39

I want to say a bit more about the will which I benefited from. Let’s just say that my aunt’s step-children received less than we all expected. They were surprised and hurt, especially as they felt they had a good relationship with her.

The step-children became suspicious of my side of the family and hired a solicitor to investigate. It didn’t help matters that my aunt had changed her will a few times, and had later been diagnosed with dementia. However, in her penultimate will, she had actually excluded the step-children entirely. No one knows why and it was actually my DM who persuaded her to update her will to include them.

The step-children didn’t formally contest the will (maybe they had no grounds), but it isn’t nice that we can never lay their suspicions to rest. We considered making a deed of variation to give them a greater share, but realised this would complicate matters by making it look as though we did have something to hide.

All this could have been avoided if my aunt had kept her step-children informed while she was still alive.

thepariscrimefiles · 23/09/2024 11:55

deargodno · 23/09/2024 10:42

Sorry where is the coercion?? I literally asked whether OH should tell the others or not so they all have the same information as him.

Show quote history

Some posters are being absolutely ridiculous. They read your OP and do some weird mental gymnastics so that in their heads you are saying "I want MIL to change her will to leave all her money to me".

You have made it very clear that you are just concerned about the repercussions when your DH's siblings find out about the changes to their inheritance after MIL's death.

OVienna · 23/09/2024 12:39

deargodno · 23/09/2024 10:42

Sorry where is the coercion?? I literally asked whether OH should tell the others or not so they all have the same information as him.

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Don't pay any attention. There are people on this thread with no comprehension skills whatsoever.

StrongAutumn · 23/09/2024 13:17

Why would you have to contribute to the upkeep costs? Won't the commercial property produce income that will pay for its maintenance, insurances etc?

The bottom line is it's your mother in law's money/ property and she can do whatever she likes with it but I hate it when parents visit this sort of injustice on children.

MissMoneyFairy · 23/09/2024 14:09

Even if you do tell them she might change her mind anyway or get angry with your dh so I'd just leave it for now

Spirallingdownwards · 23/09/2024 14:13

Harvestfestivalknickers · 22/09/2024 14:25

Tricky. I would want my fathers wishes followed so if I was in the 'top tier' I'd still distribute their share to those in the 'bottom tier'.

The father has left it to the mother and he would have been advised that were he to predecease her she could then leave it however she wanted.

I wouldn't tell anyone unless you are wanting to cause a row. Also the mother doesn't have to tell anyone either if she doesn't want to. If you go ahead and tell people and cause upset perhaps she will write your husband out too. I would leave well alone. She may change her mind anyway.

pleasehelpwi3 · 23/09/2024 17:12

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 22/09/2024 17:03

Of course they can. They could also do all sorts of foolish things that will create problems and conflict for others. Much better if they didn't, though, surely?

My very elderly mother told me recently that she didn't want certain people invited to her funeral. I didn't bother arguing about it, I just changed the subject. It won't be her decision to take and I know my brother and I would like those people to come if they can. A will, on the other hand, creates a binding obligation to follow the deceased's instructions. This is why it needs a lot of thought. Quite obviously some people see it as one last opportunity to control and manipulate, even after they've died.

In the OP's case, if all beneficiaries are in agreement, I believe they can get a deed of variation drawn up to put things back to what the FIL wanted, i.e. equal shares. This can only be done after MIL dies and presumably before the executors get to work. I imagine the favoured children might not be so keen, though. Unless the least favoured has done something truly horrendous, what a way to treat a family member. I feel there have to be very good reasons for doing anything other than leaving the estate in equal shares to the children.

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Agreed that wills are horrible things, as is the time after death, and a disputed will adds to the misery.
I would argue that if person X is married to Y, and wants A to get the money, but unfortunately X dies first and leaves all their money, it is now up to Y to decide what to do with what is now 100% their money. Even if their wishes contradict those of X. But I'm not a lawyer, so could be totally wrong.

blacksax · 23/09/2024 17:48

@deargodno If this is a commercial building, is it the family-run business occupying it, or is there a business tenant or tenants? Do they pay rent, and if so, who to?

Tenants would be liable to pay towards upkeep of the building through service charges, so repairs to the building could be funded that way. Another alternative would be to set up a Ltd Company which owns the building, with the inheriting family members holding their respective number of shares in the company.

Anyway, aside from all that, I think you should keep well out of it. The MIL sounds like she could change her mind (and the will) again in any case, so stirring it up by telling the other siblings / half siblings could cause untold trouble between everyone. There is also the potential inheritance tax question as well.

Original poster
deargodno · 23/09/2024 18:27

blacksax · 23/09/2024 17:48

@deargodno If this is a commercial building, is it the family-run business occupying it, or is there a business tenant or tenants? Do they pay rent, and if so, who to?

Tenants would be liable to pay towards upkeep of the building through service charges, so repairs to the building could be funded that way. Another alternative would be to set up a Ltd Company which owns the building, with the inheriting family members holding their respective number of shares in the company.

Anyway, aside from all that, I think you should keep well out of it. The MIL sounds like she could change her mind (and the will) again in any case, so stirring it up by telling the other siblings / half siblings could cause untold trouble between everyone. There is also the potential inheritance tax question as well.

I suggested the ltd company thing but she's not keen, which I assume means the other inheritors won't be either but idk.

It's the family-run business occupying, so they could out-vote repairs-wise.

I'm definitely staying out of it now I think, if it ends up costing me money then so be it.

OP posts:
thursdaymurderclub · 23/09/2024 19:00

ScribblingPixie · 22/09/2024 15:58

Shouldn't you protect your children now in case you go first?

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actually very good point....

blacksax · 23/09/2024 21:25

deargodno · 23/09/2024 18:27

I suggested the ltd company thing but she's not keen, which I assume means the other inheritors won't be either but idk.

It's the family-run business occupying, so they could out-vote repairs-wise.

I'm definitely staying out of it now I think, if it ends up costing me money then so be it.

Show quote history

Who owns the family-run business then? Is that a Ltd company or a partnership or owned by one person? Are they the same people who would inherit part or all of the building?

Something says to me that the MIL needs to be persuaded to pay a visit to an accountant with considerable experience in inheritance tax planning for family businesses. Apart from anything else, they might talk some sense into her will-wise.

TheLurpackYears · 26/09/2024 06:32

Horrible situation, but are the assets any more the FILs than the Mils? He obviously didn't set them up in any kind of trust for you and they were inherited by MIL to do as she chooses. She has every right to do with them whay she wishes.
As above, your dh can decline the inheritance or challenge the intention of the will in court after MIL dies.
As above, if you haven't, now is the time to make sure your paperwork is upto date. If you want your assets to bypass your husband, rake financial and legal advice and write that into you will now. My exMIL did this, it caused some friction with exFIL. Make sure both you powers of attorney are signed off and put away for your dotage.

hanjustsaying · 26/09/2024 06:50

Cattenberg · 22/09/2024 14:46

I think that leaving an unpleasant surprise in a will is both cowardly and spiteful, (unless it’s well-deserved perhaps, in which case it shouldn’t be a surprise). The recipient of this surprise will never be able to respond or ask why, and that could torment them.

Maybe your DH should tell them. MIL might take it badly, but ultimately no one has the right to escape the consequences of their own actions.

I agree, I've seen situations like this ruin family relationships time and time again.

hanjustsaying · 26/09/2024 07:03

This is exactly what I mean... They leave a bomb of shock and hurt for the rest of the family to find after they are gone and cannot explain, leaving it unresolved forever. This is not about the money, its about what the money means, imagine how it would feel finding out after your own mother died that you were her "bottom tier" child. Or that your mother screwed your siblings to favour you. Imagine the strain that would put on sibling relationships. We're only human of course we read into these things, honestly it sounds like MIL intends it that way. This stuff haunts people, it messes up their perceptions of their own family and the ones they lost, and harms the relationships of those left behind. Yes it's her money and she can distribute it how she sees fit, but knowing they expect one thing and intentionally leaving them with another is cruel. They will be caught of gaurd when it's too late to ask why. Klim not sure if you should tell them or not but I can say that what she is doing is far more cruel than she might realise

Nikki8762 · 26/09/2024 07:05

PrincessofWells · 22/09/2024 14:25

Why is it any of your business?

Because the dad made his wishes clear and made a will, now she's changed all that and given them less... so yeah... it is their business.

Nikki8762 · 26/09/2024 07:09

deargodno · 22/09/2024 14:22

FIL sadly passed away a few years ago from a terminal illness and had arranged will, inheritance etc with MIL before he did - they agreed on everything together as to what the kids would inherit after she died, as everything of his went to her.

The 5 adult kids were set to have everything split equally between them in this arrangement. 2 children were biologically his, 3 were not but he raised them and wanted everything split equally.

Last year MIL fell out with one of the kids and quietly had everything changed. Now the majority goes to the 2 kids she likes the most, 2 in the middle get less, and the one she fell out with gets a lot less.

My OH is now one of the middle tier inheriters. We assumed everyone else knew about the situation but we recently found out that she's not told the other middle inheriter that she's changed the will, nor the one at the bottom. We think this is because she knows they're likely to be upset about it - she has an established history of favouring certain kids over others just generally, and it does upset my OH because he knows as a kid he was left out of things and never given as much time or attention.

We are not super close to the others - would you tell them or not? We don't care about the money because we have a good income, but the other middle/bottom don't and also have kids to think about and plan for. (The 2 top inheriters are already in the strongest financial position in their day to day lives).

We have encouraged her to tell them multiple times but she's had a year to tell them and not done it, and is evasive when it's brought up.

But then again maybe next year she'll fall out with someone else and change it all again?

I guess my question is, if you were one of the kids where your inheritance had been changed unfavourably, would you have wanted/expected someone else to tell you about it if they knew you didn't know?

My mum always tells me she's writing me out of the will...

I would absoloutly be telling them, thisnisnt a bomb shell that needs dropping when she passes, needs to be sorted now, other wise they'll be some very sad and hurt people once it all comes out. If they can't confront her it's going to cause hurt and alot of damage, never mind she's gone against the fil wishes... tell them all and let them all have their say.

How did you guys find out? Did she uses it as a way to hurt you in an argument? That'd always when it gets brought up to me. At this point i dont care and nothing would surprise me lol been in and out like 50 times

Vodkamummy · 26/09/2024 07:10

My Mum told me that she had changed hers years back when she fell out with my brother and s.i.l. I did not tell them, it was not my place, also I couldn't be sure she wasn't just lashing out and had actually done it and was just talking big. Ffwd a couple years, and had made up with them and oh surprise the will has been changed back again (don't forget it isn't a free service to get this done with your solicitor)
Recently F.i.l and m.i.l fell out with s.i.l (their own daughter) and told me and dh that they had changed the will and she wasn't getting as much as originally stated. Again I have taken it with a pinch of salt as much so that when they told us we were executors, I half jokingly said "oh I can't take the responsibility and stress, please make up with her!" Again, it is not mine or my dh place to inform his sister of this and it is up to your m.i.l whether she tells them or not, her will, her choice. No matter how toxic she is being, let her get on with it and go with the old saying, least said, soonest mended. If it comes to pass, don't let on you knew, if they find out somehow that you did, tell them it was not your place, you were told in confidence and it's her choice who and what she leaves her wordly possessions to. Them knowing will not change anything, you will just look like a trouble maker (you're not even one of the siblings)

Supersimkin7 · 26/09/2024 07:20

MIL will start demanding family care. That type always does, often years too early.

Don’t keep quiet then.

Secrets and lies, eh. The poor unloved children will be the first she targets for unpaid care.

Arty40 · 26/09/2024 07:20

Exactly what happened to you happened to us, we got together after passing and did a deed of variation and went back to their original decision. You all have to agree though, it's so mean of her to cause these problems between you all and total disrespectful of your DD wishes.
We have been quite clear , I trust my DP not to change ours, but maybe we all need to wrap them up tighter.
if I passed before him or visa versa and we met other partners, things can change again.

Sootyb · 26/09/2024 07:29

Contest the will after mil dies

lostoldname · 26/09/2024 07:36

From legal advice I have, your husband could ask the executors for his portion of the property in cash therefore forcing a sale if the others are unable to buy him out.

SheilaFentiman · 26/09/2024 07:53

Sootyb · 26/09/2024 07:29

Contest the will after mil dies

On what grounds?

Dawninglory · 26/09/2024 07:56

I think the dilemma is, if you don't tell the others, will they hate you both for not telling when MIL dies.
Or if you do and MIL falls out with you and gives your DH the lowest amount possible.
Your MIL is creating drama, even after she dies. I would hold a sibling meeting and discuss her behaviour since FIL died, and how she is playing you all off against each other. Then you can have a clear conscience, if you don't care about the money that is.