MIL changed inheritance

[deargodno]

FIL sadly passed away a few years ago from a terminal illness and had arranged will, inheritance etc with MIL before he did - they agreed on everything together as to what the kids would inherit after she died, as everything of his went to her.

The 5 adult kids were set to have everything split equally between them in this arrangement. 2 children were biologically his, 3 were not but he raised them and wanted everything split equally.

Last year MIL fell out with one of the kids and quietly had everything changed. Now the majority goes to the 2 kids she likes the most, 2 in the middle get less, and the one she fell out with gets a lot less.

My OH is now one of the middle tier inheriters. We assumed everyone else knew about the situation but we recently found out that she's not told the other middle inheriter that she's changed the will, nor the one at the bottom. We think this is because she knows they're likely to be upset about it - she has an established history of favouring certain kids over others just generally, and it does upset my OH because he knows as a kid he was left out of things and never given as much time or attention.

We are not super close to the others - would you tell them or not? We don't care about the money because we have a good income, but the other middle/bottom don't and also have kids to think about and plan for. (The 2 top inheriters are already in the strongest financial position in their day to day lives).

We have encouraged her to tell them multiple times but she's had a year to tell them and not done it, and is evasive when it's brought up.

But then again maybe next year she'll fall out with someone else and change it all again?

I guess my question is, if you were one of the kids where your inheritance had been changed unfavourably, would you have wanted/expected someone else to tell you about it if they knew you didn't know?

Your posts are fairly confusing, your first post implied concern that some of the other disfavoured children might need the money. When people say it’s none of your concern you flip it around and say the inheritance will be a loss not an income…. If this is the case then it’s better to get less share? 🤣

Stay out of it. You DH is lucky to be benfiting from generational wealth - many folk on here would love a leg up to help pay down the mortgage or even to fund a decent holiday away.

Not all inheritences are plain sailing, however, so if it is a liability, best to refuse the inheritance and let the other 4 battle things out - never a more effcient way to cause bad blood in a family than a scrap over an inheritance

At this stage there is no inheritance, it's only an Inheritance when it's in your bank account after debts have first been settled.

I'm currently in a situation where my mum died earlier this year and left no will but a potentially sizeable estate to be split according to intestacy rules. Due to reasons I can't go into my brother, the other beneficiary has commenced litigation regarding the estate and bills are rising rapidly. What I think may be my Inheritance is slowly eroding.

Bear in mind that your MIL may need residential care, as a self funder you're looking at 1.5k a week minium for something reasonably decent, potentially a lot more.

And then there is Inheritance Tax .....

I'd forget all about it until MIL has passed away, the situation may well be very different.

Yes I’d tell them if I were you. Keep things honest and transparent because the mil sounds toxic, as do the majority of posters on this thread

But, stepchildren. They always are binned in a will. Cinderella was more fortunate

Maybe because she's compassionate and has a fair sense of decency!

@deargodno very clearly stated in the last 2 sentences, "we don't need the money and we don't have kids to think about. They do."

It's none of your business. You're saying it is because it will become a financial liability for you and Dh... so then don't accept it the inheritance.

Simple?

Well it is the OPs business if she can see coming down the line, a falling out between the siblings. The MIL will be dead then, and unable to confirm she wasn’t coerced by one of the favoured 2, she won’t be able to explain her reasons for this.

much better to have it out in the open.

It’s always a sensitive subject when a partner starts getting involved with their spouse’s family inheritance.

I know of one woman who got really worked up about Wills and the family business. Caused a huge falling out between her husband and his siblings. By the time the parents actually died she had divorced and the will was absolutely none of her business.

less said sooner mended. I would be raging if my brother in law was posting on the internet about what he felt my parents should do about their will.

And how would this ‘conversation’ go?
What my parents do with their money is their business. Were they to leave it all to my brother I’d assume they must have had their reasons and wouldn’t love them any less, nor would it affect my relationship with my brother.

She obviously has her reasons for doing what she’s doing. Wouldn’t it be good to think the children would in fact still be able to be close and support eachother? And come to the conclusion that relationships are more important than money.

@ohthejoys21
Just curious - did you totally miss the point whereby the MIL has brought this up herself, with the children who stand to benefit, deliberately not telling the others? And that this is why the OP and her DH now have a conundrum?

Did you miss this bit in particular?

We assumed everyone else knew about the situation but we recently found out that she's not told the other middle inheriter that she's changed the will, nor the one at the bottom. We think this is because she knows they're likely to be upset about it - she has an established history of favouring certain kids over others just generally, and it does upset my OH because he knows as a kid he was left out of things and never given as much time or attention.

My point is - there is already a starting point for this conversation and I think the OP and her DH are well within their rights to continue it.

If fil wanted to ensure money was left to his children, or any other person he would have specified this in his will. It is irrelevant what was said unless it formed part of the wishes in his will.
The money is now mils and she can leave her own money to whomsoever she pleases, including to Battersea Dogs Home if that is what she wishes. It is nobody else's business.
Coercion to attempt to persuade a person to change their will is unlawful and op is on very dodgy ground.

She's not thinking about the money. She's thinking about the family rift that she will be in the middle of when her cowardly MIL has gone.

whilst I am sure FIL trusted MIL implicitly this is why wills should be done as a cast iron record of what you want - not leaving all to someone else to sort it out for you on a promise they will do what you want. Things you never envisaged could happen. ( if you have specific wishes ) .

You’re quite right. He should never have trusted his wife. She’d proved she was a bitch while he was alive. TBH I can’t imagine why he thought she’d honour her promise to him.

It is her business if it is her husbands business

What a stupid comment.

Unlike most posters, if my DM told me this, I would (a) try to talk her out of it (b) tell my brother and (c) agree with my brother that I would do a deed of variation to balance it back out.

Because that’s how we roll as siblings.

That (if my mum's money hadn't all gone on care) is what I planned. My mother left a very unfair will (favouring me) but as soon as she told me that she'd done, I pledged to even things up.

Why do you think it's OK to pressure a testator to leave their money in a way you would prefer? It's unlawful to do that.

Your comment adds nothing to the discussion and shows your naivety and ignorance of such matters.

The law in England operates in a way that allows a testator total freedom in her choice of beneficiaries. It's nobody's business how mil leaves her money. The clue is in it's 'her money'.

Beneficiaries can refuse. Wives unless named as beneficiaries cannot.

And also when it's been made her business by MIL talking to her about it.

Definitely don't tell anyone what you think you know.

It might not be the truth. MIL might change her mind again.

Beneficiaries can arrange a Deed of Variation when the time comes if they feel it's necessary.

OP has said absolutely nothing about pressuring MIL and it is also very clear she is on here on behalf of herself and her DH, given this is a matter that will impact their family finances.

I tell my DH my DM's plans for her will and he occasionally makes suggestions, tax wise (which I have already made, but hey, I think HINBU to make them, as the inheritance will be family money, as and when).

In any event, OP is asking what - if anything - she and DH should tell the other potential beneficiaries, not about how to change MIL's mind etc, so before you start saying PP's comments are adding nothing to the discussion...

Sorry where is the coercion?? I literally asked whether OH should tell the others or not so they all have the same information as him.