Dating Thread 250 - Autumn

[librauk]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Such a good Update Elle, we're all rooting for you both!

I'm a guy & when a female friend on the dating apps saw the shirt off blokes she'd say ooh I quite like him & I'd look & say he's a bell end really she'd say, why?

I get it if you are just after sex, but she was late 30s & definitely after a settle down forever relationship & a bright intelligent lady, but still she fell for it, so I guess that's why some blokes do it, appeals to some of the audience.

@ElleintheWoods I get that I'm considerably older and my formative dating years would have been in a different century 😆 but your description of how things are going with Mr Workcrush is just how I think a good relationship would ideally start.
It sounds lovely to me. As @Dauntedbydating says we are all rooting for you both 😆

@RadiantRainbow I completely concur with @CallmePaul any topless torso photo is an automatic delete as indicative of total bell end 😆

Exception may be in they are in the sea and there is no large fish involved.

Well after chatting to Mr used to be local daily for a couple of weeks including while I was on holiday, we planned to meet tomorrow. And now he’s disappeared.

Messaged me Wednesday evening asking if I’m home from Crete and looking forward to meeting at the weekend. I replied yes to both, mentioned a few things about work and the weather now I’m home and ended with xx

I sent a good morning and have a good day message yesterday morning and no reply ( he’s messages every morning previously). Sent a quick ‘how’s your day yesterday evening and again no reply.

So after 2 weeks chatting he disappears 24 hours before we’d planned to meet up.

@TwistedWonder - how rubbish 😒

I had a similar one a couple of months ago; had planned to meet up (but it was him on holiday) then he just didn't contact me.

So I left things. Suspect he met someone on holiday 😟

But poor behaviour/communication from him - you've dodged a bullet there.

@TwistedWonder that's so crap, I'm sorry that has happened. It sounded promising too.

It's happened to me a few times now, first time was fairly early on in my OLD venture and I hadn't been expecting it. I found it really difficult, 3 weeks of lovely chats and then he ghosted me just before we were due to meet. Now I'm just expecting it to happen all the time.

I think some people never actually intend to meet and others aren't in the right space to be dating in the first place so when the reality of a meet up hits they freak out and it's easier to disappear than meet up or communicate about it.

Thank you 🙏 - thing is it was him who suggested the date, he usually messaged first etc. Even when I was away, he messaged every evening asking what I’d done that day so he actually possible seemed keener than me - even though I did let him know I was definitely up for meeting tomorrow.

It’s shit as he was literally the only chat I had from OLD. I found the rest of them a total waste of time.

But oh well better to know now. It’s just such a waste of our time though.

That's exactly what OLD is - a big investment for poor returns - and all the headspace is takes with bloody messaging!

That's why I only do it every 3-4 months.

Lucky if I get 1-2 dates from that.

But that's all the time & effort I'm prepared to make, in order to protect my sanity.

@TwistedWonder I had one recently who I had brilliant chats with, he was funny and sweet and seemed really keen. He suggested meeting up, messaged me the night before to check what I drank in case he turned up first and then on the morning he cancelled. At least I supposed he told me rather than just vanishing or not showing up but total waste of time and another head fuck.

I think you are right @ProseccoOnTap, probably best only to use OLD for short periods of time and have regular mental health breaks. Although I'm rubbish at that myself. Every time I say I'm taking a break I get drawn back in.

I do have two chats happening just now that feel really positive and a date lined up tomorrow with one of them but trying to keep my expectations very low as for all I know they both might vanish on me before we even get to the first meet up 😆

WRONG THREAD! Its not my day 😂

@BloodyWolves its not really the wrong thread if you are talking about dating ha

@Singleandnotsureifreadytomingle Omg! I posted (don’t know if the original post is still there!) about having a second ‘house date’ today with the guy from last week and nerves. After I posted it I thought I’d put it on the beauty advent calendar thread 🤦‍♀️. I’m quite pleased to see I didn’t! 😂

I read ur post - edited posts are still there lol

What times the date?

Sorry! Deffo wrong thread 🙄

He’s running late and due to turn up any time now. I’m so nervous! I’m also starting to get a little bit anxious that I’m going to get stood up! I don’t think he’d do that but you never know.

Oh god i hope he does turn up. I have no advice but if he is hung but turns you on then it shouldnt technically hurt but also if he is hung and hard then he finds your body attractive lol I am no good at this sort of thing but the best of luck with it and hope it goes well for you :)

I text, he said he’ll be here after one. I’m just sitting here thinking, great, more time to panic!

I didn’t find him as attractive as I hoped on the first date but I think it may have been me. I was on my period and grumpy and really didn’t want to be on a date when I could be home watching Netflix. He did strike me as a really nice guy though and I’ve always been a bit more of a grower when it comes to attraction. So I’ve taken a try before you buy approach and I hope it pays off!!

Its either there for me at the off or it never will be but i have friends that go the other way and its worked for them too. I wont ask how you know he is hung but I am hoping you somehow have proof and not taking his word lol

I know people who need the instant attraction and I can totally see why. I just need to not find them repulsive! If they have a nice personality after that I can give it a try. I’m a bit nervous he’s going to turn up and I’m not going to feel anything though. I do think maybe it would have been wise to have gone for a second ‘normal’ date first.

Definite proof! He told me he was and I didn’t take any notice of it because every guy you speak to online or otherwise says that and they all genuinely believe it as well. But a few days later conversation got a bit heated and he sent a picture and I nearly run in the opposite direction!

Could be a long lens 😂

😂 @Singleandnotsureifreadytomingle

We are absolutely going to need an update on this one @BloodyWolves!

Ok! I’m back! I’m still not sure about him.

First of all… he wasn’t lying, yes he was hung and I will sing his praises in that department! He knew how to use it along with other things! I’m really glad that if nothing else comes of it, I got some good sex.

I’m still not sure if there’s much of a connection though. Conversation doesn’t always flow. It can, then it dries up and there can be awkward silences. I know this will divide opinion but we went out for food afterwards and he kind of did the awkward stand back so I paid out of embarrassment. This would bother me less, if I hadn’t paid for both his coffee and his drink last time we met. I will say he has a 50 minute drive to where I live but that doesn’t excuse everything. I’m really sensitive to this. I paid for everything in my last relationship and it really ground me down so this is a major red flag for me.

Positives are he is clearly very intelligent and when he does go all into a conversation it’s interesting. We have a fair amount in common and he’s not a fussy eater! Another thing that drove me insane in previous relationships.

If he's mean at the outset, he's likely to remain so.
Would be a red flag for me too!