Dating Thread 250 - Autumn

[librauk]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Agree. I’m happy to split the bill, go round for round or pay alternate dares however anyone not even getting their debit card out and making at least a gesture to contribute would be an instant red flag and a huge no for me.

I hate meanness.

Anyway did you go back home after the food or did he go home then?

@BloodyWolves I feel sad that you felt it was embarrassing for you not to pay for him 😐

I would have just told the waiter I am going to pay for my half, esp if you already paid first time round, it would have been weird for me that he wasn’t even suggesting to pay for both of you second time round or at the very least for himself, for me it would have been instant goodbye.

My exH of many years is very well endowed (like scarily so), but the sex was never great and because the marriage was so unhappy and he turned so evil and mean to me after the split up I actually really really don’t want to ever see a massive dick again 😂 because it would just remind me of him.

Recent bf was much smaller and it didn’t matter in the least 🤷‍♀️ I was without any sex over 2 years in between but the toys I used, for instance, were smaller than the bf’s size and it was fine, I definitely want to say the size thing is overrated. The bf’s stamina though ☺️ that was something else 🤭

Oh, and ex H was the least generous person and his obsession over any spending was one of the major reasons of our marriage falling apart but even he paid for everything in early dating…

@BloodyWolves agree with others about the pay thing, very tight already at the beginning... but would you consider keeping him as fwb if sex was great? 😉

Sooo back on the apps again
I still cannot get over what some put in their profiles
This one in particular
You should not go out with me if
YOU'RE A DICK !!!

@librauk see i would be tempted to message him and say in that case we would be a perfect match.

@Singleandnotsureifreadytomingle
Brilliant, if I see the profile again will definitely do that
I am just not that quick .

Hi, I'm doing online dating and just want to ask if this would annoy you or if I'm just being overly sensitive?

I've had a couple dates with a guy, he seems OK, we got on well during the dates and have the odd message (such as how was your day etc?) I am currently looking for a new job as I'm on a threat of redundancy and just casually told him on the 2nd date I had an interview Friday and they'd probably let me know Monday.

This morning he messaged to say good luck hope you get it 🤞 which is fine but then a while later messaged "and the lads hope you get it too 😉" (I assume he means the lads at his work).

The lads comment for some reason really annoyed me! Am I just being sensitive? I'm quite a private person so not sure if it's that or: we've only had 2 dates so why is he telling his work mates about my interview? Why if he did feel the need to tell them did he need to tell me adding pressure? It's too familiar too soon? Telling them just adds to the pressure of the news if I got the job or not?

Or am I just being too sensitive? I didn't reply.

My problem is I am and I can be very scathing. I am still seeing the guy I met from hinge (unhinged we call it now cos of the asd/adhd thing we both have) and we mentally bounce off each other so so well. I am aware the things I say to him and vice versa would have another person lock us up but works for us!

@Healingsfall maybe he is just letting you know he has told his pals or work pals about you?

@Healingsfall

Id find that a pretty strange comment after 2 dates tbh but think I’d let it go for now unless anything else occurs to make me go hmmm.

I’m very very private too so I get exactly what you’re saying but I wouldn’t react. Just carry on as if he hasn’t said it

Yeah and that's fine he's talked about his dates, I guess it just felt too familiar and added to the pressure of the job interview/outcome. I specifically only told my mum and a colleague, and just casually mentioned it to him. Lesson learnt on my part as next time I won't say anything 🙂

Oh he may not have actually told the lads about you or your interview at all he may think he is being cute by letting you think he is so enamoured with you that he has told them about you? I dont know and I have audhd so maybe I see things differently!

Then that would be even more strange! 😅

Had 2 dates over the weekend with Mr Keen Dog.

I'm in my 50's & it's slim pickings on OLD, with very few decent blokes out there.

Friday was drinks & Tapas, Sunday a walk with his dog.

This one seems pretty decent - he's very respectful, has a kind side & empathy, good sense of humour, holds down a decent job & is a good conversationalist.

Just not sure I fancy him that much, just superficial stuff like glasses/clothing needing an update.

But he's very keen & lovely so hoping for a bit more chemistry. Am never sure after date 1. In fact, I've got in to lots of trouble before with too much chemistry!

I mean, he has decent grammar. Worth a punt…

I’m still seeing Mr Local. Stayed over this weekend, went for dinner and just spent the whole day doing not very much on Sunday. It was so nice - he had even bought my favourite snacks, wine and dairy free milk for coffee. We had a chat about being exclusive, particularly as he had told me that he has feelings and is falling for me - I do reciprocate, but also said we need to slow down a little as it’s still really early days.

I also don’t believe he is love bombing either, he does what he says he is going to do, consistent and amazing communication, plus planning ahead for what we want to do next.

I am particularly mindful as everything is great, no red flags me or my friends can see (and I have interrogated ‘us’ at length with them 😂) but still… I think I’ll feel more at ease and not like I’m waiting for something to go wrong once we have met friends/family (not kids), a few more sleepovers and how we react when things go wrong or we fall out over something.

But it also feels like this could be epic 🙈

@ProseccoOnTap - glad to hear about the two dates! What about an activity date? I would give it another date or two if you see some potential even if no immediate attraction.

@ProseccoOnTap I’d give it another date too.

Thanks - I'm definitely giving it another go.

So frustrating that with the last couple of men I have dated, everything has been great on paper apart from the chemistry.

But I do like him enough to give it another shot, just don't want to mislead him.

@LittleFloatingGhost
Excellent update , Happy times ahead .

Hi all, so I just replied yesterday when he messaged to ask if any next about job to which I just replied "didn't get it" x . A short while later he tried to call me through WhatsApp, but I ignored it. I did reply later to his next message telling me what a bummer about job to which I just replied "yeah but it's fine, they'll be other opportunities".

I'm probably coming across as a bit cold but 2 dates in is far too early for someone I don't really know to try and call like that under the circumstances of not getting a job. Maybe they're being kind (which of course it is) I'm more interested in getting to know someone slowly rather than someone offering emotional support like that after a couple of weeks of meeting.

It's making me wonder if, after 3 years of being single and becoming content with that, I'm not ready/no longer interested in dating because my tolerance is low? In this circumstance I would have just said "that's a bummer, keep trying and applying for jobs", which is a nice response rather than trying to call etc. I'll know next time not to say anything and if I get a new job just say then.

Healingsfall Has he phoned you before? Just wondering if he's the type of person who prefers to call rather than text & he could have just been calling for a general chat? Sorry about the job. It's so hard yo know when we are 'ready' to date isn't it.

LiitleFloatingGhost Lovely update, sounds like it's all going brilliantly. I'm really happy for you!

librauk It's grim isn't it. Today's profiles.

Ideal date : 'Drink then 69'

& 'I hope that you aren't mental. Not dating a mental b'.

@Healingsfall

Im a bit like that, I hate unsolicited phone calls. I prefer if we’re exchanging messages for them to say ‘can I call it’s easier’ rather than just presume you’re free to talk

I can see why this one seems to be pushing your boundaries already but it’s quite minor things that maybe it’s worth a quick chat to set both of your expectations rather than write him off just yet.

He hasn't ever phoned before, he did it when I said "no didn't get the job." So I think it was more of a oh no, are you OK then, type call. Which is lovely in a boyfriend but too "emotional" for 2 dates in.