Dating Thread 250 - Autumn

[librauk]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

And on the subject of photos, I recently refreshed my Hinge profile so that 4 out of 6 photos are from the last 6 months. The others 2 photos are from the last couple of years but closely resemble what I look like now.

How old / recent are everyone's OLD photos?

Mine are all from last summer to December. So the last 6/8 months.

My photos are all this year however I've just been on browsing under a male profile to see how women my age present themselves and am now seriously depressed 😔 😁

I think i might need to get some better photos done. Mine are all from nights out etc and I thought I looked OK but these women are seriously glam, tits and legs out, look incredible. Mind you that's not me anyway.

Do people really need tick lists to analyise dates?

Can't people just go by general feeling?

How many ticks does a guy need?

I’m off the apps at mo but I’ve always used the most recent pics I have, always within last 12 months and usually more recent than that.

I always include at least one full length pic

How many photos a guy would you want to see?

What do you mean?

I read it as just an awareness of these things you could think about, as opposed to recommending doing this after every date. I think it could be helpful if you’re on the fence.

I do legs out (I've got tiny tits so can't go there) but not in a 'glam' way. I wear shorts a lot in summer so in a couple of my photos I'm in shorts and a playsuit.

It's better to be yourself than try to compete in a way that's not natural to you.

I guess so. Every time I've been on a date the men have said I look much better than my photos. So i suppose there's that positive.

Sorry! Typing error.

Ideally how many photos would you like to see on a guy's profile?

One thing I hate is when every photo on a guy's profile is a group photo and you have to work out which one he is. 🤦‍♀️

I also don't like it when every single photo is a selfie. I just think, does he not have friends or family who take photos of him?!

I know, I know, I'm obscenely picky... 😂

Ah ok well it's nice to see a few tbh from different angles and of him out and about doing interesting things. A main face shot and then a couple others.

On holiday perhaps, hiking, puts me off if there's other people in any of the photos though. He should zoom in on himself and cut the others out.

I hate the group photos especially if that’s the main profile pic as I think ‘o hope it’s that one’ and it’s invariably not the best looking one 🤣

I like to see at least 3/4 photos as I’ve seen 1 pic where I think ‘yeah he’s on’ then I scroll through and think ‘ooo no’

All of my photos are recent (oldest from this July), and I'd hope that for guy's profiles too. I've been on a few dates where it's obvious that all pictures in the profile are old (at least few years if not more). I'd want at least 1 full body pic, a close up of face, some activity/ holiday etc (but not a group shot). And present themselves as they are today - my pet peeve is having pictures with little beard, no beard and then a massive beard, or short hair and long hair... Like what am I going to get IRL?!?

Hope you’ve not read my posts about a guy who pursued me for months rather publicly and then decided it was a no-go just before he was going to get into my pants 😂

Unbelievably we had a coffee this week and his mum has called me 😆 The only explanation I have at this point is that he’s gay!

Guys these days are funny about sex though, really funny. I almost don’t trust the ones that really go for it anymore! With one guy for example I had to make very clear what was going to happen by inviting him to a romantic cottage 🙈

In what way did she look different?

@ElleintheWoods on the subject of sex I have suggested Mr Tradie comes over tomorrow rather than going out. It feels so presumptuous as a woman to be suggesting this! And if he does come over I have no idea what we'll do before sex - just drinks and chat? Takeaway? Should I cook dinner (hopefully not because my cooking is shocking)? Drinks and nibbles? I am so out of practice at this!

And to add we have already had sex so I don't know why I feel weird about inviting him round!

Drinks and chat / watch something. Order in if you're hungry, but personally I hate feeling full from food while I have sex. Eating beforehand then getting tipsy on the 'date' works perfectly for me.

I know what you mean about being out of the loop. The last time I invited a guy I had just started dating round for sex was ex-DP and that was 4 years ago!

Anyway, I'm beyond jealous - have fun! 😁

@Crushed23 ahhh it might not happen! I suggested a range of things, one of which was staying in and he said I can choose. God what is wrong with some guys, you'd think he'd be jumping at the chance!

I went round for nearly sex last night, and we ate first. But you could offer just drinks, I guess, if you don't want the faff of cooking. I was happy for him to cook for me, as I am so over cooking. But I do agree I like to not feel very full if we are having sex. Going round again tomorrow, he's cooking again and I'm planning actual sex this time....

Does one need to do anything before sex?

I quite like it in the early stages when you’re so passionate about one another that you start kissing at the door and it just goes from there…

Dinner/ drinks are then usually had after with a bit of cuddle and chat.

Maybe ask if he wants food, going to someone’s house I hate nothing more than having a surprise meal sprung upon me when I mostly signed up for, erm, the sex. My ex was the same, dinner = no sex.

Oh and guys seem to love the ‘we can do whatever you want’ line. Suppose it seems gentlemanly to let the lady decide? I do like it a bit more decisive and him planning things though, as long as they aren’t making plans I’d dislike, eg karaoke.

I am so glad I'm Generation X! There seems to be a whole new etiquette around sex for younger generations, which is obscenely complicated and frankly a huge turn off.

Having dropped one of my 3 OLD connections, I met up with another one and then spent the following night with him. Had a fantastic time!

Do not eat before sex! If it doesn't take off in the hallway, then invite him in, sit him down and offer a drink. Then sit right beside him - invade his personal space! If he doesn't take over from there, then go and get yourself a drink and have a rethink!

She had clearly used heavy filters for her pics and she was A LOT bigger than I expected. I knew she wouldn’t be small as she never sent any proper body shots but I was scared she’d eat me for desert.

She wants continue as FWB, I’m not physically attracted to her , but I guess I’m a little sexually attracted to her due to the sexting and pics prior to the date, but FWB has never really been my thing.

I also think we text so bloody much. We both ran out of things to say or ask that hadn’t already been discussed over text!!