Dating Thread 250 - Autumn

[librauk]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Spectacular advice. I forced myself on my bloke Wednesday night, he didn't know what hit him 😅😉

Can I join your generation ha? Spectacular advice indeed.

Honestly, if I’m having a sexual relationship with somebody, sex really should take off in the hallway!

I don’t really tend to follow any etiquette or rules once we are in a physical relationship. Just do what feels right in the moment.

I’d be prone to label it ‘mutual lovebombing’.

When I first became single, a stranger asked for my number in a very romantic way, and we then had a similar experience, texting 24/7, becoming extremely close over text. When we then went on our actual dates, it turned out we were quite different in real life from the personalities we had projected onto each other. In truth we were probably both just desperate for a connection and validation at that time and went ‘wow, this person is everything I’ve ever wanted’.

Can you tell when someone has used filters from the pics? Sometimes they’re so glaringly obvious but I’ve noticed a lot of guys can’t tell.

How important is body size/ shape actually? Some of the men I’m friends with tend to say more about some women being too skinny, but I think what they’re after is more ‘size 12 curvy’ as opposed to someone technically obese…

Would you say you have a body size type and stick with it or if the woman is attractive overall and has a winning personality, it doesn’t matter whether they’re skinny/ curvy/ whatever?

I do vaguely have a preferred male body type, but pretty open to wandering outside of it.

And ‘no full body pics’ = probably has body insecurities?

@Jojo855

Id say if you’re not attracted to her physically and FWB isn’t what you’re looking for, then it would be a bad idea to continue meeting.

I don’t really understand why people use heavily filtered/old photos which give a false representation. I’d rather say ‘this is me’ from the start and not waste anyone’s time. It’s similar to the guy who told me he was 5’11 but was about 5’7 - did he think I wouldn’t notice?

I know, I'm a very definite 5 7 so have been surprised that a lot of the men I've met up with have overstated their height. Why do they do that? It's a bad start as they have lied and look insecure straight away. Just own what you are and rock it with confidence.

I don’t really understand why people use heavily filtered/old photos which give a false representation. I’d rather say ‘this is me’ from the start and not waste anyone’s time. It’s similar to the guy who told me he was 5’11 but was about 5’7 - did he think I wouldn’t notice?

@TwistedWonder

Me neither. I also think if a guy is going to judge me for less than perfect skin, or crows feet, or whatever else people filter, then I don't really want to attract that kind of guy!

Dr Rachel Fry, the mathematician, has a great presentation on the game theory of OLD. She says that you shouldn't hide imperfections but actually flaunt them, because some people will really like those imperfections and the people that don't will rule you out even if the imperfections are toned down / obfuscated but still noticeable. She gives the example of Sarah Jessica Parker's nose. Some people think it makes her unattractive while others think she looks great and it gives her face character.

I do think height is a little different, to heavily filtering pics.

I'll admit I'm 5'9 and a half but I'm 5'11 on the apps. The diiference in Matches between 5'9 and 5'11 is night and day. I actually have height insoles that I wear on the first date which make me a shade under 6' , and by the time we see each other with shoes off, well, lets say height doesn't matter as much 😂

I have no idea how someone can filter out two rogue chins and HUGELY slim down their face but I guess with practice it becomes easy!

@ElleintheWoods in answer to your question re body size, I'd far rather a curvy 12 or 14 who is very body confident over a size 6/8 who worries about what they eat and is horribly vain.

People always say looks don't matter, its all about the personality. Lets be honest, this is bollocks, you HAVE to fancy a partner, there has to be something which is physically attractive to you, otherwise they are better off as a friend.

Like most women I take the height on a man's profile with a pinch of salt and subtract 3 inches straight away.

Wearing insoles on a date because you're insecure about your height is ridiculous, I'm sorry. Most women just want a man who is taller than them and aren't any more picky than that, and at 5'9 you are taller than the vast majority of women.

I do think height is a little different, to heavily filtering pics.

Disagree. Both are false representation and imo lying. And to me a lie is a lie, regardless of what it’s about

Either would be a deal breaker for me as is knocking a few years off age.

It pisses me off. I'm not attracted to men smaller than me. I've met up with guys and as soon as I see them and they're smaller than they claimed I want to leave. They've wasted my time.

Agree. I’m 5’6. My ex H and my DS are both just touching 6ft so I’m pretty good at knowing how 5’11 actually looks.

The same bloke who told me he was 5’11 also said he was 54 and then slipped up and mentioned going away for his 60th ‘next year’ birthday. When I pulled him up he said it was a typo on the app - despite his username being something like Steve1970.

They think we’re stupid

If I'm being really honest, I love tall men, like 6'2+. If they're athletic and somewhat muscly, all the better.

However, I am absolutely willing to consider a man who isn't tall as long as they are taller than me and they 'own' their height. I agree with @TwistedWonder lying about it is really offputting.

I know, instantly puts me off. You're a liar, about easily verified facts, what else do you lie about?

And "I'm actually 57 not 52 but can't change it....." why not? It takes a minute to delete the whole profile and set it up again correctly.

That’s the way I look at it. If they can lie about age and height, then what else are they lying about?

Its dishonesty from day one and that’s not the way to start a relationship

The fact the age is always wrong that way round i.e. making them younger by a few years, shows you it's bullshit. Funny how apps only ever glitch in their favour.

100% - other than the ones who’s profile says 50 but they look about 14 and say ‘I’m actually 32 but prefer older’

No thanks kid

I actually have had a couple say "I'm actually 30 not 50 but I like older women" tbh I had no complaints 😅

I've had a couple of very nice FWB in their 30s. Lovely men.

Im not into FWB - it’s just not for me.

I’ve got that on my profile (when I’m in the apps) but doesn’t stop the ‘I know you say you’re not looking for casual but…, brigade.

I also say I’m looking around my own age but still get swiped or messaged by 75 and 30 year olds.

But let’s be honest men only look at the pictures and don’t read the words

Speaking of age, I'm messaging a guy on instagram who I met out in the wild (a very rare non-OLD meet for me!)

He's definitely younger than me but he seems keen and I think he might be fun to hang out / have a casual fling with.

The issue is I think he thinks I'm much younger than I am - we met at a rave so he won't have got a good look at my face, and he made a joke about not understanding 'young people lingo' when I used a word he wasn't familiar with, even though I'm 5+ years older than him!

Do I mention my age? Or just leave it because he doesn't seem to care and this isn't going to be anything serious?

Maybe something to mention when we meet in person again?

I don't think men are as bothered about age as we are tbh. If they fancy you, go with it. I spent a happy evening recently snogging a guy in his 30s at a gig, he asked me how old I was so I told him to guess. He guessed 10 years younger which was still 10 years older than he was! I said "sure, let's go with that shall we 😉" making it clear that I was older. Didn't put him off in the slightest.

Hahaha I love this.

I think we're kindred spirits @PeachyKeane I love younger guys too 🥰

I put this one at 27, so I'm hoping he won't mind that I'm 35.

We didn't actually kiss when we met, just danced and flirted, but he has been driving the contact since so I'm just going to go with it.

I'll report back on any developments 😎

Did you see the guy from the gig again?

Is it really though?

Is it really any different to a woman wearing a padded bra or a shit load of makeup?

My ex, always wore a super padded bra, and I remember the first couple of dates before i saw 'the goods' I was like woah. I was wearing my height increasing shoes and by the time it became apparent we were both just enhancing what we had, it didn't matter and we had a (mostly) happy relationship for 2 years. She had lovely boobs and I was still 5 inches taller than her!

We all want to market ourselves as the best version possible, and the reality is 1.5 inches is barely noticeable to most people.

My 29 year old male next door neighbour is on OLD.

He says he often adds 1.5 stone to what women tell him.

Who on earth tells someone their weight on OLD?

I think your neighbour is talking shit. 😂

Besides, weight tells you very little, a bit like BMI, as weight can be distributed differently and muscle weighs more than fat etc. so two people with the same weight can look completely different.

Would you know what 9 stones looks like on a random person you haven't met? You can't even guess dress size from that.