Marrying my non EU partner good idea?

[K900]

Hi all,

My girlfriends visa expires soon and the only way for her to stay in the country will be to get married. I do love this girl but marriage does scare me as I never thought I'd get married this young. However if I don't marry her I will likely never see her again. Also marriage would open up a lot of doors for her in the future and give her the chance at a much better life. I enjoy spending time with her and feel I would miss her a lot if she was to leave. I think I'd be willing to give marriage a go with her as I'd really like to spend more time with her and give her a much better quality of life. If it didn't work out after a few years we could always separate I guess? Has anyone ever been in this situation or have any experience like this. We have been together 6 months. It seems a bit surreal to me but I don't want to lose this girl from my life forever. She is from Chile and I live in Ireland. Thanks

Being undecided if you want to commit is a really good reason not get married.

Six months in and under these circumstances it would be as sensible to marry the next person you met on the street.

Don't do it. If it's meant to be you'll both invest equally in terms of energy and it will work itself out. Marry in haste, repent at leisure was made for this situation. And in your early thirties you don't have years to wait before you're in the kids zone. It's got an expensive heartwrenching disaster written all over it.

There are literally millions of women out there you could marry and it would be a better decision than this.

What is your relationship history like?

Have you been in many serious relationships?

What even happens if you go abroad and she becomes pregnant? Then the relationship doesn't work and you can't bring your children home?

After only 6 months?

Don't be a fool!

So she’s not up for keeping the relationship over a distance? If she doesn’t think it’s worth giving that a go (and tbh I can’t believe she’s ’too emotional’ for that vs splitting), is she really in this for the right reasons?

Call me cynical but her effectively saying ‘marry me or we’re over’ is pretty basic emotional blackmail that screams visa and not the basis for a marriage.

I think you are already questioning it means it’s a no ..

you are not ready to commit ,

imagine knowing someone else for 6 months and deciding to spend the rest of your life with them .. You would be told you are rushing things - same applies here .

No don’t do it! Your young and yes may miss her or never see her again but what’s meant to be will be. I was 16 and back and forth with my first partner for 3/4 years (Turkey) god I look back now and breath a sigh of relief. I’m a different person. We had lovely times together but that wasn’t my forever. 6months is too soon plus if she wants a better life she can create that, you shouldn’t put that pressure on you. ALSO if you were to marry and separate you would still “legally” be required to support her. That may be with marital financial support or other means. I’m sure people have commented negatively but IMO you will grow and if she goes home and still makes an effort then you never know. Watch 90 day finance UK that will open your eyes!

We were thinking of Denmark Island Weddings. The cost there to get married would be €500. After that, I believe she could get a Stamp 4 visa

Is this your first relationship? I think you are being very naive.

I don't have a lot of relationship experience to be honest, I mostly preferred being single in my twenties. I have been broken up with before, but I've never broke up with anyone myself. Because the decision is in my hands I'm finding it quite difficult. It's a difficult spot for me as I really do love this girl but I don't know if I'm ready for marriage. I would love a solution where we could live together for another while before deciding. I'm trying to see if there is any countries in Europe where she could work without all the visa hassle

This is my longest relationship I've been in. I had a relationship last year that lasted 4 months but it was my fault that ended as I wasn't in the mental space to be in a relationship. However I am now, and I met this girl when I was better and we've had great times and experiences together. I'd be sad for it to end to be honest and it if I had a choice I'd like to move to a different country together where she wouldn't be under such strict visa conditions. She has a Chile Passport.

If you haven't a lot of relationships, please don't marry someone after 6 months. It's a bad idea but I think you know this.

I would rule out marraige completely at this point if I were you.

Explore where you can both possibly go on a working visa together. I would look for the longest one you can possibly find so you can really get to see what the relationship is like.

Can you take a career break?

I hate to say this but I've known 3 women, two from Brasil and one from Thailand lovebomb men for citizenship UK and all 3 were divorced within 3 years of getting their citizenship taking a lot of money with them.

One I worked with was absolutely open about why she did it, citizenship and money, she had married 4 and divorced 4, and had run through all her settlements. She and I joined on the same day and she said every woman should do it. No thanks love.

The other two were more coy about it but it was absolutely for one reason and that was purely transactional.

Don't do this, really don't even consider it, she might be lovely but if you are less experienced with relationships she can easily take you for a ride. The 🚩here si that she is unwilling to consider other options than marriage.

For your own sake and for the sake of any kids you might have had with her so she has you on the hook, say goodbye and find a decent woman who loves you because you are a kind thoughtful man and you deserve each other, not because you pity her.

This is actually her first proper relationship as well. I think we are both similar that we lack a lot of experience but I can tell her motivation is not a transactional one. She is a very pure and innocent girl, her main goal was to travel around Europe and see different countries. She was actually in Ireland 2 years ago but when her visa ran out last time she went to Spain for a year to work, illegally. She came back to Ireland at the start of the year as she liked it so much last time.

@K900 , She is a very sensitive and emotional person

In other words, she's trying to manipulate you into agreeing to marry her.

If she didn’t need a visa quickly would you marry her now?

That’s your answer.

I think that's the only option for her to stay in the country though unfortunately

I'm undecided on that. Probably not at the moment, ideally I'd like to date someone for 2-3 years before deciding that. But in this situation we don't have that time and I do like the connection we have together

Does anybody have any ideas where a Chilean passport holder could work and live without much hassle in Europe or else any other countries that would be good options?

Under no circumstances, whether she’s genuine or not.

Ireland Stamp 4 - does she comply with this essential requirement? I think you need to speak to an immigration lawyer before making a big mistake

Denmark Island is the go to place for marraiges of convenience according to Google. If they believe in Ireland that it's not a real marraige then I don't think they will grant her any visa. You'd want to look into this more before you waste all that money getting married in Denmark.

What exactly is "Denmark Island Weddings"?
I am from a neigbouring country to Denmark, and I have never heard of this.

You cant see whats right in front of you in plain letters because you feel bad for her.

Marry in haste repent at leisure

I'd do it!
It sounds like you don't have a lot of money so it's not like she can then take half your house, because you haven't got one. Also, the visa thing is an issue pushing marrage and if you want to be together or even just give it a proper go, you'll have to get married. You can always get divorced. I would just make sure you 100% don't have kids for ages.
I know four couples, from years back, who have faced this same issue and got married, when without visa pressure they wouldn't have.
One couple it was a completely fake marrage, both vocal about it, only for visa (although they lived together and clearly mad about each other). They were both in their very early 20s and didn't expect the relationship to last long term anyway. They split up a couple of years later. Last I heard she was still in UK.
Second couple again fake(ish) sound more like you and your partner than first couple. Both mid 20s. He actually went to live in her country with her after a couple of years. They split after about five years of marrage, she stayed in her country, he moved to third country.
Third couple, might have got married anyway in the future but visa issues speeded this up. Married about 25 years, two kids, now divorced, both still in UK.
Fourth couple (this wasn't in the UK, it was in a different country but same issue). Been together about four/five months, certainly would not have married at the time, possibly ever, without the visa issue. Still together now, two adult kids.
These marrages all happened in the 90s.
Do you live together at the moment?

It's much too early in a relationship for you to be bearing this sort of burden and responsibility. 6 months in and you're already needing to be a 'family man' to save your relationship - that is a big red flag.

You both will have to do a long distance relationship and find a way to work it out from there. People do. Don't get married out of desperation because this is what it is for both of you.

That you've not had much experience in relationships may have made this worse for you. Use the logical part of you and see that it isn't a wise decision what you're thinking.