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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Marrying my non EU partner good idea?

247 replies

K900 · 21/09/2024 09:17

Hi all,

My girlfriends visa expires soon and the only way for her to stay in the country will be to get married. I do love this girl but marriage does scare me as I never thought I'd get married this young. However if I don't marry her I will likely never see her again. Also marriage would open up a lot of doors for her in the future and give her the chance at a much better life. I enjoy spending time with her and feel I would miss her a lot if she was to leave. I think I'd be willing to give marriage a go with her as I'd really like to spend more time with her and give her a much better quality of life. If it didn't work out after a few years we could always separate I guess? Has anyone ever been in this situation or have any experience like this. We have been together 6 months. It seems a bit surreal to me but I don't want to lose this girl from my life forever. She is from Chile and I live in Ireland. Thanks

OP posts:
Relevant · 22/09/2024 04:12

Oldseagull · 22/09/2024 03:56

You poor gullible fool.

You need to get better at spotting manipulation.

When the inevitable 'surprise' baby makes an appearance soon you will be truly screwed.

How old are you?

Relevant · 22/09/2024 04:38

K900 how old are you?, follow your heart, weigh up pros and cons.

farfromideal · 22/09/2024 14:51

You are quite gullible, aren't you? If I were in her situation, I would have also tried to meet someone like you, ready to marry me and provide me with a EU passport. In a few years, she can apply for Irish citizenship, get divorced and go somewhere with better climate. Life sorted!

Listen to the people in this thread and stop being such a mug.

ToBeDetermined · 22/09/2024 15:00

https://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/returning-to-ireland/residency-and-citizenship/returning-to-ireland-with-your-de-facto-partner/

This says she may be eligible for a non-EEA de facto partner visa.

“A de facto partner is a partner, including a same-sex partner, who you are not married to or in a civil partnership with. Your relationship must meet all of the following criteria:
You and your partner are in a mutual and committed relationship to the exclusion of all others like a marriage or civil partnership in practice, but not in law
You have been living together for at least 2 years
Your relationship is genuine and continuing
You are not related to each other by family”

She just needs to apply from Chile.

Bringing your non-EEA de facto partner home to Ireland

A step-by-step guide to the immigration process for your non-EEA de facto partner. Outlines the process for bringing your de facto partner who is not from the EEA, the EU, the UK or Switzerland, home to Ireland to live and work.

https://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/returning-to-ireland/residency-and-citizenship/returning-to-ireland-with-your-de-facto-partner

farfromideal · 22/09/2024 15:44

"You have been living together for at least 2 years"

So no chance for the kind of visa that the previous poster mentions

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 22/09/2024 15:46

Please don’t. And make sure you are taking full responsibility for contraception, or you may end up with an anchor baby and parental ( financial) responsibility for the next eighteen years when you are very young.

ManonDe · 22/09/2024 16:00

I echo everyone. No. I'm from a non-EU country and married UK DH. But we had been together for a few years. 20 years now. I still say no. You are too undecided and have not been together long enough to be sure.

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 22/09/2024 18:37

I've known my partner for 7 years. Long distance relationship with quite a few frequent flyer miles between us. We have a documented history going back years and it still isn't going to be easy to get the Visa to live in the same country permanently. We have no problem proving the relationship it's the financial side of things due to the nature of our lifestyles that makes things more difficult. It really isn't that easy as just get married.

K900 · 22/09/2024 18:42

justfornow1 · 21/09/2024 23:26

UK spousal visas require you to have been together for minimum two years. I assume Ireland would be similar but I don't know.

In Ireland it's two years, but the plan was to go to Denmark Island weddings and then when we come back she can get Stamp 4 to work and live here for two years. After 3 years together she would be eligible for Irish Passport

OP posts:
K900 · 22/09/2024 18:45

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

I understand this, the only thing is that it is expensive to get a flight from Chile to Ireland. I have said this to her but she is too emotional to understand this. I can see her love for me is genuine. Her only option is to go to a European country for 1-2 months on a tourist visa while I could make up my mind about this.

OP posts:
Christl78 · 22/09/2024 18:47

K900 · 21/09/2024 09:17

Hi all,

My girlfriends visa expires soon and the only way for her to stay in the country will be to get married. I do love this girl but marriage does scare me as I never thought I'd get married this young. However if I don't marry her I will likely never see her again. Also marriage would open up a lot of doors for her in the future and give her the chance at a much better life. I enjoy spending time with her and feel I would miss her a lot if she was to leave. I think I'd be willing to give marriage a go with her as I'd really like to spend more time with her and give her a much better quality of life. If it didn't work out after a few years we could always separate I guess? Has anyone ever been in this situation or have any experience like this. We have been together 6 months. It seems a bit surreal to me but I don't want to lose this girl from my life forever. She is from Chile and I live in Ireland. Thanks

No, no, no!
just no. Please don’t.

K900 · 22/09/2024 18:47

ARichtGoodDram · 21/09/2024 11:28

If your best mate came to you and told you he was considering marrying someone he'd only known for 6 months so they could get a visa what would you say?

I see your point, but it's not for a visa. It's just to get a visa so we can stay together. Otherwise she will be deprorted or illegal here. She doesn't want to stay here for a visa primarily, she just wanted to come here for 6 months to experience the country

OP posts:
K900 · 22/09/2024 18:48

ManonDe · 22/09/2024 16:00

I echo everyone. No. I'm from a non-EU country and married UK DH. But we had been together for a few years. 20 years now. I still say no. You are too undecided and have not been together long enough to be sure.

I understand this, I think this sometime too, but unfortunately we both think a long term distance relationship probably wouldn't work or be ideal since she would live so far away

OP posts:
K900 · 22/09/2024 18:53

TheCultureHusks · 21/09/2024 11:17

To be entirely practical, you absolutely could marry and it’s not a mad idea if you think this COULD be the relationship for you. But do some things to protect yourself if so. Do not have children for a long time - 4-5 years at least. Divorce is possible, but if you have kids, you’re tied for life. Also think through finances. I wouldn’t make big financial commitments together that you don’t need, or especially DON’T make a commitment with your money only - if you buy property, be very clear about inputs and financial fairness.

But to be honest, after 6 months and unless you earn very well, it just may not be possible anyway.

I think what was scaring me the most would be divorce and legal costs if this happened. We would only be renting so definitely wouldn't buy anytime soon, kids definitely not anytime soon. If it didn't work out after 2 years I said we could cut our losses depending on where we are both at in life. It's just our relationship is a ticking time bomb due to the visa expiry. If we were married we would get an extra 2 years together and we could do plans we would like to do together such as travel more and get better careers for both of ourselves

OP posts:
Christl78 · 22/09/2024 18:56

K900 · 22/09/2024 18:53

I think what was scaring me the most would be divorce and legal costs if this happened. We would only be renting so definitely wouldn't buy anytime soon, kids definitely not anytime soon. If it didn't work out after 2 years I said we could cut our losses depending on where we are both at in life. It's just our relationship is a ticking time bomb due to the visa expiry. If we were married we would get an extra 2 years together and we could do plans we would like to do together such as travel more and get better careers for both of ourselves

Be aware that divorce in the UK menas that your spouse is entilted to 50% of ALL assets even before marriage.
ease don’t do this stupidity. Just let her go. You have only known her for 6 months.

K900 · 22/09/2024 18:57

FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 21/09/2024 21:09

She should have thought about that before she came. Her plan was to find a mug to marry her after 6 months. That's you.

I don't think it was to be fair, I can tell she's not in it for the visa and such

OP posts:
uncutdiamonds · 22/09/2024 18:57

30's is not that young, do you both want kids eventually?
I know someone who married for the passport. They're still together now. So it does work for some people. Of course it's risky

K900 · 22/09/2024 18:58

TenesseeWhiskey · 21/09/2024 23:31

My honest opinion. This is not an internet question. No one here knows the dynamics of the both of you but you and her. Only you know what to do. Tune in and listen to your intuition.

There are people that get married after two weeks and make it and some that land flat on their face. Only you will know…

Yes, I understand this. I guess the only thing worrying me is if after 1-2 years if we separated would it affect us both financial severely

OP posts:
K900 · 22/09/2024 19:00

BoxOfCats · 22/09/2024 01:04

Could you both move to another country where it's possible for you to stay and get visas? At least for long enough to determine if you truly want to marry her, other than for a visa?

I'd be open to this. Would you know any countries where this is possible? I'm from Ireland and she is Chile

OP posts:
K900 · 22/09/2024 19:02

Mudflaps · 22/09/2024 02:36

Please don't get married. You are around d the same age as my son and I would be advising him to do long distance relationship for at least a year before even considering marriage. She came on a student visa but is sick of attending classes because she's also working, what else did she expect to happen?? You do not know each other fully, she wants to stay in Europe and you are her ticket to do so, if she loves you she will accept that you are not ready for marriage and will be willing to try continue the relationship long distance but I fear you know deep down that she will not accept that and will probably move on very quickly

Yes, we talked yesterday about the long relationship idea, but she said she would find it very difficult to do this. She is a very sensitive and emotional person.

OP posts:
K900 · 22/09/2024 19:03

Seasmoke · 22/09/2024 02:49

She is using you to get herself out of Chile. Also even attempting this after 6 months will flag something up to the authorities and get you in massive trouble. She didn't really think through her student visa very well did she? She's tired and fed up of studying and working? How did she think she was going to pay for her food and accommodation?She playing you unfortunately.

She said she was planning on going to a Voluntary home for 1-2 months to a couple countries in Europe where you can get accommodation and meals provided but they don't really give you any salary

OP posts:
K900 · 22/09/2024 19:06

GingerScallop · 22/09/2024 03:49

Six months is too short to know each other although it's worked in many other cases. But it may also count again her in the visa application since they look at how long you've been together before marrying then applying for a visa. Am non EU and faced such intense scrutiny in my relationship when applying for visa here though I had been with my partner for 13 years (married for 6) and had lived in an EU country before. Also consider the cost: at least £4000 to £5000 with additional ±2000 for an immigration lawyer. And in all likelihood she will be asked to return to Chile and apply from there if her visa category will change significantly. This will add to costs.
Does she work? Could she apply for a work visa? Student visa if she's (interested in) studying. Could you move to Chile for a year or so? Easier for you visa and work wise, then you can see how your relationship goes.

And please don't marry her because you feel you can make her life economically better.

Good points, I've never been to Chile so don't know what it is like there. I would be open to moving to a different country with her to see if we could do something together. Would you know if any countries? Preferably English speaking as I don't have much Spanish. I have a little bit of French and German

OP posts:
K900 · 22/09/2024 19:08

GingerScallop · 22/09/2024 03:52

This. And every couple of years you have to pay shitloads of money and submit a ridiculous amount of documentation to stay. It's cost me over £10,000 in 5.5 years to stay with my husband and kids. And that's with a man I have been with for 19 years!

Really? I looked up in Ireland and it says you just need to be married for the Non EU partner to get a Stamp 4 visa and then after 3 years they can get Irish citizenship

OP posts:
K900 · 22/09/2024 19:11

uncutdiamonds · 22/09/2024 18:57

30's is not that young, do you both want kids eventually?
I know someone who married for the passport. They're still together now. So it does work for some people. Of course it's risky

Yes I think kids in 3-4 years. But again since it's been only 6 months I'm undecided if I want to commit

OP posts:
romdowa · 22/09/2024 19:17

Emigration will see right through this plan. Do you think she's the first person to try this ? You'd be crazy to marry someone you only know 6 months. How will she afford to pay for the process if she's a student and working? I'm guessing she's not earning a massive amount.