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Original poster

Just realised this about DH. is this normal?

172 replies

Cactustoy · 16/09/2024 09:55

I've always looked very young for my age but as I'm approaching 50 I can see it's starting to catch up with me!

I'm 7 years younger than my DH.
I've noticed that he criticises women on the TV (never men) about their looks, weight etc..
Just last night ' who's that chunky old thing'
This morning ' God she's looking old' - said about suzanna reid, who BTW looks fantastic!

He's not someone who thinks before he speaks but I've realised lately that it's made me more aware and scared of the aging process. I'm even considering botox!
I put a new top on the other day and he said something like ' that's nice, it makes you look younger'.
Am I being too sensitive? Do other DHs do this? Do they just think it and not say it?

OP posts:
Cupooee · 16/09/2024 10:00

Forget the botox unless you want it for yourself.
I would wonder about your marriage though.
I cannot imagine my husband in a million years speaking in such an ugly shallow way about women, or any man I know.
Do not think this is normal OP, it really isn't.
Decent men do not speak like this, it's really ugly and unattractive.
Are children hearing the misogynistic bile?

Lovethatforyouhun · 16/09/2024 10:00

No my husband would never criticise a woman’s looks. (No he is not perfect!).

Your husband sounds nasty and bitter, is he a young Brad Pitt himself? He sounds like a dirty old man.
Making you feel insecure is not ok.
Speak to him and ask him to stop.
Botox is not going to solve this.
If we are lucky we all get old.

Beth216 · 16/09/2024 10:01

Wow instead of pulling him up on it you think the answer is having botox? There's no hope for women is there.

Alalalala · 16/09/2024 10:03

Sexist prick. That’s your problem. Botox won’t fix it. I’m sure you look great without it!

YouveGotAFastCar · 16/09/2024 10:04

I can see why you'd be considering what he must think of you, and from that, it's not a big jump to considering botox... although from the opinions of his that you've shared, I wonder if he'd be very critical if that didn't turn out the way you'd hoped. It doesn't look super natural on everyone.

Has he always been quite critical of other people, or is this new?

I'd find this really difficult, if I'm honest. And I'd be concerned that he's on his way to becoming a very unpleasant old man.

pictoosh · 16/09/2024 10:06

My dh doesn't comment on things like that at all. Don't know how normal that is or isn't.

My dad on the other hand, he held a lot of stock by a woman's looks. If he was telling a story, he'd always include a critique of the woman involved.

"Ohh she was an attractive woman."
"Unfortunately she was a fat thing."
"And I can tell you now, she was a good looking woman."
"She wasn't a looker but still a lovely person."

I just thought he was a one dimensional twat tbh. It was clear what was the most important thing to him. Shallow. Lacking empathy.

pictoosh · 16/09/2024 10:09

To add...you do not need botox.
How's he looking these days?

betterangels · 16/09/2024 10:14

So, you're married to a sexist man, and your solution is to get botox to appease him? Marvellous.

MonsteraMama · 16/09/2024 10:16

Your husband is a cunt, and unfortunately there's no cure for being a cunt. Not even Botox.

Neverstophoping · 16/09/2024 10:16

YouveGotAFastCar · 16/09/2024 10:04

I can see why you'd be considering what he must think of you, and from that, it's not a big jump to considering botox... although from the opinions of his that you've shared, I wonder if he'd be very critical if that didn't turn out the way you'd hoped. It doesn't look super natural on everyone.

Has he always been quite critical of other people, or is this new?

I'd find this really difficult, if I'm honest. And I'd be concerned that he's on his way to becoming a very unpleasant old man.

I don't think he is " on his way to" being a nasty old man. I think he is a nasty man. I don't like using the epithet " old" about anyone. If it's wrong for him to comment on women's ages then it's equally wrong to comment on his. Besides his views on women and age are nothing to do with how old he is now: he has always probably had them but not vocalised them as he is doing now.

I don't understand OP why you should think you should have botox just because your DH is a misogynistic ageist man. What good will that do for heavens sake?

Yes by all means eat well, exercise, maintain a good skin regime, and generally do your best to look as good as you can - it will keep you looking good and feeling healthy and will be good for your self esteem. But we all get older. It's a natural process. If your DH can't accept that he is an idiot.

You be you and let him.get on with his bitter, ageist and sexist views. Give them the contempt they deserve.

Combattingthemoaners · 16/09/2024 10:17

Just keep reminding him that he’s probably no oil painting himself.

DaisyChain505 · 16/09/2024 10:18

Call him up on it.

Ask him why he think it’s ok to judge women on their looks but not men and does he think that’s all women bring to the table?

loropianalover · 16/09/2024 10:19

I put a new top on the other day and he said something like ' that's nice, it makes you look younger'.

You should have replied’ I am younger.. 7 years younger than you!’

I’d pull him up on this sooner rather than later. Ask him is he feeling insecure about his own ageing process and why does he feel the need to comment on people like that. Ask the questions bluntly and stay silent waiting for his response, whatever bullshit he retorts back just circle back to the question again, ‘ok… but what I am asking is, why are you feeling the need to be nasty about people lately? What is going on with you?’. Tell him he’s not nice to be around when he’s being rude about people, and that it’s very childish and awkward.

People skirt around these kinds of things too much. He’s your partner and you’re well within your rights to let him know he’s being a miserable git.

Icanttakethisanymore · 16/09/2024 10:19

My OH would never do this, but then he is very sensitive to not commenting on people's appearance in general. We have small children and it's important to both of us they don't grow up thinking about how they look. I am not making excuses for your DH (he should be able to work out for himself that this behaviour is incredibly sexist) however, he is in many ways reflecting society at large. Women get continuously scrutinised in the media and men don't. He may have internalised this without necessarily giving it much thought. I would talk to him and make it clear it's unacceptable and I would expect him to stop.

borogovia · 16/09/2024 10:22

I would assume that he will dump you when you are a bit older, and make your plans accordingly.

betterangels · 16/09/2024 10:25

borogovia · 16/09/2024 10:22

I would assume that he will dump you when you are a bit older, and make your plans accordingly.

Tbh I probably would start making plans. He sounds like the type to be looking at younger women.

BobbyBiscuits · 16/09/2024 10:25

He sounds rude and misogynistic. If he just like bitching about people on telly (guilty as charged) then surely he'd be slagging off the men just as much. And I wouldn't call anyone a 'chunky old thing.' calling a woman a thing because they aren't a 23 yo size six? I'd tell him he needs to shut the fuck up!

TerfTalking · 16/09/2024 10:26

Wow, your problem is not aging it is your husband.

If my husband spoke about women on the TV or in public that way, the last thing I would be doing is considering Botox. Take your blinkers off.

SallyWD · 16/09/2024 10:26

My DH never comments on women's looks in that way. He would never say a woman looked old or rough or chunky or whatever.
He's occasionally mentioned it to me if someone we know becomes very fat or thin, but he does this equally for men and women. It's more out of concern thing, never "Dont they look awful?". I think many of us would comment on this type of thing.

Foxblue · 16/09/2024 10:26

loropianalover · 16/09/2024 10:19

I put a new top on the other day and he said something like ' that's nice, it makes you look younger'.

You should have replied’ I am younger.. 7 years younger than you!’

I’d pull him up on this sooner rather than later. Ask him is he feeling insecure about his own ageing process and why does he feel the need to comment on people like that. Ask the questions bluntly and stay silent waiting for his response, whatever bullshit he retorts back just circle back to the question again, ‘ok… but what I am asking is, why are you feeling the need to be nasty about people lately? What is going on with you?’. Tell him he’s not nice to be around when he’s being rude about people, and that it’s very childish and awkward.

People skirt around these kinds of things too much. He’s your partner and you’re well within your rights to let him know he’s being a miserable git.

Great suggestions here - don't let it drop!

'Why do you keep saying stuff like that, you are nasty about women all the time and you specifically keep making comments about age, it's weird'
And then if he does it again I'd hammer it home 'oh, here's the nasty old man again, change the record will you'

This sort of behaviour really bothers me.
Have you been together a long time?

Shodan · 16/09/2024 10:26

Ugh.

He's just one of those creeps who thinks that he's an Adonis and is therefore in a position to criticise women. He probably thinks he can have his pick.

Forget Botox. That won't change his unpleasant personality.

offyoujollywelltrot · 16/09/2024 10:27

The last man who spoke about women like that in front of me, I threw out of my flat.

I won't tolerate it, and you definitely shouldn't. Please don't get Botox for that nonsense.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 16/09/2024 10:28

No, DH never does this.
I think the comment about a skirt making you look younger is pretty normal though, especially if a woman said it to another woman and even more so if it was a new haircut for example.
Coming from your DH though, probably not.

zeibesaffron · 16/09/2024 10:29

Your H is the issue what a horrible man! Tell him to fuck off!! Please think about you and your self esteem here I bet you look amazing just how you are so do not change!!

But his attitude needs to be stopped now - he is disrespectful and disgusting.

Blackberriesandcobwebs · 16/09/2024 10:30

Sounds like he's feeling his age (unfit, lost his hair etc?) and deflecting by upgrading to Victor Meldrew Miserable Git 2.0. I'd be having a chat with him about why hes being so nasty and whats really going on.