Just realised this about DH. is this normal?

[Cactustoy]

I've always looked very young for my age but as I'm approaching 50 I can see it's starting to catch up with me!

I'm 7 years younger than my DH.
I've noticed that he criticises women on the TV (never men) about their looks, weight etc..
Just last night ' who's that chunky old thing'
This morning ' God she's looking old' - said about suzanna reid, who BTW looks fantastic!

He's not someone who thinks before he speaks but I've realised lately that it's made me more aware and scared of the aging process. I'm even considering botox!
I put a new top on the other day and he said something like ' that's nice, it makes you look younger'.
Am I being too sensitive? Do other DHs do this? Do they just think it and not say it?

No, it’s not normal. He sounds like an unpleasant sexist pig. I would be tempted to start making similar comments about men on TV, especially ones his age / body shape. When he queries it, point out that you’re just doing what he does.

If you really want Botox, have it (though personally I think it’s ridiculous) - but please don’t do it for him.

Many women feel when men do this, at least it's not me, he thinks better of me.

Wrong.

This is how he thinks of you.
He is transfering his thoughts onto a TV personality but these thoughts are there, he is judging, weighing up, watching you age and he's not keen.

These high standards don't apply to him.

You picked the wrong man.

No. My H can be a bit mean (in a jokey kind of way) about people's appearances on TV etc but it's pretty even between men and women - it's just his (crap!) sense of humour. Also he fully acknowledges that he's not exactly a looker and a good few stone overweight himself 😅

If he was solely or mainly criticising women like your H I would have to call him out on it. That's grim.

Botox can't fix a misogynistic prick. You're seven years younger? How old were you when you met? At 35+ that age gap is nothing. If you were 18 it can be telling.

He sounds awful, and as the usual MN wisdom goes, you can easily lose 11 stone by ditching your husband.

My husband certainly doesn’t make those kinds of comments about women, or indeed about me. On the odd occasion where I’ve had a small moan about an aspect of ageing - chin hairs, for example - he’s just been sanguine about the fact that ageing isn’t a bad thing and that I’m the only person my chin hairs might bother. And I’m confident that wouldn’t change if I didn’t pluck them the second they appear, too :)

You don’t have an aging problem, you have a husband problem. He’s seven years older than you as well, so is already getting a great deal here, the cheeky fuck!

Dunno about normal, but I think that men, including older or even very elderly men, disparaging older women's looks is pretty common. Even when it comes to the most attractive older women. It's tactless and hurtful of him to talk like this in front of you but this possibly means he still finds you attractive and has you in mind as the exception to the rule. Perhaps you should tell him how upsetting you find it; he might stop if he realises.

There’s just no way this is a real post. Slow web traffic today, MumsnetHQ?

So many completely unbelievable threads these last couple of years, I’m surprised people still bother posting on them.

slow clap

What is going on in society that so many women, it really isn't just the op, would rather than this than be single?

It beggars belief.

No, we need to stop the secrecy and shame around things like incontinence that affect (predominantly) women, often after pushing out children for the ungrateful twats.

The more we can normalise these things, the quicker women will seek medical help and support without worrying about judgement.

It will also mean people have open conversations with friends, children and spouses.

It is incredibly important. Same as periods.

We aren't to be shut away in a hut until our nasty women's business won't affect men.

Defo a dh problem.
Dh is 62. I have ever heard him speak negativity about how a woman' looks either in real life or on tv.
He has never criticised my appearance, even when I put on weight and tells me I look lovely when I get dressed up. He's honest about clothes that I try on and ask for his advice. He has always been like this.
Your Dh sounds mean spirited.

My husband does this too. He will point out an imperfection on almost everyone but mostly women. He does it in front of my teen daughter which I really hate but we both pull him up on it. I do the opposite in front of him and will compliment something about a person.

I agree with this - my DH/partner of 32 years has never made a derogatory comment about any woman on the telly based on her appearance/age. He might give a WTF look at women wearing next to nothing on the catwalk/red carpet and ask why such beautiful women need to dress like that, especially when they are at a professional awards ceremony to celebrate achievement in their art form, but this comes more from a position of feeling sad that women at the top of their careers feel they are still judged on their sexuality/appearance.

I’m very sensitive to the fact that I seem to have aged significantly post menopause, esp as I used to feel I looked younger than my age, but that’s not as a result of anything my DH has said. He has always said/shown that he thinks I’m beautiful.

Op if your DH is like this about other women it is no wonder it eats at your self-esteem and self-image. I would seriously discuss his appalling attitude with him, but I’d also take a moment to think about whether it has been there all along and whether he has been undermining your self-esteem in other ways all along. If so, you might need relationship counselling… or a divorce.

Its reassuring to hear so many womens husbands don't make these comments. My husband does, and I do pull him up on it every time. His father is the same, both of my brothers, my best friends husband, my husbands auntie, his fathers companion, and some older friends of mine all make these comments. It would be easier to say who doesn't make such comments. My son doesn't, maybe it is a generational thing. Disappointing isn't it.

My immediate response to this would be to start slagging off men on the telly and see what he says, then you can shoot him down with both barrels 😁 always such a fun thing to do 😁🤣

What a horrible, horrible man. No this is not 'normal'.
Once, just once, my DH commented on Tom Cruise looking old and saggy in the face and I pulled him up on it immediately (stating let's hope you don't get like that then shall we, and also that the only reason women his age in Hollywood don't look like that is that they are not allowed to). He never commented again and he can think what he likes but commenting on the age of someone in such a way reflects very badly on a person. This much is clear.

I would very much struggle to respect or stay with a man who felt it ok to demean women - and by default me - like that. He will be horrible to grow old with. I don't know how you will do it. You should think about this seriously.

A few sarcastic well placed, ‘Thanks for that, Brad Pitt’ type phrases will be a lot cheaper than Botox. I remember my ex FIL waxing lyrical about the charms of a waitress who was serving us in a restaurant one evening. His wife, to took no shit from anyone, turned to him and said mildly, ‘You’d be dead in a week, Frank’.

OP, I think this is driven by his insecurity, it's a defense mechanism on his part. He's older than you so he's the one who's going to look older out of the two of you. The constant criticism of women's appearance is designed to make you feel insecure about your appearance so that you feel grateful to be with him when really it should be the other way around.

In answer to a few questions. Yes this is real 😕
Been together 10 years, but originally met many years ago, just didnt get together then . No children together.

I actually do think he is insecure about his own ageing, he's losing his hair. Hes not bad looking but he is not ageing well and does nothing to prevent this.
He drinks and smokes.
I'm going to speak to him about it, now I'm seeing things more clearly, and knowing it is fuelling my own insecurity.This is just one problem among many

My DH wouldn’t say these things…

She was much too kind to him!
Her coment implied that the gorgeous waitress might be prepared to shag him to death🤣

So he thinks women don’t want to know about something that may affect them, and men won’t want to know about something that may affect the women if their life? Why? It sounds like he thinks women as they age are basically revolting, and that everyone else should be shielded from the horror

No, injecting toxins into your face won't fix your sexist husband. No, it's not normal. Yes, there are decent men about who don't do this.

I just know this won't be the only problem in your relationship. Nice men don't say provoking sexist things negative about age to their ageing partners. I bet there's a whole heap of things where his behaviour is less than ideal.

It's the equivalent of you saying 'oh that man's aged so badly, look at his bald head! Must be the smoking and drinking'. If you don't say that, and I'm guessing you don't, think about why you are able to moderate your behaviour to be sensitive to his insecurities, but he can't do the same for you. Talk to him, but the remarks stop.