Just realised this about DH. is this normal?

[Cactustoy]

I've always looked very young for my age but as I'm approaching 50 I can see it's starting to catch up with me!

I'm 7 years younger than my DH.
I've noticed that he criticises women on the TV (never men) about their looks, weight etc..
Just last night ' who's that chunky old thing'
This morning ' God she's looking old' - said about suzanna reid, who BTW looks fantastic!

He's not someone who thinks before he speaks but I've realised lately that it's made me more aware and scared of the aging process. I'm even considering botox!
I put a new top on the other day and he said something like ' that's nice, it makes you look younger'.
Am I being too sensitive? Do other DHs do this? Do they just think it and not say it?

@Cactustoy Have you brought this up with him? maybe he doesn't realise he's doing it.

I would tell him that and tell him that judging anyone on looks is a really shitty thing to do and that you're disappointed that he would do that.

Keep pulling him up on this

As I get older, I realise that is nothing wrong with looking 'old' because I am! I just want to look good and stylish.

As the always wise Granny Weatherwax said : 'What doesn't get old, doesn't change. And what doesn't change is already dead'.

No, my DH is not like that. I deliberately married someone like him because my Dad is very critical of women’s appearances and can be appallingly sexist. I did not want to be like my mother, working out frantically at the gym five days a week, eating tiny portions and denying herself cake/puddings, and never wearing long skirts (“Your father likes to see me in short skirts”) or without a full face of makeup. The aging process was hard for her. My Dad has been on his own for the twenty years since she died because “Other women don’t look after themselves like your mother did.” The only slight redeeming element is that he didn’t want to date a much younger woman as he said they’d have nothing in common.

If I complain to DH about not liking my aging appearance, he either talks about how his face / body is aging too, or tells me I look just lovely. Which is frankly how the response of someone who loves you should be.

Please reread this OP and let the words sink in. The issue isn’t you and your natural aging process (or other women’s) it’s your buffoon of a husband.

What does he look like (not that that is any excuse for his attitude).

My dad does this (he’s 70) and it drives me nuts, just to add my dad is no oil painting and is obviously aging and out of shape so he’s hardly in a position to criticise others. It’s mainly weather women and news readers but can be anyone. My dad is single….for a reason 😬

My ex absolutely, he hated women, he loved me becuase I "wasn't like other women" until I became like other women. He would slag off anyone he walked past. Mostly women, fat, ugly, looking unhappy, sounding or looking "rough", too many kids.

My DP loves women, and absolutely worships me. I have actually never heard him criticise a single stranger and actually there are very few people we know, who are truly arseholes, I've ever heard him criticise at all. Sometimes I see someone My ex would have criticised and hear the comment in my head and its like I'm waiting for dp to comment on the person, like an obese woman, then realise that, no, he isn't going to slag someone off for how they look, or how they talk, he is actually just a lovely man that loves people.

If you find yourself trying to change yourself so you're not like the people your partner hates then I think you need to make a bigger change than botox I'm afraid.

Urge @Cactustoy my EX-h used to do this. It is disgusting. He was highly narcissistic and misogynistic and it was only when I left that I realised how abhorrent this was.

He used to compliment me but also add “you’d also look great with a boob job” or “you’d look great with that heavy makeup” makes me sick to think of it now.

This is awful! My mum makes similar comments (though about people's weight), she was here at the weekend and I shared three comments she made with my health and fitness whatsapp group - they were all horrified. I was doubting myself because she's always been like this but no, it's not normal, it's belittling and not acceptable from a loved one.

The “my DH/DP never does this” brigade may unfortunately be a bit deluded. I’ve overheard men I’ve always thought of as kind and respectful say shocking things about women when they are in the company of other men.

A man I worked with who frequently posts on SM about being an ally of women, proud father of amazing daughters etc was one of several men found to be members of a vile and sexist work WhatsApp group. They had created poll groups discussing which women in the office they would shag who would be best at giving various sexual services etc. He’s a top salesman so kept his job🙄

Congrats, you’re married to a shallow prick

There was a period of time when I lived without a TV for around 3 years (did not pay the license) and then got one - boy, did I comment on how presenters (male and female) aged and changed! It was truly astounding how they could have aged and changed so quickly. I think commenting on TV personalities is fair game, but if he does it about anyone else, this is not on.

My dh wouldn't comment in that way. And wouldn't limit any comments to women.
We might have a laugh about what a weather person is wearing for example . Or I might say that I like a tv person's outfit.

This covers my thoughts on your situation.

Unfortunately I guess the majority of men your husband’s age and older are like this. Hopefully this attitude will die out with them but in the meantime it is so tedious and frustrating to be pulling them up on it constantly <voice of bitter experience >

Probably, but not until he has someone else lined up. Which could take a while, after all he's not getting any younger himself, is he?

Thanks for all your replies, it's really helpful.
I don't think the botox will ever happen, I hate anything like that, it's just the fact I would start to consider it as an option that got me.
I spend a fair amount on anti aging products, but nothing outrageous, dye my hair, try to keep fit etc . But I am perimenopausal, putting on a bit of weight , ageing, but that's ok.
It the comments from my DH that are reinforcing the view that men find middle aged women unattractive. He also has a real problem with tena lady adverts , 'oh my god not this again, no one wants to know about women pissing themselves' .
One day I might be one of those women, what then?? He couldn't answer that!

This!

I bet he’s no Harrison Ford

Why would you think it would die out? Misogyny is alive and well in younger men. Just check out how the guys on love island speak about the women. And all of Andrew Tate’s followers. It’s getting worse, not better and middle aged men tend to be less shallow than younger ones ime

I really wouldn't be looking forward to a future with this man and would be getting my ducks in a row now.

You know damn well the day you leave him he'll be online searching for women aged 20-30.

No, it isn't normal.

He's a stupid sexist twat, whom you'll always be younger than, and I bet is no oil painting himself.

I agree about the Tena Lady adverts though. Who wants to see man or woman on the toilet with their pants down? Discretion and privacy have gone out the window!

Point out to him Tena do products for male incontinence too . . . Let that sink in.

It's amazing how really unattractive men feel that they are in a position to criticise the looks of often very attractive women. I don't know where they get the confidence to do this from but it's laughable and pathetic.

Dipshit.

Really that's the only word.

Bag yourself a man who understands the qualities that it takes to be a decent human.